'AITA for wanting to leave my wife after she gave birth?' 'The last 7 years of my life have been a lie.' UPDATED

"AITA for wanting to leave my wife after she gave birth to my child?"

My (34M) wife (32F) and I have been married for 7 years. After a miscarriage she admitted to me that she had multiple affairs over the last 4 years of our marriage. Her last affair ended a year ago. She begged for us to go to therapy to work on our marriage but I refused to go.

During this time I had moved out of the house. Occasionally I would go back to take care of the house and animals and she would constantly try to manipulate me into coming back. I had every intention of getting a divorce but the process is slow. I hated the betrayal I felt, but I also missed my wife during the separation. One thing led to another and she got pregnant again.

Shortly after the news came, I had to leave for work about 12 hours away from her. She would call to give me updates about the pregnancy and talk about our marriage. We were separated for the majority of her pregnancy.

I told her that I still wanted a divorce but I would consider reconciling after the baby was born. After several months away from her I came to the realization that I could not trust her nor could I forgive her for her infidelity. I feel like the last 7 years of my life have been a lie.

While I was away from her I met someone and a relationship blossomed between us. I truly feel like I love this woman. She has been made aware that I am still married and that I have a baby on the way. My wife is not aware of my new girlfriend.

Fast forward to a month ago, I had to go home for the birth of our baby boy. My wife has been pressuring me to reconcile but I told her that I plan to divorce her again. After the birth of our baby boy, she has been blaming me for ruining our family because I don't want to stay with her and try to fix our marriage.

I want to have a co-parenting relationship with my wife but she is acting very erratic while I am here for our son. AITA for wanting to leave my wife? Any advice on how to deal with this is appreciated.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Sassysewer said:

ESH The wife for obvious reasons but OP as well. OP with an innocent life now brought unto this please get it together for the sake of this child. Baby didn't ask to be born but deserves a stable and loving life with co-parents who don't hate each other. Regardless of how you feel about your future ex-wife, she will now always be the mother of your child.

Druidic_Focus said:

She had affairs and admitted them to you. You then told her you would consider reconciliation, but then technically started having an affair. ESH.

Relative_Dust_1878 said:

YTA for bringing a child into this mess.

Long-Oil-5681 said:

I get in your mind you're marriage is over but any woman willing to start a relationship with a man who not only has a baby on the way but is still legally married isn't very trustworthy. Any woman in 2025 with self respect wouldn't start anything until the papers are signed. You cheated as well, in the eyes of the law in many states. NTA, but you are dancing in the gray between right and wrong.

Jealous-Studio-527 said:

ESH. You knew you wanted out, yet were intimate sex without protection and even led her on by allowing her to believe that you might reconcile later if she gave birth. Honestly, this is really poor decision making on your part and I think you need to work on yourself before entering into another committed relationship.

Cool_Relative7359 said:

NTA for wanting a divorce. YTA for sleeping with her and creating a child after you found out she betrayed you and had left and chosen a divorce.

Later, OP provided an update:

Thank you all for the mixed reviews. It was expected. I will be talking with a lawyer and will update once I have a chance to talk to one. Appreciate the sound advice as well.Thank you all to those who did not think I was the A hole here. It's been a tough 2 years.

Here's how it went down-I took a paternity test, and my son is confirmed to be mine. I have filed for divorce but the state in which I lived is very conservative and has a waiting period before it can be finalized.

The divorce was filed as uncontested and I will be paying child support while also staying in his life. I am selling our house and she is moving to a state close by where my son will only be a couple of hours away. This option also makes her closer to family. Custody arrangements will be updated once she has moved.

This has been hard emotionally because she has blamed me for ruining our chance as a family and our sons future. It feels manipulative since I no longer want to be with her and I've taken care of her our entire marriage.

My wife still does not know about my girlfriend at the request of my girlfriend. As much as I want to integrate my girlfriend this will take time to do and I also felt like my wife doesn't have to know know about her until everything has settled and the divorce finalized.

It's been difficult for me being away from my son but I do get to see him every day. I was there for his birth and 3 weeks afterwards. I will be taking leave again to spend more time with my son, take care of the house, the divorce, and to help get her and my son moved.

I am glad this marriage is ending and while it's tough right now with my son, the mutual goal is to have a co parenting relationship. Despite the things my wife has said and her wanting to continue the marriage, I feel my son will be better off knowing what an actual loving relationship is. My girlfriend has been very supportive of me and I'm ready to move on in my life with her.

Trying to get any help or legal advice in the state we got married has been a nightmare and has been overall negative to the choice I have already made. The marriage is dead, but I will be in my sons life. I do not agree with the empty values there. Any advice on how to ensure a healthy co parenting relationship without a lawyer is needed. Thank you all again.