'AITA for wanting to split inheritance money equally between my kids?' 'My wife wants to prioritize one.'

"AITA for wanting to split inheritance money equally between my kids when my wife wants to prioritize one?"

Recently came into some money and facing a difficult situation with my wife about how to distribute it between our three children. I believe the fairest approach is to split it equally three ways. My wife, however, wants to give a larger portion to one of our kids.

The money is enough to make a meaningful difference in each child's life if split evenly. While I understand the instinct to give more help to a child who may need it, I worry about creating resentment and damaging sibling relationships. An equal split feels like the clearest way to show we value all our children the same.

My wife hasn't spoken to me since our last discussion about this. She thinks I'm being unfair by not considering individual circumstances. But I keep thinking about how I'd feel as one of the kids getting less - like my parents valued me less than my sibling.

The money is technically mine to distribute, but I want to handle this in a way that keeps peace in the family. Still, my gut says equal shares is right. AITA for insisting on an equal split rather than going along with my wife's wish to give more to one child?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

babyvirtualxoxo said:

Splitting it equally shows fairness and avoids favoritism. Prioritizing one child could create long-term resentment and harm family dynamics. If there are specific needs, maybe address them separately without touching the inheritance.

Existing-Solution590 said:

NTA. Ask your wife if she's willing to sit the kids down and explain to them why one gets more than the others....my guess is if she actually had to face their reactions and feelings on one getting preferential treatment she wouldn't do it.

RainAdvanced6913 said:

NTA. Splitting it equally seems like the fairest option. It’s not just about the money it’s about making sure all your kids feel equally valued. Even if one child has more needs right now, prioritizing them could create long-term resentment and damage sibling relationships. Your wife probably means well, but equal shares send a much clearer message of love and fairness.

FrankHonesty said:

YTA for not saying why your wife wants to do an unequal split. Does your kid have disabilities? Did you abandon one of your kids in a mine for 10 years and she feels guilty? Did you already pay for two kids to go to college and buy houses and the youngest one would benefit the most? Are two of your kids getting inheritances from other family members but not the third?

You’re purposefully skewing the discussion in your favor by only presenting your side of things, and nothing about your wife’s reasoning. “Individual circumstances” could mean literally anything. Maybe she had a point, maybe she doesn’t, but by keeping it THIS vague, we’re forced to take your side.

Kilyn said:

At this point, YTA. You're hiding way too much information for us to make a proper judgement. If you're wife is so angry that you do not favor one of the kids she must have a reason and you're definitely hiding it.

ouijabore said:

NTA. Equal shares is correct unless one of them is in a situation where they will be unable to earn as much/live comfortably on their own (physical or mental disability, chronic illness, injury, etc.) Then I would understand them getting a larger share.