"AITA for wanting my ex’s daughter to stop calling me dad?"
I m(35) dated my ex(32) for 3 years when we were 28/25. She has a child (Amber) with her ex who isn’t involved in their lives. Amber was 2 when we started dating so I was a big part of her life whilst she grew up and she called me dad.
However me and her mom ended on pretty bad terms, mostly due to money and how she expected me to spend everything I earned on her and amber with no savings. It was not equal in terms of rent and bills etc either. She also did not want any more children nor marriage but that is something I’ve always wanted.
I’m currently engaged to this amazing woman, and she and her family aren’t comfortable with amber calling me dad as kids/parents that go to the same school keep misunderstanding thinking I’m actually her dad.
And to be fair, I don’t consider myself her dad I’ve just gotten used to her calling me that, I work at her school which is the only time I see her and never outside of school or do anything father/daughter related.
NOTE: RE: my fiancées family members: My fiancées family are more weirded out than uncomfortable which is fully my fault. In the years they’ve known me I’ve never mentioned a daughter nor mentioned any child in my life. They accidentally met Amber when we were all in a restaurant and she shouted "dad" at me to which I then had to awkwardly explain the situation to my in-laws.
Now here is where I might be the ahole, I spoke to my ex when I saw her picking up amber and asked her to speak to her daughter about not calling me dad. She was very upset by it but said she would speak to amber. This was 3 months ago and yet I see no change, still being called dad.
So I sat her down on the park bench after school and explained and asked her to stop calling me dad. She was in uncontrollable tears and my ex who came to pick her up shouted at me and berated me saying I should just let amber call me dad since that’s all she’s ever known. AITA?
Also, for details on relationship with ex - my ex was toxic and the relationship was bad on my mental health so I don’t want to have anything to do with her now because it took me so long to climb out of that mental pit.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Nepskrellet said:
Imagine poor Amber being the ripe age of 9 years old and already surrounded by utter aholes on every side.
CoredOver13 said:
I’m gonna go with ESH. The only innocent one in all this is Amber. You’re an ahole and you know it, your ex let this grow into the problem it is now and your fiancé and her family are uncomfortable that a toddler, who only knew you as her dad, is calling you dad. Amber deserves better.
vieshri said:
You sat down the child and made her stop? Oh my god, the Dad abandonment trauma this kid is going to have for life.
BarnCat2468 said:
ESH. This is a tough situation. You aren’t her dad. You don’t see her outside of school. It js probably better for her long term to not call you that. But to her, you were her dad. She does still see you everyday and you had been letting her call you dad. You were her dad for almost as long as you weren’t. You are all she knows.
Your fiancé I can understand, it could make her uncomfortable. But honestly, screw the other family members. It doesn’t affect them in the slightest. Just a simple “oh he dated the girls mother” and move on. It almost reads like they are embarrassed. "Your future son-in-law has a kid? Oh my let me clutch my pearls."
Elegant_Source900 said:
YTA. This a a glaring example of why not to play daddy to the child of a girlfriend.
AnnikaQuilt44 said:
ESH. You and your ex should have sat down and dealt with this as adults AGES AGO, like as soon as you broke up. You crossed a line talking to Amber about it and expecting her to understand after all these years. You’re an adult, act like one.