'AITA for not wanting to go to my childhood friend's wedding after being replaced?'

"AITA for not wanting to go to my childhood friend's wedding after being replaced?"

For context, my friend is FtM trans. I was the first one he came out to and I had always supported and respected him in his transition. He would come to me for advice about how to display positive masculinity and I was always happy to help.

He treated me like an older brother and I helped him with his questions about how to carry himself. We always talked about marrying our girlfriends in the future and we were supposed to be each other's best man.

Recently, one of his friends who was non-binary had started identifying as a man, and that's all well and good, but I was replaced instantly to validate the friend's transition.

This hurt me a lot, and I told my friend that I felt discarded and that I didn't want to be at the wedding if I was going to be replaced, not to mention I had gone through a terrible breakup and my friend didn't call me or check on me once.

I was told if I didn't go to the wedding we wouldn't be friends anymore, and I didn't like the ultimatum. We haven't spoken since. Am I the ahole? I am a cis straight male, if that makes any difference. To clarify, this isn't just some pinky promise from back in the day, he told me he intended to have me as his best man right before he proposed to her.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

ScarlettsLetters said:

I’m going with NTA. Your friend is willingly pushing you aside as a show of support to another person—he has decided that their need to be validated as a man is more important to him than the meaning behind asking someone to be their best man. That’s hurtful.

It’s like RSVPing to a party and then telling the host you actually can’t come because someone else invited you to something you want to do more. If his reaction to you sharing that his actions were hurtful is “I’m not going to be your friend anymore” then the friendship may have run its course. It’s sad to see but it’s part of life.

Ok_Pay_4814 said:

NTA. I would feel completely replaceable and therefore not be a good guest at the wedding. I’d also be really hurt that someone who I’ve been there through so many things wouldn’t even consider my feelings about something especially since (although it was a teen agreement) it was something I thought was a given.

It seems like your friend has decided that gender identity is more important that long term friendships. Cuz if he really wanted he would have included you in some way. The new friend didn’t have to be best man and could have been a groomsman.

That’s what the shitty part of this entire thing is, your friend decided that you weren’t important enough to include you in the wedding, but apps like important enough to easily end a long term friendship without taking in how this all would make you feel.

Yes it’s his wedding, and he can do whatever he likes, but it’s also YOUR life and I think going forward unless you have a convo with your friend about how this is making you feel devalued as a friend, cuz if you don’t then I think your friend will continue to cancel plans with you so that he could support someone else.

Oldfarts2024 said:

NTA - you were pushed aside by virtue signaling. Send a nice gift instead.

the_beefcako said:

NTA, sounds like your friend sees your pain as "lesser than."

BothGreen7258 said:

NTA, he sounds selfish.

Ok-Practice838 said:

NTA for feeling hurt and deciding you do not want to attend the wedding. Your friend does get to decide who will be the best man, and I'm sure it is hard to have this happen when you are dealing with a difficult situation yourself. However, you cannot change their decision. If you want to keep the friendship, you need to be a friend and attend the wedding.

Interesting_Fish_840 said:

NTA. They were not your friend, you were their emotional sponge.