"AITA for warning people that my sister lies a lot?"
My sister (26) just found out that I (29) warn people I know before they meet her that she is a compulsive liar. I love my sister a lot but she has a serious issue with lying about everything all the time. Even dumb little things that don't make sense half the time.
I can always tell when she is lying but other people can't and I don't want my friends or other people I know to believe her when she lies about things that are big deals though. So whenever she says something I know is a lie around my friends they look at me and I shake my head no and this is a system I have set up.
I don't call her out or embarrass her in front of other people and they never say anything either just nod and we move on. My sister isn't a bad person and we both had very hard childhoods and went through a lot of trauma so I give her grace and ask that you do too. I do know a lot her issues with lying comes from wanting attention.
The little lies don't bother me and I ignore them but the big ones are usually very problematic. Well yesterday she met a coworker of mine who I warned that she lies a lot to before hand. She said something that was outrageous and my coworker looked at me and I shook my head no and we moved on.
My sister saw it and on the way back to my house asked me why sometimes I shake my head no when she talks. I explained why, exactly as I did to you guys above. I wasn't mean or cold about it and my sister knows that I have an issue with her lying all the time already. We'll she thinks I'm an ahole now because now everyone is going to think she is liar. So AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
TheMandolin said:
NTA. She is a liar, it’s perfectly fine and even a good idea to warn people about it. If she’s lying due to a mental health condition that is attention seeking, preventing people from overreacting to the lies denies her that attention and thus doesn’t feed the cycle her brain is trying to start. And it protects your friends from being inadvertently taken advantage of.
analogascension said:
NTA. I would sit her down and explain to her that she is an adult now and she is actively embarrassing herself and you as her family by continuing to lie about these ridiculous things. To protect yourself, you've been forced to give caveat when she speaks. If she still doesn't comprehend what this means, then she should be in a care facility.
Only-Breadfruit-6108 said:
You say she’s not a bad person, but honestly, if she’s not trustworthy, then she’s not a good person. That’s about as much grace as she deserves. You’re NTA to your friends, colleagues, people on here, but you were to her.
For her own good, but you know she doesn’t want that. You were disloyal; and she’s right to be angry, but because she’s not a good person, she’s a chronic liar, she doesn’t deserve loyalty. See how that works?
Kitchen-Purple-5061 said:
NTA. If she doesn’t want people to “think she’s a liar,” she should stop lying to people.
paul_rudds_drag_race said
NTA she’s a known liar, so she will be perceived and treated as such. Based on her types of lies, it sounds like she goes between wanting pity and wanting to be admired. If I had a friend who brought such a lair around, I’d want a heads up about that behavior. I don’t want to spend energy trying to comfort or hype up a liar.
Amonette2012 said:
NTA, if she was truthful this wouldn't be an issue.
Deep-Okra1461 said:
NTA. She IS a liar. When someone lies so often and so regularly that another person has created a system to sort out the lies from the truth, that someone is a liar. The important bit is A) will your sister acknowledge she has a problem and B) will she commit to working on her problem?