Bridesmaid quits after discovering bride stole her entire wedding vision and sabotaged her relationship. AITA? UPDATED
"AITA for wanting to back out of someone’s wedding I agreed to be in?"
I (23F) have been dating my fiancé (20M) for 2 years, and we’re planning to get married between August and October of 2026. We currently live with my parents as we’re saving to move out.
Early in our relationship, I met his dad Hank and stepmom Bertha (his parents are divorced), and things seemed fine at first—until they began constantly badmouthing his mom Allison. 🚩
I also met his brother Bill (23M) and his fiancée Lily (21F). Lily and I became friendly, and since I’m a cosmetologist, I’ve done her hair for the last year. We bonded over wedding stuff—colors, dates, vibes, etc. I shared I wanted an October wedding with certain colors and styles, and she seemed interested, just friendly… or so I thought.
After my fiancé and I got engaged, things shifted. His dad and stepmom started treating me coldly—ignoring me, giving dirty looks, and talking badly about me to him. Bertha even kicked my fiancé out of the house, telling him he could go be with me since she couldn’t “take him away.” My parents took him in without hesitation.
Then Lily and Bill suddenly announced they were getting married this fall (2025). And guess what? All her wedding plans—month, colors, decor, even the dress style—are identical to the ones I told her about.
I brushed it off as coincidence, until she started copying my Instagram stories, nails (I’ve done my own for years), and even said she wants to switch careers to do nails. That’s when it started to feel intentional.
Worse, she apparently started gossiping about me and my fiancé to his mom’s side of the family—spreading lies that we’re in a toxic relationship, and that I’m not good for him. This info clearly came from Bertha’s side, and the only link between the families is Lily.
I calmly confronted her over text, saying it’s not okay to talk behind our backs, especially about something so personal. She flipped out, called me immature, and even threatened to ruin the relationship between my fiancé and his brother.
Then she dragged others into it—texting his aunt, his mom, trying to make it into a huge drama. I stayed calm and eventually apologized just to stop the chaos, even though I feel like I was in the right.
This summer (2025), we all went on a family vacation with his mom’s side. There were 12 of us, so not everyone had their own rooms. Lily threw a huge fit about possibly sharing a room and acted like a brat the entire trip, giving me major mean girl energy. She ended up leaving early.
After she left, my fiancé’s mom told me something shocking: Lily had been trying to set up a meeting between his mom and Bertha to find a way to break me and my fiancé up.
Thankfully, his mom shut it down and told her to stay out of our relationship. Now here’s the kicker: I had already agreed to do Lily’s hair and makeup for her wedding. I’m also a bridesmaid.
But after everything—her copying me, gossiping, and actively trying to sabotage my relationship—I want nothing to do with her wedding. I don’t want to be friends, I don’t want to help her, I don’t even want to go. But the wedding is in two months, and I’m torn between:
Option 1: Stick it out, do the wedding, then cut her off after to avoid drama.
Option 2: Pull out now, deal with the fallout, but finally be at peace and not forced into helping someone who clearly doesn’t like me.
I feel like no matter what I do, it’ll cause drama. I’m happy with my fiancé, my family loves him, and I just want to focus on our future.
AITA for wanting to back out?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
Option 3: stick it out until a couple days before the wedding and then pull out and deal with the fallout yada yada yada.
Exactly what I was thinking. All OP has to do is contact the bride a day or two before the wedding and pretend she just learned about bride's evil plot to actively sabotage her relationship. She can tell her she's a b-word and she wants nothing to do with her.
If no matter what you do, it'll cause drama I hope you choose Option 2. She can get someone she actually likes and isn't trying to sabotage to do her hair and makeup.
Two weeks later, the OP returned with an update.
Hi a week ago I submitted a story and I’m back with an update, I got a lot feedback and thank you everyone for your suggestions and support! I took my time to think about my discussions on what the most mature approach would be.
I was planning on biting my tongue and playing nice until after the wedding. I already made my commitments so I didn’t want to make it seem like I was trying to ruin her day, but I wouldn’t be here if that was the case.
A week ago or so she contacted me asking me if I was still ok with being a bridesmaid I told her yes she was worried I wouldn’t have time do to my own hair and make up and I told her I would be fine.
Me and my fiancé went to his moms house a little after that and she had informed me that one of the groomsmen or bridesmaid canceled, I can’t remember honestly but I made a comment on how is that why she asked if I was ok with being a bridesmaid still. But I kept my peace trying to be as nice as I can.
A few hours ago my fiancé informed me that she was asking on why I hate her, I don’t know where she got that idea I’ve been trying to be nice and haven’t said anything other wise. right after he told me that she messaged me saying “so sorry but I can’t have you be a bridesmaid” it was a long pity me message and that set me off.
I got really angry because she was still expecting my fiancé to be a groomsmen and for me to do her hair and makeup. I haven’t told her why I have an issue because I feel like I don’t need to explain myself.
She knows what she did and, if what she did was a year ago I would’ve put past me ,but since everything unraveled this year, I just can’t accept the fact that she tried to meddle into my relationship and life.
Long story short I told her I wouldn’t be doing her hair or makeup indefinitely and that my fiancé would not be a groomsmen and of course she tried to make it seem like I’m ruining her day and that we are horrible people but after a few hours of thinking and talking to other family members we feel it’s best we keep our distance from her.
I don’t know what would have happened if I backed out sooner or had a conversation with her about everything but she did this to her self and me and my fiancé don’t owe her anything.
Again thank you all for your feedback it really helped with my thinking! I still hope the best for her that’s just who I am but I’m glad that she put me into this situation so I can finally stop stressing about it.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
Sounds like you really tried to keep the peace for as long as you could. Boundaries are important, and it’s okay to walk away when someone continues to overstep them. You did what you needed to for your own well-being.
Stop texting her. It's a terrible way to "communicate." Plus, it leaves a digital trail. Block her number. Remove yourself from these discussions and let your fiance take it from here. This is his family, after all. The most important relationships are between him and his brother/family. You shouldn't be involved.
Formal-Baby8174 (OP)
Yeah I shouldn’t be involved but she was the one talking to me and texting me but if she tries to communicate any further my fiancé will talk to his brother rather than his brothers significant other.
Or you could take responsibility for yourself and invest the few seconds it would take to block her.
Formal-Baby8174 (OP)
Yeah some people would just block and forget about it and I think anybody has that right, But for this situation I feel it would just make things worse. I do want to have a relationship with them and maybe I’m dumb for that. if I’m going to have any conversation in the future it will be face to face and that’s when we will see if we can work past it or not.