'AITA for wanting to move out because my brother and his baby mama don’t respect my time?'

"AITA for wanting to move out because my brother and his baby mama don’t respect my time?"

I (30F) recently moved in with my brother after ending a three-year relationship. I’ve been living with him for about three months. Around the same time I moved in, he also split from the mother of his child. She moved back in with her mom.

For context, the baby’s mother has lupus and has been in and out of the hospital a lot lately—22 days total in the last month and a half. My brother works full-time as a manager at a meat distribution warehouse and regularly works 40+ hours a week.

I’m a YouTuber and online business owner, so I work from home. Because of the hospital visits, I’ve been the one watching my nephew. I absolutely adore him—he’s sweet, fun, and not the issue at all.

The problem is that it feels like my brother, his baby mama, and her mother have collectively decided that I’m the default childcare option. There’s been no real communication, no schedule, no compensation—no cash, no thank-you meal, nothing. Just the assumption that because I work from home, I’m available.

This has directly affected my income. I normally post 2–3 videos a day and fulfill anywhere from 5–15 orders daily. Since watching my nephew, my production has slowed down significantly, I’ve fallen behind on work, and my checks over the last two months reflect that.

Two days ago, I sat my brother down and told him I don’t appreciate how his child’s mother disrespects me and my time by leaving her child with me for days on end with no plan or communication. To make things worse, while my nephew was in my care recently, he got hurt.

I took him to children’s urgent care immediately. The doctors confirmed it was nursemaid’s elbow—a very common toddler injury related to how their joints develop. I even reviewed my home cameras and showed the footage because I was genuinely confused about how it happened.

Despite all that, the baby’s mother completely flew off the handle. She accused me of hurting her child on purpose—not to my face, but to my brother—and called me out of my name. This hurt deeply. I’m a former daycare teacher and public school teacher with over nine years of experience. I’m certified in newborn care and am also a certified foster parent. I would never harm a child. Ever.

What really bothered me was that after accusing me of hurting her child, she got out of the hospital and went to get her hair and nails done. If you truly believe someone is harming your child, you don’t leave your child with them again.

As a foster parent, I’m legally obligated to report mistreatment. If this were any other parent leaving their child with me for days with no communication or pickup plan, I would be required to report it. I understand this is my nephew and the dynamic is different—but that doesn’t erase the responsibility.

I feel like she’s created a one-sided beef with me ever since she and my brother broke up. When I told my brother how disrespected I felt, he said I was “blowing it out of proportion.” Yet he still had the nerve to ask if I’d have my full rent this month—even though I couldn’t fully pay the last two months because my income was impacted by watching his child.

At this point, it feels like all three of them are comfortable dumping my nephew on me whenever she gets sick because they assume I’m available. When I put my foot down and said she doesn’t get to disrespect me like that, my brother told me he didn’t care and said, “This is my house. If you don’t like it, you can move out.”

That hurt deeply. This is my first time living with him, but he’s lived with me three different times after being kicked out of our mom’s house. I never once pulled a power move or said, “This is my house.” If you’re contributing to a household, it should feel like your home too.

I got emotional and told him that if he was going to start using the “my house” argument, I’d move out. He said he didn’t care. I talked to our mom about it, and she agreed with me. She said it’s wrong and that my brother and the mother of his child need to come up with a real childcare plan because I’m not the default. She plans to talk to him, but he’s been ignoring her texts for two days.

At this point, he hasn’t spoken to me either. I feel used, disrespected, and financially affected for trying to help. So, WIBTA if I moved out?

This is what people had to say to OP:

AuraFairyLove said:

Move out, this is not healthy for you.

Kate2205 said:

NTA Time to move. Until then do not watch the child. Leave for the day and work somewhere else.

Upper_Assignment9201 said:

YTA to yourself if you don’t. Why are you continuing to watch the child without any compensation toward rent? And allowing them to disrespect you. Move, and let them figure out on their own. Taking advantage and taking for granted.

catlettuce said:

NTA, you should absolutely move out ASAP. And cease babysitting for them altogether. If either of them says anything about it you can state you do not want to be responsible for Nephew getting hurt on your watch and after being directly accused by nephews Mother of intentionally hurting him

("She accused me of hurting her child on purpose—not to my face, but to my brother—and called me out of my name")

you will not take on the liability of watching your nephew again-period and end of discussion. Perhaps you can crash at your moms for a few days until you find a suitable home to rent/buy, but I would get the hell out of there asap.

OP responded:

I wish it would be that simple, but my mother lives in Arizona, and I am in Atlanta. I’m looking at an Airbnb for the month of January.

OP later shared this update:

Since this situation happened, my brother has completely stopped speaking to me. Instead of addressing the issue, he’s been moving even more selfishly and has begun expecting me to do all of the cleaning in the house—on top of maintaining my own space and continuing to care for his child when asked.

At the same time, my car has been down. I’ve had no choice but to walk or take public transportation. For context, Georgia has been extremely cold this past week. Because of this, I’ve been stuck staying with a friend at times since it’s not safe or realistic for me to walk long distances in freezing temperatures.

While all of this was going on, family from our father’s side came into town. Instead of including me or helping me get there, my brother took his child’s mother to meet our grandmother before even considering me—knowing full well that I don’t currently have a vehicle. (In the shop)

Only after the visit was already over did he ask, at the last minute, if I wanted to go see our grandmother. He then dropped me back home and told me he was going to spend time with his child’s mother and her father, who was also in town.

To be clear: this is the same woman he claims causes him constant stress and financial strain. Yet he continues to prioritize her and her family, while I’m left without transportation, support, or basic consideration.

Yesterday, my brother sent me a text message that genuinely shocked me with how dismissive and disrespectful it was. He said:

“We’re gonna try to ride out this lease. I don’t think it’s wise for us to live together. The plan hasn’t been working and it’s hurting me too much. I understand your car situation and helping watch my son, but the amount of time you’ve been here versus how much financial help I’ve gotten isn’t satisfactory.”

This felt like a slap in the face. There have been multiple times in the past when my brother lived with me—often without paying rent, without a car, and without contributing financially,at all really. I was the one making sure we both ate, had transportation to work, and had stability. I never once threw that in his face.

This is the first month I’ve been financially short—and it’s largely because I was watching his child instead of working the way I normally do. My income has taken a direct hit because of that. Now that I’m the one struggling, I’m being treated as disposable.

I’m currently waiting on my mechanic to finish repairing my vehicle, which should hopefully be within the next few days. As soon as I have my car back, I will be moving out.

As painful as it is to say, this situation has forced me to confront a larger truth: when I am the one giving, sacrificing, and holding things together, my family is comfortable benefiting from me.

But the moment I need support—after leaving an abusive relationship, after losing income to help my brother, after losing our father five years ago (and carried the weight of it all financially)—I’m met with coldness, blame, and dismissal.

I have done things I’m not proud of just to survive. I have helped my brother pick up the pieces of his life, including after jail time, mere months after we lost our dad. That loss changed me forever, and instead of compassion, I’ve been met with expectations and entitlement.

My brother’s behavior, financial instability, and lack of accountability are not things I can continue to absorb at the cost of my mental health. Right now, I need peace, stability, and distance. So no—I don’t think I’d be the a$$hole for moving out. I think staying would make me one to myself.