'AITA for wanting my MIL to move out even though she helped us buy our house?' UPDATED

"AITA for wanting to ask my future MIL to move out of our house?"

I 29F and my fiance 29M live in a 3 bedroom house for 3 yrs now. We used to rent but when we got pregnant, we decided we were in our best financial state to get a mortgage. My parents and his parents gave us some cash to help with the downpayment of our house and we bought a house. Anyway, my fiance renovated the house and it is now in excellent condition.

After a year, my future MIL and FIL decided to move in with us for a year as my FIL would like to travel 6 months a year overseas to visit his mom and deal with some stuff. When they moved, they completely took over my kitchen (changed my plates and put away my appliances to use theirs, used their dining table)...

...used the living room without considering other people (by this i mean changing the show if i paused it to go pee), and overall just using it as if they owned the house, not even considering that we have a 1 yr old living in the house. I’ve talked to them about it but they just brush me off or say yeah but still use their stuff or do whatever they want again.

A year(from when they moved in) has passed and they haven't moved out yet and my FIL has been traveling back and forth and my MIL is being like a queen where I have to look after her dishes, hang her laundry, clean her bathroom, etc. There were some small habits that are driving me insane, she also tries to subtly be bitchy to me and I’ve been keeping it all in.

A few months ago, my sister visited us for an event and has told us that my MIL was saying that they should be able to live here as they “lent” us cash and also to help us with the child ( she’s tried to pay rent but its never consistent as she’s not very good with finances- she will prioritize a trip with her friends instead paying to go to the doctor).

This drove me nuts as this was not true, they sporadically helped us with taking care of the child but we also didnt know that the cash was only a loan as they didnt tell us that, so my fiance and I decided that were gonna pay it all off and we finally did!! My fiance has been very supportive of me but also feels bad for his parents as he is an only child.

I am pregnant the 2nd time around now and we would like to use the 3rd room for my baby boy (my in laws’ room). The rooms are small so we definitely cannot fit 2 single beds in one room. My first child is a girl and she already sleeps by herself and we decided having another baby sleep in her room will disrupt her sleep pattern especially cause the room is small and could not fit another bed, only a small cot.

We’ve tried to talk to my in laws but they are only saying they’ll move soon maybe in 3 months or maybe next year. My fiance has also been asking them a lot but he doesnt get clear answers, so I’m wanting to intervene as they rarely tell me any of their decisions even when I’m physically in front of them.

I’ve asked advice from my parents and they're saying I should try to be more lenient as it might cause some drama if I give them a final date to move out. So I’m wondering, would I be the AH if i give them 3 months to move out? (3 months after my baby is born)

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

ThisWeekInTheRegency said:

It's not your job, it's your husband's job. He should be the one to tell them to move out and to give them a definite date - before the baby is born! They said a year, it's been a year. You've paid back the money. That's it, done and dusted, goodbye.

'I’ve been keeping it all in' You could just not do that. Let them know how you feel in the moment. You're going to be painted as the bad guy anyway, so lean into it!

OP responded:

Thank you, I am learning to speak up for myself and I’m hoping they get it as they usually just pretend to hear me and not take any action.

TararaBoomDA said:

Sell the house. Move. Leave no forwarding address.

SadFlatworm1436 said:

Time to sit down, all four of you, and tell them your cut off date to move out….don’t ask them their date, give them your date. This is your home and your kids so you and your husband need to be united and a team NTA

misstiff1971 said:

Time to tell your husband since he isn't getting his family out of your home to prioritize your family - it is time to sell this house and get one just for you and your children.

And Soft-Accountant9411 said:

I think you're being reasonable personally I can see this is a difficult situation on your husband as well but you shouldn't be playing the role of Cinderella in your own home. It's your house your rules and your husband should back you up on that as well, they can keep their items in their own room.

Regardless I think it's good to see when they moved in and if it's been more than a year offer a few more months stay (like 2 to 3) then put a hard line. They sound entitled so I hope they don't force an eviction process but it will become a lot more difficult if you and your husband aren't on the same team.

You don't deserve to be treated badly in your home and they way MIL treats you is unfair she probably feels some type of way whenever she looks down on you and that isn't okay for her to get off on bossing you.

Start taking steps to protect yourself however you feel fit with getting on the same page with your husband or finding better accommodations or getting the eviction ready if possible or at least start preparing backup plans in case

One week later, OP shared this update:

Taking into account the comments, I sat with my fiance and told him I cant take it anymore, if they(his parents) don't move out in the next 2 wks, I will pack my stuff up and my children and I will live with my parents, and I expect to be paid half of the value of the house. I love my fiance but i love myself and my kids more, and living in this situation is not good for everyone.

He finally put his foot down and told his parents and gave them options on all rental places available. They have started going to inspections but have no good things to say so I dont know if theyre serious or not. My MIL has started being nice to me but I know its just an act. I have slowly packed all their stuff and bought stuff for the house, so all their furniture and appliances are now in the garage.

To be sure they took this seriously, I’ve also packed some of my stuff and my child and unborn child’s stuff for when I move out in case they dont. I can see my fiance panic and im sad i’ve put him in this position but we both know and agree this is all for the best. So thanks everyone, and we’ll see in 2 weeks!

Oh and i have stopped ALL chores i do for them, all i now do is for myself and my kid and fiance only, and Ive asked my fiance also not to pick up their slack too.