'AITA for wanting to treat Father’s Day the same way my husband treated Mother’s Day?'

"AITA for wanting to treat Father’s Day the same way my husband treated Mother’s Day?"

I (SAHM, f, 30s) have a 5yo, an 11mo, and I’m currently pregnant — due in September. My husband is currently out of work due to health issues, and he recently went on a fishing trip with his dad. I had no problem with that — it’s something he loves — but he promised to be home early Sunday so we could spend Mother’s Day together.

I spent Saturday cleaning the house and prepping sides for ribs he said he’d make. I was really looking forward to just relaxing and feeling appreciated. Instead, he didn’t show up until 2:30pm. By then, I had taken care of the kids, made all the food and cooked the ribs myself.

When he got home, he was upset I was being distant. He gave me a gift that he had me pick up (an ice maker — something he also wanted), and thought that should smooth everything over. Then he invited his parents over to watch hockey (which I hate and asked to change), and didn’t lift a finger the rest of the day.

This isn’t new behavior — I’m usually the last person he considers. I handle the kids, the house, everything — and when it comes to me, it’s like the bare minimum is “enough.” I’m feeling hurt and frustrated, and part of me wants to do the same thing on Father’s Day to make a point. WIBTA if I did?

What do you think? WIBTA for giving her husband a taste of his own medicine? This is what commenters had to say:

Corfiz74 said:

Please mirror his energy - you should also go on a girls' trip that weekend, promise to come back Sunday morning - and then don't. And why do you keep having kids with a guy who is this unsupportive? Wouldn't it have made more sense to stop at two and go back to work, to be less dependent on him?

CoffeeIcedBlack said:

YWBTA if you stayed with someone who clearly doesn’t appreciate you.

bdayqueen said:

NTA - Go do something fun. I maintain that Mother's Day is a day for the father to take the kids to give mom a break and Father's Day is a day for the father to take the kids to do something fun.

ImpossibleReason2204 said:

"This isn’t new behavior", and yet you're gestating child number three. Here's the thing. In your story you let him do what he's doing. He arrives late, you do his cooking for him. He invites his family over! You don't say a word. He goes full-on lame on the gift. You pick it up.

Instead of doing the passive aggressive thing and treating him as he treats you (justified, but not effective) try letting him know what you need. Don't you want to model a healthy relationship for your kids?

Then don't do this negative back and forth. Have some positive communication with him about what you need from the relationship. And stop having children with him until the relationship has reached a healthy place. ESH

She later shared this edit to her post:

Thanks to everyone who commented — I’ve read through the replies and I really appreciate both the support and the tough love. I want to clarify a few things based on what some people have said. This isn’t new behavior, and it’s something I’ve been vocal about in the past. I’ve tried to be direct with my husband about how his actions (or lack of them) affect me.

I’ve expressed how I feel overlooked, unsupported, and like I’m constantly picking up the slack. But I’m often met with negativity or brushed off. He tends to say that my standards are “too high” or that I’m being unreasonable, which leaves me feeling even more alone in the relationship.

As for the comments about having more children — both of my younger kids were unplanned and conceived while I was on birth control. So while I understand where that question is coming from, it wasn’t a matter of simply choosing to have more kids despite the issues.

That said, I have been actively making plans and taking steps to be able to support myself and my kids independently. I’m just not in a position yet where I can pack up and leave, especially while pregnant and with such young children. That doesn’t mean I’m resigned — it means I’m being realistic and cautious while I prepare myself emotionally, financially, and logistically.

I do want to be clear that I’m not interested in being petty or retaliatory — like skipping Father’s Day just to “make a point.” But I am tired, hurt, and at my limit. A serious conversation is overdue, and I plan to make it clear that things have to change — or I will have to make some hard choices, for my sake and for my kids.'

Thanks again to everyone who took the time to respond — even when it was hard to read, it’s been helpful to reflect on.