'AITA for wanting my husband to hold my hand during birth?' NEWLY UPDATED STORY
This is a major update after our previous post linked here:
Wife angry that husband wants to deliver her baby instead of holding her hand. AITA?
Quick summary of the previous article: A 35-year-old pregnant woman is conflicted because her husband, a family medicine doctor, wants to deliver their baby instead of being by her side and holding her hand during the birth. He sees it as a meaningful experience to help her as a doctor. However, she feels scared and unsupported, wanting him to be there for her emotionally.
Despite her objections, her husband and their friends/family don't understand her perspective. She feels isolated as her doctors mainly address her husband during appointments and she is afraid she will lose the emotional connection during this significant memory.
'AITA for wanting my husband to hold my hand during birth?'
Specific-Koala1721
UPDATE: I am going to confront him tonight when he gets home. He's already going to be upset because we both have restrictions on how much time we spend on social media sites and I have significantly surpassed that today and yesterday which he'll know as soon as he reviews the router logs. I'm hopeful I can catch him before that makes him too upset.
I did reach out to some of our mutual friends just to see what he has told them for why this is so important to him, only to learn he never discussed this with them. I think he made up what he has been saying they said.
They were really shocked to learn we've been having this disagreement and were actually quite supportive of an expectant mother controlling her birth plan. I'm quite nervous about his reaction to this as well and I'd like to get ahead of this.
Five days later, the OP again returned with another update.
"2nd & Final Update:"
Specific-Koala1721
Hello all, I first want to say: Thank you. Thank you every single one of you who took the time to reply, send messages, check up on me, send me messages, and share your stories. I’ve read so much more than I’ll ever be able to respond to.
Thank you. Those who took the time to share resources and volunteer your own time, you are angels in the flesh. Thank you. I’m so incredibly touched by this overwhelming outpour of love and support.
Also, thank you to even the people who told me I was selfish or crazy or any other derogative you chose to use. I’m not sure what helped me more, the people posing such great questions about if I felt safe, comfortable, loved or the people telling me I was the terrible person.
Something about attempting to re-read my story as an outsider and seeing the comments where redditors told me I was in fact the problem broke something in me and I finally saw through the haze.
But, hey, maybe try to be nicer to strangers on the internet and consider your words more carefully. We’re all people trying to get through life. So many of you are kind, caring, and loving individuals.
Thank you for caring about some random on the internet. I don’t even have words. I can’t say a whole lot about these last few days. So much has happened that I will be processing for years to come. All I can say is I am safe, and I am free.
Read into that as you will. My next steps are leaving this chapter of my life behind. I’m moving out of this city and I’m going to try starting again somewhere new. Somewhere beautiful where everytime I look outside, it’s hard to believe it’s real life.
I’ve always felt drawn to the mountains with all of their beauty and might. I did the same thing at 16, and I’m hopeful these last few decades have set me up for more success than I had the first time chasing a new start.
If you read my story, and you relate to it in anyway, or you too feel smothered, voiceless, and alone every single day locked in the house with someone who is supposed to love you, I just want you to know what I now know.
That isn’t normal. That isn’t what life is supposed to be. There are people you can rely on and strangers can be your best friend. The cost may be steep, but the cost to stay is so much more.
Farm this post for all of the comments and support available. I pass it on to you and beg you to use what resources you can find. The sheer volume of personal messages I received from people in the same boat, people sharing support, people checking in to make sure I was okay…
There’s such a community here and they will help you before you even realize you need it. I’m not sure whats next and that’s terrifying but also refreshing. I haven’t had that in so many years.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Benabik
That “we have limits on social media and he reads the logs” twist probably shouldn’t have been surprising. Glad they’re out.
WaywardHistorian667
The second paragraph of the first post gave me my first hint of trouble-
"Throw away reddit because my SIL follows me on reddit and reports everything to my husband."
Why would her SIL be "reporting" if everything were okay?
Jazstar
Same. The second I read that my mindset changed about "oh this is a husband with a certain view about how things will go which is clashing with his wife's" to "... this sounds an awful lot like a really bad relationship but I'll reserve judgement until I've completed the post" I wish I'd been wrong.
velofille
For the same reason he looks up the router logs to see how much time she spent online. This is an unhealthy relationship.
Irn_brunette
It's what made me think that when OP said "locked in the house" in the final update, she meant it literally.
Distinct-Inspector-2
He was monitoring her time online and his sister was monitoring her online activity. Jesus. I hope she’s safe and happy and healthy.
ecdc05
The update with zero details beyond “I’m safe” and “I’m free” is far more chilling than a lengthy explanation ever could be. I’m so glad OP got out and I hope she remains safe and finds her beautiful new place.
werewere-kokako
I hoping this is a case of "my lawyer told me to say absolutely nothing" and not "I have adopted a new identity and living in a domestic violence safe house across state lines."