'AITA for wanting my wife to support her parents out of her own money?'

"AITA for wanting my wife to support her parents out of her own money instead of ours?"

My wife (41F) and I (43M) have been married for 12 years. We pool most of our money but keep a little separate “fun money” for ourselves. I earn about 80% of our household income, her income is sporadic.

Her parents are elderly and can’t work any more. She has three siblings; two brothers, who don’t talk to them or help in any way because their mother has fallen out with them. And her sister, who helps a little, but not nearly as much as us. Neither of her parents planned for retirement. Her dad even sold his private pension at some point, so now they have nothing.

To keep them from being homeless (and because I didn’t want to be stuck paying rent for them indefinitely), I used all of my savings to buy an apartment which they live in rent-free (until it's no longer needed). On top of that, for the past six years we’ve been sending them a monthly payment out of our shared funds, which is their entire income.

When times were more fruitful, and we had more money, it didn’t feel as hard to manage. But now that things are tighter financially, I’m sending them more money each month than I actually keep for myself. I’m feeling resentful. It doesn’t seem fair that I’m sacrificing while I am being required to support her parents.

I think the monthly payment should come out of her side of things, and that I should at least get the same amount for myself. AITA for wanting her to cover her parents out of her share instead of ours?

Extra details:

1) Parents are 83 and 87, so just too old to work.

2) My wife rents houses and gets a commission when she does. So it depends on performance.

3) Yes, we have fought allot about this. Manly comes up when she wants to send additional money and I don't want her to as we've sent enough.

4) No, not in the US, her parents are in South America and don't have any social security.

5) Very little, fun money. We send them at least double what each of us get each month. No extra for savings or investing.

Later, OP edited the post to include:

ballman666 said:

NTA, but your wife needs to get a full time JOB immediately.

Individual_Ad_9213 said:

NAH. Whether or not your wife contributes more, the support for her parents would still by coming out of YOUR family's communal property and/or income. To me, it seems like you and she would just be pushing around the deck chairs on the Titanic.

Talk to your spouse about your family's finances and ask her to meet with a financial planner. Decide the limits on what your family can contribute to her parents' upkeep.

And then, have an adult conversation with her siblings about what they're willing to contribute to their parents' maintenance. If your wife insists on sending more money than you are able to her parents, she may need to return to working full time in order to do so.

murphy2345678 said:

YTA to yourself (and any kids you have) It’s time for your wife to get a full time job to support her parents. You need to stop being used by her and her parents. As long as you enable her she will continue to do it. Just stop!

Flat-Replacement4828 said:

NTA. Y'all are being taken advantage of. This is ridiculous.

remilavenderr said:

NTA. You already bought them a rent-free apartment and have been footing most of the bills for years. That’s incredibly generous, and way more than most in-laws could expect. It’s not unreasonable to say, “I’ve carried this for six years, now it needs to come from your side.”

Especially since you’re the one earning the majority of the income and you’re literally sending them more money than you keep for yourself. She’s their daughter, her siblings have bailed, and it’s not your job alone to make sure her parents are financially supported forever.

peachysoull said:

NTA, you’ve already done way more than most would by buying them a place and covering bills this long. It’s not wrong to want her to take responsibility out of her own share instead of draining the money you both rely on. Boundaries don’t mean you don’t care, it just means you’re not their retirement plan.

hospicedoc said:

If your wife's income is sporadic, does that mean that she works sporadically? If so, she needs to get a part-time job to supplement her parent's income. You're doing far more than your share for your in-laws. I hope their apartment becomes a good investment for you. NTA.