I 28 F have been married for six years with my 30 M husband. We’ve been together for about 10 years total. I finally talked to my husband about wanting to take the steps on separation, then leading to divorce, due to the fact that I am emotionally and mentally burnt out of our marriage.
To some of our marriage, as simply as I could put it, I chose to be there when there was no job when there was no money when there was no princess treatment, no dates, no affection on his part. Yes I could’ve chose to leave and be with someone else, but I had so much faith on him in our marriage and I still got completely destroyed.
Back in 2018 my mother-in-law passed away and that is when my husband had checked out of life. We took on the responsibility on taking care of his two younger brothers because they didn’t have anywhere to go.
Not only was I a new mother to our daughter, but I also had to be a mother figure for his brothers, which I did all alone because my husband could not get himself up and going, which I understood. I helped him try to get out of his funk motivated him to do anything which I knew he could do.
Just to come and find out that he was cheating on me and talking to other women on social media I tried everything I could do to keep our marriage alive, but it was always a one-way street.
Now that I have the conversation where I love him because he is the father of my child, but I’m not in love with him anymore from being emotionally and mentally burnt out. He’s now trying to step up.
I can’t take this emotional roller coaster anymore. This isn’t the first time that we’ve had this conversation but this time I’m officially done and over with this marriage and he knows it.
The other day he wrote me a lengthy letter on how he appreciates and loves me and wishes that I could change my mind about the separation, but I can’t help it but feel that this is too late.
Am I wrong? Should I just give it another shot with the millionth time be the one time that it could work? Deep in my heart I know I can’t take another 10 years of this emotional abuse.
I don’t see any reason to stay with this ungrateful cheater.
Not wrong but the letter wont change him if you stay. Careful this could get ugly. Good luck.
Not Wrong. He wants you there for the convenience and what you provide him not for you. A cheater is a cheater. You stated you are done. Once you go back, he will feel he has you and the cycle will start over. Don't prolong it. Don't let him take you for granted any longer. You DESERVE better!
Sounds like he just doesn't want to have to take care of his brothers. There is very very little chance he'll actually change. This sounds like a too little too late situation. I'll ask you. Even if he changes to be prince charming will you fall in love with him again? Will you trust him again? Or would you just be staying out of feelings of obligation?
Nope.. don’t fall for this token efforts. He had 10 years to show you how much you mattered, to help you carry the family work load and be a supportive partner. Don’t fall for his BS. What’s worse is he cheated on you. Get rid of the man baby so you can create the physical space and mental space to allow a real partner to step in.
When you are done you're done. You've finally hit your breaking point. Follow through with your word because he's just trying to get you to stay to go back to his old ways.
Could you do a trial separation? It sounds like you’ve done your part and made your decision. I don’t think you are wrong. But maybe for your peace of mind you can try moving out and live without him and see how you feel in a few months. I hope it all works out for you which ever you choose to do!
He’s stepping up now because he knows you’re finally serious about leaving. If you back down and agree to work on things, he’ll go right back to how things were. This is very much how I felt with my ex. We had numerous talks, saw a counselor and one day I decided I was done being unhappy and miserable.
I told him we were over and he started begging me to reconsider and promising he’d change. He didn’t make any effort to change and I knew I’d made the right decision. Up to you what to do but I think you’ve reached your breaking point, you and your child will be better off without this stress. I’m sorry you’ve had to go through this and good luck!
You’re not wrong. What’s he’s doing now is too little too late and he’s only doing it because he doesn’t want any to lose all the work you put into the family. If he loved you he wouldn’t have cheated. If he loved you he would have carried his weight in the family. He just loves what you do for him.
It never hurts to try one more time, but to me, you sound like you are really done. And when a woman is really done, the chances of that changing are slim to none. But if you do give it another chance, you could at least know you tried one more time. But honestly, only you can make that decision.