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"Was I wrong to cancel my 12K IVF donation after my friend ridiculed my infertility?"

"Was I wrong to cancel my 12K IVF donation after my friend ridiculed my infertility?"


A good friend is there in the good and bad times unless they're just pretending to be good friends! On a popular Reddit thread on the Am I the A**hole Subreddit, a woman questions whether the people in her life are friends.

AITA for canceling a check of $12,000 that I wrote for my infertile friend for her next IVF cycle over a joke?

Good friends can carry you through the worst of times.

I (F35) am infertile. My ex-husband and I tried everything to have kids, but it never happened. He divorced me, went and married someone younger who was able to give him a kid, and from what I gather, they're expecting a second child together. It hurts like hell seeing someone else have what I couldn't.

I sometimes get frustrated with myself and my family, blaming myself for everything. I turn to my friends for support, Especially 'Alessia,' she's in the same 'infertility boat' as me, but she and her husband are currently trying IVF, hoping it'd work.

Dang, OP takes care of her friends.

Alessia asked me for help to pay for her upcoming IVF cycle. I agreed to write her a check for $12,000, I wanted to help her, and the money came with no strings attached. I wrote the review and gave it to her last week. She was very appreciative of it.

Alessia's true colors are shining through.

The next day, I got a sudden message from a mutual friend, 'Carol,' with a screenshot of her conversation with Alessia. It turns out she and Alessia were talking about the next IVF cycle. Alessia said she hoped the cycle would work because 'she didn't wanna end up divorced and having her husband marry someone younger and have a baby with them and another one on the way! While she's alone and without a family at 35! (She's 32).

OP is non-confrontational.

I was stunned and hurt, knowing she meant me here. But I did not confront her. I contacted my bank and canceled the check. In the evening, Alessia called to ask why I canceled the check, and I told her. She went batsh*t, saying she didn't mean it that way and thought this was somewhat an 'inside joke' between 'desperate infertile women.'

Alessia's husband is not happy.

She came over with her husband the next day, begging me to write another check, but I refused. An argument ensued, and her husband thought I wasn't being supportive of her, like when she supported me throughout my struggles. She left crying, and we hadn't talked since then. Her husband keeps reminding me (while repeatedly calling Carol, a toxic snake) of the date of the next cycle, saying they can't have it after I took the money that was supposed to pay for it back!

One joke can trump fifteen years.

Some friends think I'm being oversensitive. Carol's on my side telling me to tell them to go to hell, but I feel so bad about it. What I've done might damage our fifteen years of friendship. Maybe I shouldn't have canceled it, but I felt offended by what she said about me and how she mocked my unfortunate circumstances.

So Reddit, AITA?

Tigarana says:


It was a cruel thing to do to her. Especially after you are being so gracious towards them.

Btw, just a reminder, your worth is not connected to your ability to bear children <3

Mean_Macaroni59 says:

NTA. Let the friends calling you too sensitive open their checkbooks.

butt5000 says:

NTA - but shelling out $12k for a friend’s IVF treatment is wild. Don’t do that.

Real friends don't talk sh*t about friends who give them $12,000...I certainly would never.

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