'AITA for warning my wife that I won't be there for her on rainy days?'
"AITA for warning my wife that I won't be there for her on rainy days?"
37M & 39F, both in tech. Our country has already a BIG unemployment issue, like 100-200 candidates fighting for 1 job. And the market in getting unstable as well, big lay offs happening everyday and even the Senior Software Developers are getting lay-off letters unexpectedly at midnight.
This has created a lot of tension among those with no rich parents. All tech employees who've even a little sense of finance have started to limit their expenditures, creating tight budgets and saving most of their income. Even the top earners, who earn a LOT are doing this. Uncertainty in Job market has exponentially increased post 2020, things have totally changed now.
Earlier, we used to spend normal and save normal. But now, we need to save more. We've 17-20 good friends who are in tech, 6-7 of them are already laid off and unemployed since months. All of them were "well settled" once.
I'm trying to have an open discussion with her since 2-3 years. I tried a 100 times. Myself, I've changed my habits of spending. Shifted to a much lower Gym, completely stopped buying games. Stopped half a dozen of subscriptions, etc.
I always create a spreadsheet. Earlier, I was saving <30% of my income. Now, I'm saving >50%. Trying to explain it all to my wife but she hasn't changed a bit, not even trying to make a move.
Instead, she's inclining towards spending even more, as she's aware that I'm saving more than ever before. Yesterday, she purchased an iPhone 17 despite my warning, just because her current iPhone has gone "slow" (excuse, it's working fine. In fact, I use iPhone 12, she was using iPhone 14).
This was the final nail and I seriously told her that after seeing her behavior towards money, our bank accounts are separate, we pay equally for the bills, she won't be spared from paying her part and I'm NOT saving for us, I'm saving for myself. It upset her like never before AITA we earn average and work in an average firm btw.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
CrocusCat said:
NTA, but you need a tangible goal. What savings buffer would make you feel less anxious? 6 months worth of expenses? 12? Present a goal and a real number to your wife, and see how that discussion goes. Living frugally into perpetuity is fine for some, not for others. But most people can (I hope!) sacrifice in the short term with an end in sight.
Potential-Jury-9226 said:
NTA. I feel like you’ve already explained enough that you tried to have an open discussion, but she’s not making any effort. Since you both work in the same field, she should be aware of what’s going on, yet she stays reckless and ignores it. I don’t get why people are still defending her. Keep saving up to protect yourself.
MaverickWolf85 said:
ESH. If you're having money issues, both of you need to be responsible for resolving that and your wife's refusal to do that is a serious problem. However, at the end of the day, you're married. You don't get to decide you just won't help her if she runs into an issue.
Supreme____leader said:
YTA, you are married and need to view your family as a team. You should be saving for your family not yourself, finances is a common problem in marriages that you need to communicate and work through it. Each team member has different strengths and weaknesses.
Your weakness seems to be communication and viewing your marriage as an individual not a couple. Learn to Integrate your finances by working to a goal of a combined emergency fund (3-6 months salary is the norm).
Prior_Butterfly_7839 said:
ESH. This reads like it’s about more than just the money. You changed how you view money and you’re upset she hasn’t changed her views with you. Instead of coming to some sort of compromise you declare that if she doesn’t do things your way then she is on her own. Doesn’t sound like a very strong partnership to me.
StrippinChicken said:
NTA. She is selfish and not financially literate.
Randomflower90 said:
The financial-spending talk should have occurred before the wedding. YTA.
RosieVelvettt said:
NTA. Setting financial limits in an unstable market is reasonable, especially after years of trying to talk it out. What you said was harsh, yes, but the real problem is that they're out of sync with the money, and that won't be fixed by ignoring it.