"AITA for wanting my husband to hide his farts?"
I (34F) am happily married to my husband (38M). We are having a little tiff about his gas and he said I could post here to weigh in on the situation. Happily married, he’s just smelly. I tend to go to bed before my husband does. He arrives as I’m drifting off to sleep every night. He consistently, nightly, proceeds to unleash the loudest, smelliest farts possible. Multiple. Zero effort to restrain them.
Absolutely nauseating in odor. I usually have to get out of bed because the smell is so gross. It keeps me awake longer, and honestly feels disrespectful. If I need to pass gas I get up and go to the toilet until the upset resolves. He says he doesn’t want to get out of bed because he’s too tired, but his disgustingly smelly farts force ME to get out of bed to not vomit.
He had been told by his doctor to avoid lactose and take medication but he refuses to change his diet or take the gas pills. I don’t even care if he just stands up to fart, but when it’s under the covers it’s directly wafted to my nose. He thinks I should just accept his smells as a natural process, and that even though I’m able to hold in my own farts until I’m in the toilet, he should be able to fart as he pleases.
Keep in mind, this man does not fart in public or before we got married in bed. Out of bed is fine. Living room is fine. Kitchen is fine. But under the covers without any restraint MULTIPLE times per night. AITA for asking him to get out of bed for his farts so I don’t have to or at least try to hide them?
Edited to add because he says my post is BS: His doctor did not diagnose him with lactose intolerance, just said he should avoid it to rule out the gas issue. He also says I should mention he had so much gas and can’t help it, he doesn’t do it on purpose.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
hotmesssorry wrote:
If separate bedrooms is an option, I’d take that. Another option if he refuses to respect you is to get a strong HEPA air purifier for his bedside. We have a dog that does awful farts when fed the wrong food, we put the air purifier next to her bed and it takes care of the stench before we smell it.
It is however worth reflecting on the fact he didn’t do it before marriage. He waited until you were locked in before unleashing his foul stench intentionally. That tells you a lot about how he truly views you. NTA.
nicilou wrote:
Coming from a couple that sleeps in separate bedrooms due to him snoring like a freight train, the peace is worth it. Separate your sleeping. Either move into another room, or have two single beds in the same room. At the very least have two sets of single bedding like they do in most European countries. Do what you need to do to keep the peace, or the resentment will build over time.
Edit: thanks for everyone's concern. He does have obstructive sleep apnea and has a cpap machine. But he tends to pull it off in his sleep. He has also tried mouth guards, neck brace and all sorts of other things including weight loss. I found that when we shared a room, it wasn't the snoring that stressed me out, but rather when he stopped! I would lay there waiting for it to happen so I could whack him.
notthisagain34 wrote:
NTA. I would gag at the sight of him. I can only imagine the intense repulsion you must feel for this disrespectful and disgusting man. How he could expect you to want any kind of intimate relationship with him is beyond me.
dividedsky58 wrote:
NTA. But your husband sure is. He treats strangers better than you. He knows its disrespectful to force other people to suffer from his bad choices. He could fix this so easily with a small change in diet and/or OTC meds. He has no respect for you, and I don't know how you can sleep next to him, much less hook up with him. Separate blankets, at minimum. But I'd be in a completely separate bedroom.
Beneficialmirror13 wrote:
NTA, he obviously doesn't respect you. That might sound dramatic, but he's not listening to you, and he's making you feel ill AND he's constantly interrupting your sleep.
He doesn't care about you. And that he knows why he farts like that and won't change his diet is even worse. He's a gross, gross child who needs to grow up. If it were me, he'd be sleeping in the spare room, or somewhere outside the house. And if he still wouldn't change, it'd be divorce worthy.
Zealous_idealbag2493 wrote:
So he won’t use Lactaid and won’t go fart somewhere else, and you’re supposed to just live with it? Nope. We try to actually be loving to each other in my marriage. He should find some way to mitigate the impact on you JUST BECAUSE YOU ASKED.
One of my core beliefs- toss it out if it doesn’t speak to you- is that our best, kindest behavior should not be reserved for strangers or avoiding judgment in public. It should be seen in the way we treat the people we hold most dear. NTA.
ozuulrules wrote:
NTA. Even more than his disgusting, bad-lactose-processing farts, I’m genuinely more bothered that you being disgusted and inconvenienced several times a night doesn’t bother him. Is he actually on your team? It’s quite selfish and hateful.
MrsNaypeer wrote:
How are you gonna say yall have an amazing marriage, when your husband constantly disrespects you? He knows how you feel and he still does nothing to help the situation?
Girl, GET REAL.