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'AITA for wanting Mother's Day to be about me?' 'It's my MIL's birthday.'

'AITA for wanting Mother's Day to be about me?' 'It's my MIL's birthday.'


"AITA For Wanting Mother's Day to be About Me?"

I (30f) gave birth last year and so this year will be my first Mothers Day this Sunday. This upcoming Monday also happens to be my MI'Ls (63f) birthday. Every year my husband (32m), and his brothers ( 29M, 25M) and FIL have celebrated both MILs birthday and Mothers Day on the same day no matter what day Mothers Day fell on that year.

I was all too happy to celebrate both occasions with them because I lost my mom when I was 8 to ovarian cancer so I never really celebrated Mothers Day until I met my husband.

This year however, I would like to celebrate Mothers Day with just myself, my husband, and our daughter. I tried to encourage other plans on Saturday, a day filled with fun, food, and activities that MIL likes but have been shot down. I even asked if the three of us could do breakfast/brunch and then we go over to MILs to celebrate but this was also unacceptable.

Both Mother's Day and birthday must be celebrated on the same day. I tried to talk to MIL about it but she said that this is the way it's been for years and it isn't going to change now and that maybe we (my husband and I) can do Mother's Day things another day.

So this is where I might be the ahole; I told my husband he is welcome to go and spend the whole day with his mom, dad, and brothers but I will be staying home and celebrating with the wee potato who made me a mom, we're going to watch Bluey and make tiny blueberry pancakes (her favorite, lol).

My husband says I'm being unreasonable and that we can celebrate another time, that his mom just loves celebrating being a mom and her birthday together with the ones she loves and that it would be awkward if her first grandchild isn't there to help her celebrate (BILs have partners but do not have children yet).

I told him I am standing firm on this and he got angry and went to our room. He's been in there for a couple of hours now and I'm starting to feel bad for putting him on the spot like that and making him choose how to celebrate. AITA?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

jmbbl said:

NTA. You offered the perfectly reasonable compromise of doing breakfast with just the three of you and then joining MIL, but your husband refused. This is on him.

teresajs said:

NTA . Remember that Father's Day is in June. Show him the same (lack of) consideration on Father's Day that he shows you on Mother's Day. Also, don't do any of the labor to celebrate his mother. Don't buy her gifts.

Don't wrap them. Don't make any food. Don't say anything, just don't do it. Your husband's family is his responsibility. If he wants Mom to have a gift, he can choose it, buy it, wrap it, and give it to her.

DwightsJello said:

NTA new traditions happen when family changes. And your first one as a new parent is the one to start in a way you intend to continue. It's special. Not being the only mother in the family was going to happen. It's hardly a surprise ffs.

Celebrate her birthday, sure. But you're a mum now. It's your mother's day too now. It's a bit weird and oedipal. Politely but firmly set the tone as to how it's going to be now. And I mean Bluey. Well, that's just a classy day right there.

ParsimoniousSalad said:

NTA for making your husband decide if he's part of your family with his new child or going to prioritize his mommy.

Fearless_Ad1685 said:

NTA. This is your first year being a mom. Your husband should be celebrating you being a mother. Tell him you and your baby should be his priority now that he is a husband/father. Tell him he can go live with his mother if he doesn't put you first.

Does he always put his mother first? How does he normally treat you? How does his family treat you? Do they always defer to their mother over their partners? I say, do the things you want to do with your baby. Do fun mommy/baby things. Go to the zoo. Go to the museum. Go walk in the park.

lord_buff74 said:

NTA, but this is telling " tried to talk to MIL about it but she said that this is the way it's been for years and it isn't going to change now." But it has changed now, because she's no longer the only Mother around. Strange that they want her grandchild around for her grandmother, but don't want to do anything for an actual mother.

Everyone was on OP's side for this one. What's your advice for this situation?

Sources: Reddit
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