'AITA for the way I'm trying to budget a girls' trip for graduation with my friends?'
"AITA for the way I'm trying to budget a girls' trip for graduation with my friends?"
I (F20) started a group chat today about doing a girls' graduation trip to East Asia with my friends who I've known for about three years now.
I originally added 9 other people to the group, but I expected most of them to say no or flake since most of them do that and cite money all the time. I'm aware of my privilege that my parents pay for everything and that most people's parents don't, but I still think it's not wrong to discuss a trip?
Since it's my idea, I said I would get back to them about hotels and that round-trip flights would be around $500 per person (I'll be saying the prices in USD but we don't live in America). I'd already discussed it verbally with half of the girls a month ago, but wrote that I'm serious upon the creation of the group.
I originally wanted to go to Japan b/c I'd just come back from visiting with my parents (they're both around 50) and loved it, but missed my friends and wanted to do things with them I couldn't do with my parents (themed cafes, anime stuff, etc).
One of my friends (F20) when I was verbally discussing it said that Japan was getting a new law for tourists, making it more expensive, and that we should go to Korea or China.
We looked it up, and it looked like Korea was cheaper so I wrote about travelling there with an option to travel to Japan as well b/c my uncle (M42) said Korea to Japan tickets can be less than $200. But I quickly abandoned the idea of going to Japan, bc I realized that other people may have visa restrictions that I don't have to consider. So I said let's just go to Korea.
People started leaving the group citing money and parents' restrictions, but one friend of mine I'll call Li (F24) said she wasn't coming for multiple reasons including that the timing of the trip doesn't work for her b/c she's going to Canada and affordability-wise, but said she wanted to lurk.
Li then proposed a budget of around $1500. I made a joke about staying in Hongdae (like the Tiktok meme) with a screenshot of a hotel booking there with a tone indicator saying it's a joke, which I was prepared to explain b/c I know not everyone uses them. Li responded that the booking was too expensive.
I explained, and we moved on. But then I was trying to work off of the budget looking up hotels, and I told my dad what I was doing and he laughed at me, said I'd need to at least double it, and there was no way I would go on a trip for less then $5000.
I told everyone that maybe I was wrong and a $3000 budget would be more realistic. Li said: that's insane, not feasible for most people, you're being selfish. This is only the first day in planning, and nothing is set in stone, so I'm not sure I understand where she is coming from.
This potential trip is months away as well so there is plenty of time to change the budget to accommodate. I replied after some research $1000-1,700 is the most accurate budget range I can give for all trip expenses. I also said I don't know how much people want to spend. So was I TA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
lavasca wrote:
INFO
Have you asked them if they are interested and what they can afford? Why switch to Korea before checking with them? You can stay in a hostel.
OP responded:
I asked if they're interested and put up a poll with the options of Japan, Korea, not interested, and interested but with concerns, but as a group this only happened today. Half of them already answered the last option, said "money" and then left the group without trying to talk about it.
Pleasant-Leading3877 wrote:
YTA. You can take the trip yourself since you don’t need to worry about a budget, expecting anyone to drop that much money on something that wasn’t even their idea is ridiculous.
OP responded:
I'm sorry if this is rude, but I don't expect anything of anyone. I was trying to plan something fun with my friends because I wanted to have a good time with them before we get busy with the rest of our lives after university, and don't see each other every day anymore.
Pleasant-Leading3877 responded:
And your idea of “fun” is apparently asking your friends to spend multiple thousands of dollars while mom and dad pay for you. So again, YTA.
emilymaepeck wrote:
You’re NTA just a bit unaware.
You meant well, but bringing up expensive budgets made it seem like you weren’t considering others’ finances. Next time, ask what everyone can afford first.
keepthebear wrote:
You would obviously know your friend group best, you're not an AH but just, well I wouldn't know you. When I was about 20 I did a Busabout tour around Europe, have a look at that kind of thing (they have Asian trips), you're staying in hostels and getting busses, that's what most people your age do. I don't know any 20-year-olds travelling in hotels or spending $3k on a holiday.