"AITA for wanting to take our cat with me after my marriage?"
Hi, this issue has lead to fights in my house the past week, and at this point I thought I'll ask here. I'm going to get married in a few months, and currently live with my parents. 6 years ago my aunt had gifted me my cat for my 18th when he was a kitten.
She knew I loved cats, I'd always wanted one so that was her gift and it was the best gift I've ever received. I was the one who organized his diet, litter trained him, named him Casper, got him to respond to his name, had him snuggle with me, had huge arguments with my parents in the initial days over him and defended him. Over time Casper became an integral part of our family.
Last week we were just planning on how to start moving my stuff to my fiance's place and I also brought up his cat tree. My younger sister was like why would you take his cat tree you're not taking Casper. I said of course I am, he's my cat, and my fiance loves cats too, I'd already discussed this with him.
My parents too were against taking him, and my sister started full on sobbing. I was beside myself, and we had an argument, I told them Casper was a gift for me, I had raised him when he was a kitten, and I brought up to my parents how they used to say he's too much work and a mess in the earlier days.
Since then whenever the topic has been brought up my sister gets heated, my parents low key side with her saying Casper is used to the house and cats are creatures of habit, I've told them they have 3 months to make their peace with the fact that Casper is coming with me. AITA?
Edit: To address some frequent questions.
My college was in the same city we live in, as is my job. I commuted to college from home. And no, my fiance and I haven't been living together.
The first time my dad and I took him to the vet he was registered under my name. Until I got a job after college, I would do his expenditures with my pocket money and my parents would also pay. Since I've been working, I do the bulk of spending on him, but my parents do too.
My sister is 17. And yes we'll be living in the same city she'll be seeing him often. Its the fact that my parents are siding with her and not even just to support her but of their own accord, they too have been saying Casper should stay here. I'll try to bring up them adopting a new cat.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
helgirl wrote:
INFO: At the end of the day, what's best for the cat? If Casper is your shadow when you're around, and would pine without you, then the only decision is to take Casper with. If Casper is now closer to your parents or sister now, or prefers to hang out it a certain spot in the house over and above spending time with you, then Casper should stay at the house.
Does Casper ever get anxious, show signs of separation anxiety or depression when you're not at home? Like if you go away for a few days?
What about if Casper gets taken away from the house, like for trips to the vet? How does Casper cope in those scenarios? Also, does your fiance have any other animals that Casper have to acclimatise to? Has your fiance spent much time with Casper? Is Casper comfortable with them? If you can get a clear answer from asking these questions, then this should make the decision easy.
OP responded:
Thanks a lot for this (a bit begrudgingly because you've made me rethink stuff lol). I love Casper, and I know he'll be happy with me. And I know my family loves him too and he knows he's loved. I'll think over this.
ReadMeDrMemory wrote:
NTA. What do those people not understand about a gift? About your property? Is there a chance your aunt would weigh in on this, in your favor? "Cats are creatures of habit." And also clever, adaptable creatures.
(Last year I happily rehomed a family of three cats, not mine, to a new owner and different premises.) It's low of your family to pretend they're worried about the cat's happiness when they just want to steal your aunt's gift. Here's a wild idea: they could get themselves a cat of their own and keep their mitts off of yours.
OP responded:
Yes, I can 100% have my aunt confirm Casper was a gift for me! She used to have a cat when I was little and I would be so happy to go to her place when I was little to see her cat! Thats why she gifted me Casper.
TaxDense1339 wrote:
If your parents don't object to getting a cat for your sister, then why not take her to an adoption center and help her pick out a kitty of her own. Make it a bonding activity between the two of you. Promise your sister that you'll send her weekly updates on Casper (remind your sister that she will still get to visit both of you, so no one is going away forever!) and she can do the same for her kitten/cat.
This is a big change in both your lives and sis may be having trouble adjusting. How old is your sister? Right now, I think that little sis is probably feeling a bit down. You are currently the center of attention with all of the wedding planning and now you are "taking" her friend. Help her make a new one!
OP responded:
My sister is 17. And yes we'll be living in the same city she'll be seeing him often. Its the fact that my parents are siding with her and not even just to support her but of their own accord, they too have been saying Casper should stay here. I'll try to bring up them adopting a new cat.
parodytx wrote:
NTA. Get your aunt to confirm Casper was a gift for you. End of issue. Casper is your property. He is attached to YOU, not your parent's home. He will adapt just fine to your new place as long as you are there. Your sister can get her own cat if that's what the family wants.
MorningStarssong wrote:
NTA.
Seems pretty cut and dry to me: Casper was a gift to you, you also took care of him, he's your cat. So, of course he's coming with you. If your sister wants a cat, your parents can get her one.
(And as someone who has moved with cats before: Yes, some might need a bit to get used to the new environment, but he will be fine. Don't let your parents tell you otherwise. Plus, many cats are also very much attached to "their human", more than to a specific house.)