'AITA for wanting my parent to take accountability of their own words?'
"AITA for wanting my parent to take accountability of their own words?"
Before I begin yes, I know it looks like I am parenting my mother and that's because I am. My mother often throws around threats that do hurt to hear, and they often have a lot of weight to them. She says "oh I'll do this/won't do this" And naturally since she has full authority over me it makes me worry whether or not she will or will not do what she threatens to do.
My family is really serious about birthdays and celebrating them. Every year we all have a birthday party. It's very important to all of us. As my birthday was coming up my mom kept threatening to not celebrate my birthday at all because I, and I quote, don't deserve to be celebrated.
So I told her to keep her word and to not celebrate my birthday if she truly believes that I shouldn't get to. To which she agreed. When my birthday arrived she in fact wanted to celebrate it because she's "such a good mom" and I said I don't want it after the things she said. (She said many other things but i won't get into details).
She insisted on decorating and inviting people over(for her own conscience)but I simply wouldn't allow it after she swore I wouldn't get anything. also I didn't see much enjoyment in celebrating it because I truly believed that I didn't deserve it. On the actual day she decorated the kitchen and then left for work along with my dad and my brother left for school.
Nobody came and I stayed at home. I cried a lot that day.
Whenever I bring up the fact that she didn't celebrate my 15th birthday she said it's my fault that I didn't want it but that's not true I just wanted her to take accountability for the first time at her big age. She claims she did nothing wrong. AITA?
(Also the reason she said I didn't deserve a birthday was because I kept forgetting to do some chores and if I can't do basic chores then what is there about me to celebrate). I know I'm not a parent but it feels like I have to teach her basic things most of the time.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
envystorm18 wrote:
If she didn’t want you to take her threats seriously, she shouldn’t have made them in the first place.
witchyways1998 wrote:
You do not need their permission to talk to the counselors at school. I definitely think that you need to start there. There's probably a lot more to unpack and you should deal with it while you're young instead of letting it go into adulthood.
As for your mom telling you she's planning you a birthday party and then having no one show up, that's kind of twisted. It sounds like she's got a lot of her own issues and they are going to affect you very much if you don't start dealing with them.
How does a child not deserve a birthday party? Unless you are a defiant a hole. You should be doing your chores but they shouldn't totally disregard your birthday. It definitely sounds like there's some manipulation going on in this family.
klutzy-explore4444 wrote:
This is a complicated family dynamic. Emotionally immature parents create a lot of emotional confusion for their kids. Kids repeat the same confusing emotional patterns they have been taught- from that angle NTA.
However, as you become an adult you have to take accountablilty for the things you do and the consequences. Someone else- even your parents- trying to emotionally manipulate doesn't give license to respond in the same way. You need some therapy.
The age of consent for getting therapy (without your parent's consent) is much younger than 18. THere are online options for teens. Also, know that many people are in therapy because the people in their lives that actually need it do not go.
ngroat wrote:
She doesn't sound toxic based on the info provided... you just sound entitled/like you don't respect your mother enough and she's frustrated/ doesn't know how to correct the behavior...you sound difficult.
Unfortunately for you, until your 18 you need to listen to her, as long as its not harmful you don't really have a say.
Save up and move out at 18 if you dont want to follow her rules. YTA.