"AITA for wanting a child-free wedding?"
Our wedding (me 25f, him 25m) has been planned for almost 2 years now, and we are down to the final 9 weeks. When we started, we agreed to no children. He doesn’t have many kids on his side, but I do. We knew this may mean not everyone we invited would come and that was fine.
His mum however, has been nonstop about his cousins two kids coming. We’ve always said they aren’t cause then it’s not fair to not invite my cousins kids. Thought this was fine. Until today. His mum phoned him this morning upset that the kids hadn’t been invited as his aunt (cousins mum/kids gran) was over and crying to her about it.
When I came home for lunch he phoned his mum with me. His parents effectively turned round and told him if the kids didn’t come, they possibly wouldn’t either. He then phoned his aunt to tell her the kids to come, as his parents remark upset him. His aunt proceeded to berate him, telling him her mother/his gran would’ve been disappointed in him, that she was upset...
...Couldn’t understand why his cousins were only invited to the reception and not the ceremony, the kids were upset they weren’t coming (apparently answering questions from adults at Xmas 2023 gave them the idea they were coming), etc. He was in tears by the end and couldn’t really say more than he was sorry.
I’m disgusted by how they spoke to him, but I’m now questioning if not having kids at the wedding is an ahole move? None of my cousins are upset and are looking forward to a night away from their kids.
And none are bothered about only coming to the reception. They’ve also had the invites since December 2024, so it’s taken them this long to not even contact us about it. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
allergymom74 said:
NTA. But you and he need to sit his parents down and DEMAND an explanation why the sudden 180 behavior. If they have never been like this before, is his mom or aunt having a medical issue? Is the fact that you’re actually getting married after 12 years causing issues for your soon to be MIL?
Another big question. How many other kids are excluded now and parents will now be angry they can’t bring their kids? Is his mom willing to pay for the extra seats? Seriously, you guys need to figure out why she’s become irrational so quickly.
And if she cannot calm down when trying to talk to her about it, you may want to consider letting her and your aunt choose not to attend on their own. You should be very concerned about extremely sudden behavior changes and maybe approach it that way. You’re surprised by her passion about this and need to understand more what is going on.
teticasalegres said:
NTA and your soon to be husband needs to grow a backbone asap, it's this really the man you want to marry? One that can be manipulated by family with tears and mean words?
Aviouse96 said:
NTA - honestly I'd hold your ground. His mom will continue to stomp boundaries if you give in to her demands. How asinine.
SliceEquivalent825 said:
NTA You are having a glimpse of the future to come. He comes from a family of bullies using emotional blackmail. Your mother in law to be is far from over from interfering in your lives, esp now she knows she can get him to do her bidding. Ugh, sorry for you and for him.
cassiecutesy said:
NTA. "The kids are upset"—nah, the adults are upset on behalf of the kids. Bet those kids don’t even care that much. Enjoy your kid-free wedding in peace.
Hot-Net-8522 said:
NTA. Personally if family members have a problem with you having child free weddings then the real problem is them. And your fiancé backing down now it nine weeks before the wedding would seriously put into question whether I would want to marry that man or not.
Because how many more times will he back down and stuff in your lives? If you guys decide you don't want people at the hospital when you give birth if you choose to have children will he back down last minute while your mid push?