'AITA for wanting to divorce my wife because I found out she can’t get pregnant?'

"AITA for wanting to divorce my wife because I found out she can’t get pregnant?"

I (32M) and my wife (31F) have been together for the past five years. When we first got together we agreed to take things slow but I have always believed that at some point before getting married you need to have a serious talk just to ensure your futures align. We had that talk and we both agreed we would want kids in the future . We got married two years ago and everything’s been smooth sailing since.

Last year we started talking about actually getting to work on having kids and started trying. When nothing happened after 6 months I started getting concerned and I spoke to her many times about going to the doctor to get us tested and to consider other options.

She was very against it at first and it caused a lot of serious arguments. Eventually she agreed under the circumstances that we went separately, her alone and me alone on another day with a different doctor. I thought it was odd but I didn’t really mind it that much as I assumed she just needed privacy and was nervous.

A month later she “got” her results and told me she was infertile in a very matter a fact way. I was heartbroken for her and instantly started offering ideas for backup plans and trying my best to comfort her. She took all my sympathy and acted pretty down for a week.

After a while I spoke to one of my friends from back when I was in college who’s also infertile and I asked her how I could best handle the situation and when she described how she found out, how the doctors told her and everything it was vastly different to how my wife discovered it.

This along with a few other things I picked up on made me wonder if there was something I wasn’t being told. My wife had an ex-boyfriend who she’d told me was very possessive and a manipulative liar. He’d been trying to contact me back when we first had gotten together and I had always blocked him and ignored him to my wife’s request.

I know I’m wrong for doing this but I unblocked him and reached out to him and asked to meet up. Long story short she had gotten her tubes tied at 25 and they broke up directly after because he also wanted kids and he had just wanted me to know about it since she had been extremely sneaky with getting hers tied while she was with him to.

I was in shock after hearing this and instantly went home and confronted her. She told me how she never wanted kids before she met me and she was afraid I’d leave her if I knew she had gotten her tubes tied. In the heat of the argument I told her I wasn’t sure I was willing to continue our marriage and I needed time to think.

I left our home and I’ve been at my parents for the past few days. Her whole family reached out to me by now and while at first they were sympathetic and just asked me to forgive her, they’ve now become more threatening saying things like “you can’t just leave her when things get hard” or “If you're leaving after this you never really loved her."

I’ve spoken to my own family about what I should do and thankfully both my parents have simply told me to do whatever I feel is right and they won’t interfere however now I don’t know what to do. I really love my wife and I miss her so much however I don’t think I can be with her after this but so, would I be the ahole if I was to divorce my wife over this? Edit: We live in Switzerland not the US.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

BulbasaurRanch said:

So she lied to you to get you to marry her and now you think somehow you’re the ahole? And who the f cares what her parents think?! You can absolutely ignore all of that nonsense, they are biased and don’t want their untrustworthy daughter to face any repercussions for her actions. You married a con artist. She conned you for years. NTA.

penninsulaman713 said:

NTA. The issue here isn't even really the kid thing - it's the fact that's she's actively lied to you, took away your agency of making a decision with all the information at hand, and literally hoped to trap you into marriage and hope it's too late.

She's absolutely destroyed any trust in your relationship. I've seen similar posts where women find out their husbands have had secret vasectomies. There's no coming back from this.

Embarrassed_Sky3188 said:

You love who you thought she was. She lied from day 1 so she was never that person. This isn't leaving when things get hard, this is leaving because she married you under the false premise of becoming a family with children. NTA.

Ok-Somewhere911 said:

This is kind of the childfree version of baby trapping. Childless trapping? She lied to you knowing you wanted kids in order to lock you into a marriage, and my guy she intended to lie to you for the rest of your lives and just hope you'd get over your desire to have children. Your marriage is literally built on a lie. NTA for wanting a divorce, especially if you still want kids now knowing that she doesn't.

Chilis_guest_wifi said:

Ngl, you had me big YTA with the title, but the story as you tell it makes it sound like you were deceived from the start, so NTA.

Dipshitistan said:

NTA. The lying is impressive, I will give her that. Honestly, the infertility is much the smaller problem.

lodebolt said:

NTA. She has lied to you your entire relationship. Go find someone who wants the same things as you.