'AITA for wanting to leave my husband on our 25th wedding anniversary?'
"AITA for wanting to leave my husband on our 25th wedding anniversary after he ignored the one thing I asked for?"
I (48F) have been married to my husband (49M) for nearly 25 years. We have 3 kids (10–22) and overall, our marriage has had its ups and downs, but I’ve always loved him.
That said, every single anniversary has been planned by me. I plan the dinners, the trips, everything. He usually gets me flowers, which I appreciate, and I do enjoy planning — but for the past 10 years, I’ve asked him to plan our 25th anniversary.
I wanted to feel special for once. It didn’t have to be expensive — I love the outdoors and would’ve been happy with a hike and a picnic. I just wanted him to put in the effort.
This past year has been rough — storm damage, health issues, family drama — and we’ve been short with each other. I’ve also been in therapy for childhood trauma and am realizing I’ve let people (family and husband included) gaslight me and minimize my needs for years. Like many moms, I’ve sacrificed constantly and put myself last, and when I try to speak up, I’m told I’m overreacting.
When I asked him yesterday — just 7 days before our anniversary — if he had something planned, he said, “No, I haven’t had time to think about it.” I was crushed. I’ve been asking for this for a decade. He knew how much it meant to me. Our friends and family did big things for their 25ths. I didn’t want a party or anything fancy. I just wanted effort.
Now I’m wondering if this is my breaking point. I’m tired of feeling invisible. Tired of begging to be considered. If he does nothing on the day, I’m thinking of quietly packing a bag and leaving. I plan to tell him that if he really loves me, he needs to fight for me — and if he won’t, then maybe he never did.
So…AITA for wanting to leave my husband on our 25th wedding anniversary because he didn’t plan anything, even after I asked for years?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
1hereforthecomments1 said:
I could have written this. In my case, it was a milestone birthday he failed to plan. I left (27 years married). Got a divorce. He still doesn’t entirely understand why. I could not be happier now. I will never settle for this kind of life again, though, and you shouldn’t either. If he wanted to, he would. NTA. Put yourself first for once.
da_machine_girl said:
Heck hath no fury like a woman in her 40's who is sick of everyone's crap. NTA. Burn the marriage to the ground.
GreenTravelBadger said:
NTA. You feel unseen and unimportant to him because that's reality. He doesn't give a crap. I wonder how long it will take him to notice you left.
TightAlternative7351 said:
NTA. I’m hoping he gets his life together. My mum divorced my dad after their 25th for something similar. He took her for granted & he never changed.
minionofthenight said:
NTA. These feelings have been building for years & you have been communicating your needs to no avail. It comes down to, if he wanted to then he would.
SwimmingCoyote said:
NTA. You’re not the AH for this being your breaking point. You would be an AH to yourself if you did this without getting your ducks in a row. If he doesn’t do anything tomorrow, don’t make a big deal of it.
Next week, find a divorce attorney and get advise on how to leave him in the way that best sets you and your children up for the future. You’ve waited 25 years. Another couple weeks won’t make a difference. Living well post-marriage will be your best revenge and revenge is best served cold.