'AITA for asking my brother's family to move out even if they might end up homeless?'

"AITA for wanting my brother’s family to move out so I can finally live on my own again?"

About 3–4 years ago, I kicked my ex out of the house I was renting. It’s a 4-bedroom, 3-story home (about 1900 sq. ft.), and my boss had co-signed the lease. After my ex left, I realized I couldn’t afford the rent on my own, and around that time, my younger brother (we’re a decade apart and weren’t very close growing up) and his family were in a tough spot.

During the pandemic, they were living with my sister-in-law’s mom and brother. There was some kind of rental assistance program involved, but ultimately, other people in the household weren’t paying their share, and it messed up my brother and SIL’s rental history. They ended up in a tiny 600 sq. ft. 2-bedroom apartment with three kids — way too small.

Trying to be supportive and rebuild our relationship, I invited them to move into my house with me, as long as they helped with rent. I even gave them the master bedroom so they could be near their kids’ rooms. My son and I moved into the daylight basement.

I turned the living space down there into a bedroom and mini-apartment for us — even got a mini-fridge and toaster oven because trying to share the upstairs kitchen was overwhelming. (They have a lot of stuff and a lot of chaos, and I tend to mirror my environment, so it was too much.)

They also pretty much took over the shared spaces — the living room furniture and dining table are mine, but I hardly use them anymore. I rarely cook because to do so means deep-cleaning before and after, and honestly, I’ve just shrunk myself down to avoid stress.

After the first lease ended (about a year and a quarter), they still weren’t ready to move. I decided to sign another two-year lease to give them time to get their situation straightened out. That lease ends this December, and I’ve made it clear that I plan to get my own place after that.

Here’s where it gets complicated: My brother and his wife have had a rocky relationship (he’s cheated before, and she’s been in counseling). They say they still can’t qualify for a new rental because of their past rental debt and history. When I mentioned I was house-hunting, my sister-in-law told me they’ll probably “end up living in a car.”

I do feel bad. I love my nieces and nephews and want them to be safe. But I’ve also put my life on hold for years to help them. I have two older kids in college I want to invite home and spend time with. I have a son who deserves space to grow.

And I’m in a relationship I’d like to nurture — but I can’t even have my partner over comfortably, let alone start integrating him into my son’s life, because of the living situation.

I’ve done what I could: I gave them a home when they had none, gave them extra time by extending the lease, and have sacrificed my own comfort and space. But I’m exhausted and I want a life that’s mine again. So… AITA for deciding to move out and stop sharing my home with my brother’s family — even if it means they may end up without a place to go?

This is what people had to say to OP:

Remarkable-Cry7123 said:

Time to think of you. They had over three years.The car remark was guilting at its finest. Keep in mind in this huge house they had totally blocked you from all shared spaces and the kitchen. That’s rude. Five people pay half and use three quarters???? That’s not right. You are not their mom. Move. Find a nice spot with two bedrooms. No more. You get a third bedroom they will pile in in you.

IntrepidMuch said:

It’s been three years and they are still not on their feet? You need to stop feeling guilty OP. They have made choices and come December, it’s consequences time.

Go forth and live your best life unencumbered by those two. Don’t look back or feel guilty. Three. Years.

ToxicChildhood said:

NTA. You have went above and beyond to help them and it seems like they’re not very appreciative. It’s not on you to make sure that your adult brother and his family have a roof over their heads. You DESERVE a life. You DESERVE freedom in your own home. You DESERVE to have your kids and boyfriend over whenever without any issues.

Whether they sink or swim is on them. You’ve done enough. Don’t let them guilt you into staying or taking them with you. They should be thankful for your help. They should appreciate the sacrifices you have made. If they don’t? That’s an even bigger reason to discontinue this arrangement. And ask yourself… would they make the same sacrifices for you? Don’t drown yourself trying to keep others afloat.

intolerablefem said:

You’ve been lighting yourself on fire to keep them warm for long enough. At this point, your kindness is being taken advantage of. Their crappy marriage isn’t your problem, and your brother needs to sort his shit out on his own instead of expecting you to coddle them any further.

Yes they have kids, but you can’t care more about them having a roof over their heads, than their actual parents do. This will go on indefinitely if you allow it. They’re takers. NTA.

In the comments, OP added:

I told them when I re-sign the lease two years ago that I wanted them to be able to work toward getting themselves out of their issues so that way they can move out on their own prior to that they had joined me in a lease that was a year and a quarter. So they have more than enough time to have figured this out and I know that I’ve been more than a accommodating.

And yes, they’ve known throughout the whole lease and it’s been brought up recently. Things seemed to be OK until just this last time it was brought up and my sister-in-law was kind of like well. I don’t know if we’re gonna be able to find a place we might have to live in our car and that just really hit me and that’s the only reason why I did this post because it kind of frustrated me.

I have a lot of compassion for my family. I love them dearly, but I am really at a point where I just wanna be able to have my own kitchen in my own space to be able to live a healthier lifestyle.