'AITA for wanting to take a promotion even though my BF says it’s not the life he imagined?' UPDATED

"AITA for wanting to take a promotion even though my boyfriend says it’s not the life he imagined for us?"

I recently got offered a pretty sweet promotion at work. It means more responsibility, a bigger paycheck, and honestly, it’s something I’ve been working toward for a while. I’m excited and ready to step up. But when I told my boyfriend about it, things got...complicated. He wasn’t thrilled. He said that this new role would change our lifestyle too much.

Like less time for chill weekends, more stress, maybe even less time together. Basically, he painted a picture of me turning into a workaholic who forgets how to relax and, more importantly, forgets about us.

I get where he’s coming from relationships do need time and effort, and I don’t want to lose that. But I also can’t just put my goals on hold because he’s uncomfortable with change. I tried to explain that a promotion doesn’t mean I’ll drop everything else. I’m not about to become a robot who only lives for work.

Plus, this opportunity feels like a big step for me personally and professionally. He keeps pushing back, saying he wants a simpler life, maybe less “ambition stress,” and worries it’ll hurt our relationship down the line. Honestly, it’s frustrating because it feels like my growth is a problem for him.

So now I’m stuck wondering am I the jerk here? Should I just say no to this promotion for the sake of keeping the peace? Or is it okay to want more for myself even if it makes my boyfriend uncomfortable? I love him, and I want us to be happy, but I also want to feel proud of what I do and not hold myself back. What do you all think? AITA for wanting this?

The internet did not hold back one bit.

Few_Complex8232 wrote:

My ex had the same response/reaction to promotions and career advancements. It impacted my sense of self-Pride and made me question my ambition. My current partner fully supports each progression and encourages me to push myself. My salary has doubled since being with my current partner and I work LESS hours now. NTA but only if you prioritize yourself.

OP responded:

Wow, thanks for sharing your experience that really hits home. It’s tough when someone close makes you question your own goals. I’m glad you found someone who supports you and that things got better for you both personally and professionally! That’s the kind of relationship I hope for too. Definitely trying to keep myself as a priority while figuring this all out. Thanks again for the encouragement!

Spiritual-Bridge0327 wrote:

Maybe his concerns are valid. HOWEVER it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t take this opportunity to step higher in your career. It simply means you have to be objective about yourself and strive to achieve a decent work-life balance. NTA.

Due_Row537 wrote:

Never ever ever turn down any promotions in your life just to please your partner!!! NEVER! If he doesn’t like what is happening in your life and doesn’t support you then you are simply not compatible! It’s time to leave and live your life!

The fact that he straight away goes into guilt tripping you, telling you your relationship will fail because you won’t have time for each other and other stuff - does he have a crystal ball? How the hell does he know that?!

What he wants is to have a submissive partner who will always please him in any size, shape and form. He doesn’t want you to do better because he is a jealous prick who thinks of himself. He doesn’t want you to earn more money because in his eyes it will look bad on him and also he won’t have a financial control over you. If a man cannot support his woman in every aspect of their life then he is not worth your time! NTA.

eastwardarts wrote:

You are not an AH for wanting to take a promotion that you’re excited about. Your boyfriend is an AH for not being excited and supportive of you. Do you live together? What’s the situation with domestic responsibilities? Does he carry his fair share of the load there? Is there something about this where he’s afraid you’re going to stop cooking, cleaning, etc for him and he’s going to have to step up?

The next day, OP shared an update.

After posting, I sat down with my boyfriend for a proper talk. Like, no TV on, no phones, just us. I told him point-blank that this promotion is important to me, and that I don’t see why building a future together means one of us has to shrink our goals. I also made it clear that while I value our relationship, I can’t promise him a “low-stress, small dream” life just to fit into what he imagined.

He admitted he was scared not of me working more, but of feeling left behind if my career moves faster than his. That honestly hit me harder than I expected. I told him that’s not my plan, but I can’t stop my own progress out of fear.

In the end, I accepted the promotion. He said he’s willing to try and support me, but I can tell he’s still uneasy. I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt for now, but I also promised myself that if this becomes a constant battle, I’ll have to reconsider the relationship. The way I see it: if someone loves you, they should want to see you grow not keep you small.

The comments kept coming.

cosmicshimmer wrote:

I knew it. That little weasel wants to hold you back so he can feel good about being ahead of you. It was never about you and all about him. He’s going to “try”?! As though he’s doing you massive favour?! He should be celebrating with you!

OP responded:

Haha, I get what you’re saying. I don’t know if I’d go as far as calling him a “little weasel” but yeah… I definitely felt that this was more about his own insecurities than about my actual job. I wish his first reaction had been excitement instead of worry, but at least now I know how he really feels.

I’m hoping he steps up and proves he can be genuinely supportive, because I’d rather have a partner who celebrates with me than one who keeps me second-guessing myself.

writierthanthou wrote:

Unfortunately, I'm not surprised by the boyfriend. As always, be vigilant about birth control.

I hope the promotion works out for you.

OP responded:

Yeah, I get what you mean. I’m definitely careful about that, and I appreciate the heads-up. Thank you! I’m really hoping this promotion goes well. I’ve worked hard for it, so fingers crossed.

DEAD-DROP wrote:

53M was single & wild + normal "love" & break ups 7 times prior to getting married at 39. Army officer ER RN obgyn abortion clinic NP

I. KNOW. DRAMA.

Career is important. You must get established, earn. Save. Invest. Grow. Break up. 💔Move on. There is dignity in recognizing a problem & breaking up. No one is necessarily wrong / bad. Just NOT compatible ENOUGH. This may be hard to accept BUT Generally speaking...the 20s are for sorting. Fun. Feels good but lots of meaningless temporary relationships & experiments...

OP responded:

Thanks for sharing your perspective and wow, you’ve definitely lived through some serious life chapters! I think you’re right about the 20s being a sorting phase. It’s hard to hear, but I’m also realizing we might just have different visions for the future. I’m hoping we can work through it, but I’m also keeping in mind what you said about compatibility.

Go-Mellistic wrote:

Just a point of contrast: when I got an advanced degree, big job, and multiple promotions, my husband was my biggest cheerleader. He arranged for celebrations, he proudly told his family and friends about my advancements, and helped manage household stuff during times of stress.

He is thrilled that I make more money and am more ambitious than he is. To me, that’s what a true partner looks like. Just some food for thought…

Wild_Black_Hat wrote:

I kind of get why you would want to wait and see, but he has shown you he was manipulative in order to protect his ego (I wouldn't even say "serve his interests" because on what planet would a partner moving up wouldn't be at least financially better for both partners?).

What is it going to be next? Could he try to sabotage you again? This guy is willing to try to influence you against your better interests. OP, I can appreciate that sometimes in life it's better to avoid moving on too fast, but I'm still worried for you. This isn't long-term partner material.