'AITA for wanting my partner to help pay for her engagement ring?'
"AITA for wanting my partner to help pay for her engagement ring?"
I proposed to my partner about a year ago. I bought her a ring I thought fit her style and taste perfectly, and she was thrilled with it. The proposal itself was in Lauterbrunnen, Switzerland (highly recommended if you’ve never been), and the whole thing was really special.
There was just one small issue: the ring was a bit loose. Since I had bought it abroad, I couldn’t bring it back to the same jeweler for resizing. We agreed we’d take it to a local jeweller, but almost a year went by and she never actually went to get it adjusted.
Fast forward to a few weeks ago: while playing with our dog in the woods, the ring slipped right off her finger and disappeared. We spent days searching with metal detectors and every tool we could think of, but it was gone.
Naturally, I want to get her a new ring. She misses it, and I don’t want her to go without something that holds that kind of meaning. But here’s the problem: she seems to expect me to cover the entire cost again.
From my perspective, I was hoping she’d at least offer to contribute this time. On top of that, her friends keep asking when she’s “getting another ring,” which adds more pressure and paints me like this selfish AH.
So AITA for expecting her to share in the expense? I know part of this is on me for not nailing the size in the first place, but I couldn’t exactly be obvious since she already suspected a proposal. Plus, buying abroad complicated things with sizing differences.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA. Who keeps wearing an expensive ring that is too loose? She should have gotten it resized as soon as she got home. This is on her. She should at least pay for half, since you and she are supposedly about to mingle your finances and be a team when it comes to expenses.
If the two of you can’t sort this out together that’s not a great sign for the marriage. Ultimately any money spent is going to be shared marital assets. Time to start thinking of stuff like this as a shared problem to solve.
He should have insured the ring as soon as it was in his possession and taken the ring to a jeweler to be resized right away. It was careless of her to wear an expensive ring that was loose on dry hands (meaning it did not slip off because her hands were wet or soapy).
If it had been me, I would have refused to wear the thing until it was resized for fear of this exact thing happening. You were both dumb. The cost should come out of your joint budget for the wedding or your household.
ESH. Any jewler can resize a ring. She should have had it sized, and you should have insured it. Now you should both share in the replacement cost.
NTA. If I lost my ring, I would feel so guilty and mortified I would definitely offer to split the cost (if not pay for the whole thing). She had a year to get it adjusted or even buy a 3$ ring adjuster off amazon as a temporary solution (which incidentally is what I have done).
Save the heartache buy the ring, deduct the cost from the wedding budget.
Bro honestly I don’t think you’re the AH here, like you already did the whole proposal thing, dropped money on a ring, made it special and all that, and she had literally a year to just take it in for resizing and never bothered. then it falls off while y’all are out with the dog and now somehow it’s all on you again?
Nah that feels unfair. yeah the ring was a gift but marriage is supposed to be partnership too, so if she wants the exact same type of ring again, it makes sense she helps cover it this time.
When you do get a new ring, I hope you get it insured! Even if a ring fits perfectly, it can be lost. (Some people’s fingers swell a bit in the summer and shrink a bit in the winter. If you’re washing something or wearing lotion it can slip off, etc.)
NTA. The ring being lost is entirely due to her laziness and carelessness - she knew it was too large, and chose to wear it anyway, rather than getting it resized or wearing it on a chain or some other suitable alternative. Because she wore it anyway, she lost it.
You do not owe her an endless chain of replacement rings when she loses them - you are not an insurance policy. If she bought you a nice gift and you lost it, would you expect her to dive straight in and offer to replace it for you, or be annoyed about your carelessness?