'AITA for wanting to call out my cousin after she flirted with my husband?'
"AITA for wanting to call out my cousin after she flirted with my husband?"
I (26F) grew up extremely close to my cousin (27F); basically sisters. She’s always been very flirty and loves attention, and everyone in the family kind of excuses it as “that’s just how she is”.
Before she visited us last week, I told my husband that she can get very flirty with the men I like/date. I didn’t want to predispose him, but did want him to be aware because he’s my husband and my bestie haha.
During her visit tho, she would constantly try to get his attention. She didn’t stay with us because I didn’t feel comfortable with the thought of her making him uncomfortable while I’m not home, etc.
Compliments, little touches here and there, finding reasons to sit next to him, laughing super loud at everything he said…. Etc. I tried to ignore it at first, but it got uncomfortable enough that my husband eventually told her directly that she was being a lot because it was weird and it was their first time meeting.
Now she’s been telling family members that we were rude, that my husband embarrassed her, and that I’m insecure and controlling.
What’s making me feel conflicted is that this isn’t the first time.
A few years ago, when she came to visit me, I specifically asked her not to hook up with a guy I was seeing. She promised she wouldn’t and then got very drunk and had relations with him in a club bathroom that same night. It was insane and my friends were the ones who found them and then came to tell me.
I let it go back then to keep the peace and because her whole family was visiting us (we leave in another country), and she did apologize a lot. But our relationship hasn’t been the same since.
But now I’m questioning why I keep protecting her reputation when she keeps crossing boundaries. AITA for wanting to finally tell people why I don’t trust her instead of staying quiet?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
I'm sure they all know and don’t care unless she’s hitting on their husbands.
Girl. I don't know if you are blind, but she is clearly not a good person. A decent person shouldn't be flirty to a person they know they are dating. I know she is like a sister to you, but this type of behavior is a habit that she needs to work it out. Also, not NTA.
Also when you said stated she had relations with the one your seeing, is also the red flag. Even if she is drunk or not. And you are just worried about your husband, but you should trust him that he wouldn't be swayed by her flirting. If he can't, that would be a problem as well.
ZucchiniSpiritual707 (OP)
Yeah I see what you’re saying and I agree!! I wasn’t worried about my husband at all. It was more of a heads up and so that we could talk about it later. And honestly I was hoping that she’d be done with that behavior by now. That’s ridiculous!!
Not the AH. But I don’t think it will go how you think. A lot of times it all falls back on the messenger cus everyone will say you should let it go and you are trying to be mean by telling the story about her. It’s not right but I feel like it happens a lot. I could be wrong just a thought.
ZucchiniSpiritual707 (OP)
What would you do?
I personally think it’s amazing that your husband told her to cut it out. I feel that that was probably shocking to the cousin and hit harder than you saying anything. Every family is different so in my family i don't address things unless it is brought directly to me.
Most people will agree that communication is the key to healthy relationships which puts yalls communication as a good thing instead of a bad thing. Like i said every family is different so that may not work at all but my approach is always make them start the conversation and attack with logic lol.
NTA - But why DID you forgive her? When she keeps doing it, and you know everyone makes excuses for her and her actions, why join the enablers?
ZucchiniSpiritual707 (OP)
I don’t know… I genuinely don’t know. I don’t know if it’s been normalized or if it’s our family and the culture around families in my country. It sounds insane now that I’m getting all of these outside perspectives. I don’t know what to say but I don’t think you’re wrong.
No, you were TA for staying quiet. Let your family know that you have enough of her antics. Her being flirty without boundaries might be who she is but it NOT an excuse any more. She was a man-stealing witch and she shows she still is.
You can only control your own behaviour. Refuse to participate in any family activity where she will be present, if at all possible. If anyone calls you on not being there just reply “being with Gertrude doesn’t work for us.” No explanation. No apology.
NTA. She's not your friend, she's not a good person, and cheating is not "just how someone is." She purposely goes after men you date or like, and "I was drunk" stops being an excuse when it's a pattern.
Tell her she embarrassed herself by sexually harassing a man who is married into her family. Asking her to chill and keep her hands to herself is not being insecure, rude, or controlling; it is setting boundaries.
"The only people who have an issue with you setting boundaries are those who benefit from you having none." Stop protecting her, stop hanging around her, stop enabling her, and continue to call her on her actions. WHEN she has an affair with someone else's husband, remind your family "This is just how she is, right?"