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Kilt Conundrum: Man considers leaving judgmental girlfriend behind. AITA?

Kilt Conundrum: Man considers leaving judgmental girlfriend behind. AITA?


"AITA for threatening to not take my girlfriend as my +1 to a friend’s wedding over a wardrobe disagreement?"


Two of my friends (Kate and Max, not real names) are getting married to each other, and I received an invitation that included loose guidelines for attire, not quite a strict dress code, but guidelines for men to wear a formal suit and tie with the “Please reach out with any questions” addendum.

Because I tend to wear a nice 8 yard kilt with a Prince Charlie or Braemar jacket and waistcoat when I am wearing formal attire I reached out to Kate to ask if it would be appropriate and told my girlfriend (Sara, also a fake name) that I hoped I could wear my kilt.

Before I received a reply Sara told me that I absolutely cannot wear my kilt because it wouldn’t be appropriate for a formal attire, mind you she has seen me in my kilt and PC for other formal events.

But she said that she would leave it if the bride said it was okay. So all was good for a few days. Until Kate responded that it was great because Max would also be wearing a kilt as would a handful of other people at the wedding.

Initially Sara insisted that I still shouldn’t wear a kilt because I would stand out too much because I wont be in the wedding party, until I pointed out that Kate explicitly said that she already knew some guests would be wearing kilts.

But yesterday Max texted me because Sara had asked him to tell me not to wear my kilt, and he was weirded out because he knew that I would ask to wear my kilt and thought it was strange for her to ask him about it.

I was kind of hurt and when I asked why she asked Max to tell me not to wear a kilt she said that she thought it was the only way to get me not to embarrass her. I kind of get the embarrassment angle, I do sometimes get stares when I’m wearing a kilt in public, and I know that she is introverted.

She also comes from a pretty conservative background and when we first met she hadn’t really encountered kilts before and she has had some misgivings about me wearing them in the past.

I admit I got kind of mad and told her that I didn’t have to bring her as my plus one, because I was the one who was invited. We got into an argument and she left pretty mad last night and I while I feel justified in my decision I also don’t know if I am in the wrong.

Here were the top rated comments from readers:


NTA. It appears that everybody but your gf is fine with your wearing a kilt. Leaving her behind for this wedding would clearly be a kindness so that she can avoid being embarrassed. It's far less drastic than her pressuring the groom to forbid you from wearing a kilt. I would consider this kind of extreme attempt at controlling you to be a red flag.

The OP responded here:


I hadn't considered her asking the groom to be an attempt at controlling me, I definitely see that now. But I don't know if she really meant it that way either.


She did. She asked you to your face and in an attempt to get her own way, she went around behind your back to try to get the outcome she wanted. You already said no. She didn't like that. Her reaction is telling, dude. Listen to her telling you who she is.


NTA. Sara needs to get over herself. You'll actually be less likely to be stared at at the wedding because others will be wearing kilts. And Sara way overstepped by going to the groom behind your back. But do expect this to be a relationship ending fight if you disinvite your girlfriend as your +1 to the wedding.

The OP again responded here:


I really hope it isn't a relationship ending fight, I am going to give her some space so I can think on it. But I am feeling a little more emotionally itchy about her talking to the groom now.


NTA. My husband is a kilt everyday guy. He has casual kilts for around the house, but I love going out with him, as he ALWAYS gets compliments from men and women. I find that amazing, because men don't often comment on other men's clothes.

I'm also not the jealous type, and enjoy my hubs being admired by other ladies. If your gf is embarrassed by the kilt, she needs to get over herself. They are a gorgeous piece of clothing with a long and proud history.


NTA As long as what you're wearing is within the guidelines of your friends' wedding, you should be okay to wear what you want. Your girlfriend has the same freedom to choose how to dress at this event. For some reason, she has doubled down on not approving your choice of clothing.

While that's on her, you might consider trying to figure out what's really going on. You are right in that she doesn't have to go if (a) your clothing choices will embarrass her, (b) she's going to continue to fuss about it, and/or (c) she's going to cause a stink at the wedding or reception.

So, who do you think is in the wrong here? What advice would you give this couple?

Sources: Reddit
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