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'WIBTA for warning the Airbnb about the huge party?' 'Am I betraying my friend?'

'WIBTA for warning the Airbnb about the huge party?' 'Am I betraying my friend?'

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"WIBTA for warning the Airbnb about the huge party?"

I live in a tiny rural town. My friend from Regional MegaCity wants to get married here. They came to visit me and fell in love with my town. This was all cool until they could not afford a venue for the rehearsal dinner, and would use the AirBnB. I offered to pay for a venue, as I can get a great deal being local and being friends with, like, a lot of this tiny town.

This caused a sort of pride thing, where friend insisted they did not need the money. I insisted that if I was going to help set up folding tables, that I needed to know the owner was okay with this, as Airbnb has anti-party language in the contract.

The owner was vaguely asked in a way that made it seem like the bridesmaids would be having high tea, not that 30+ people would be having a catered dinner. The thing is, I live here. If this blows up and the police get called, I don't go back to MegaCity.

If I let my local neighbor know they are getting a big event and they may want to clear this up to avoid misunderstandings on the day of, am I betraying my friend? I asked my friend to clearly state this is a major event and not an assumed wedding shower with a few girls and pie plates. They told me the permission was permission and to let it go.

Now I'm nervous because as the MoH I am going to be waist deep in throwing a boozy party that is likely going to get neighbors really upset, and being that this is rural angry America, people in the Cul du Sac where the house is might actually get the event broken up by calling police.

It is NOT a chill party town. Friend says nothing bad will happen and as the bride she has ordered that I never bring this up again.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

ExeuntonBear said:

Only you know how small your town is and how uptight and influential the AirBnB owner is. If having 30 people there will result in you being unable to buy milk without being spat on, then NTA. But be prepared to lose your MOH title and possibly the friendship as well. These are the choices.

nordic_wolf_ said:

NTA. You have to live with the consequences if something goes wrong. If this was my AirBnb, I would definitely want to know if there was a party for 30 people!

sdp82 said:

NTA. The bride definitely is though, for putting you in this position in the first place. Guess you need to ask yourself who’s opinion you value more - the people you live with every day, or a “friend” who doesn’t care that you’re going to have to deal with the fallout she’s intentionally causing?

Glad-Conclusion-9385 said:

I Think NTA but you have a lot of ego and pride here where maybe you shouldn’t. Let them be in charge and make their own mistakes and have their own consequences. You won’t be held responsible.

Also I don’t know what your rural town looks like but the social temperature here in mine is very much mind your business if it doesn’t harm you. It’s a party. People have parties. It’ll be ok.

mfruitfly said:

NTA. You know your town, and even though I do live in a MegaCity, I can totally appreciate that if a bunch of strangers descend on a small town, the party gets broken up, and you are seen there, you might have some uncomfortable moments for awhile.

Plus, even without the impact on you, respecting the home and also the neighborhood is a fine value to have. My suggestion would be to see if someone you know in the small town could tell the owner for you, basically a friend you conspire with to tell the owner "oh ya, I heard you rented out your house for a wedding."

Then, you can tell your friend that no, you didn't say anything and when you were told to never bring it up again, you didn't, but your friend did ask what you were up to on the wedding weekend and you told them you had a wedding to go to, and well, this is a small town and word gets around.

hadMcDofordinner said:

The landlord deserves some respect for the rules concerning his/her property. If your friend will not be truthful, then remove yourself from the wedding plans entirely and let them deal with any negative consequences. You will not be involved and can just block them when they come crying, etc.

NTA You could warn the landlord, sure, but make sure you are no longer involved with the wedding as well. If you stay in the wedding party, you are complicit as you know the rules are being broken.

New-Cucumber-7423 said:

NTA but do it quickly so your friend can make alternate arrangements, hell, maybe have one or two alternates locked and loaded for them.

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