'AITA for telling our friends they can't move into our house?'
"AITA for telling our friends they can't move into our house?"
My husband and I received the notice that our offer was accepted! We’re super excited and started sharing the news with our close friends and family. One of our friends who is going back to school in our state said congrats. He then asked since the timing works out, can him and his wife come live with us for a year.
My immediate gut reaction was no because we haven’t even lived in the house yet and we’d immediately have to share the space with them. They also have not shared any plans of paying rent, helping with groceries, etc.
I would feel like a huge AH telling them no and having that uncomfortable confrontation, but something tells me as first time homeowners we’d be frustrated If we immediately let them move in when we haven’t settled in ourselves.
Also, I can’t help but wonder what was their plan if we didn’t get a house and still lived in our apartment…this just feels like they jumped on the opportunity of living somewhere free. Just looking for others opinions because I’m feeling pretty worked up about it.
The internet had plenty of advice to share.
Cultural_section_862 wrote:
"Oh, gosh, I'm so sorry, the place really isn't large enough for long term guests and will be in utter turmoil for a while as we settle in ourselves. It's awesome you'll be nearby! I can't wait to hang out!"
And I bet they never reach out when they relocate to make plans. That is such a gigantic ask that it feel suspicious to me.
Turmeric_ping wrote:
NTA. It's your house. You don't have to feel guilty about not wanting to share it. Just tell them: "sorry, we're really not looking for room-mates". If this impacts your friendship, so be it. Frankly, I don't think that the kind of friend who immediately sees advantage for themselves in you achieving a major milestone in your life can offer the quality of friendship you'd need to prioritize.
saffronwave wrote:
They’re essentially asking for a year of free lodging, and their lack of any mention of rent or contributions is a massive red flag. Don’t feel pressured to say yes. Politely but firmly decline. “We’re so excited for you to be back in the state, but we’re really looking forward to settling into our new home as just the two of us for a while.” You don’t owe them an explanation beyond that.
peakpenguins wrote:
"I would feel like a huge AH telling them no and having that uncomfortable confrontation." NTA, and analyze why you think you'd be the asshole for telling them that they can't come live with you. They're asking to live in your home for a year, not borrowing a cup of sugar. If they think you're an AH for that, then they are not your friends.
ReadtheRealms wrote:
Okay, so you just got your dream house, and your friends are already asking to move in for a year. That's...bold. Look, you're right to feel put off. You haven't even had a chance to paint a wall or figure out where the couch goes, and they're already planning their year-long stay.
Plus, no mention of rent? Come on. NTA for wanting your own space. They're definitely taking advantage, or at least being incredibly inconsiderate.
AnalyzedAnarchist wrote:
NTA, I let my (now ex) husband's friend move into our house 6 months after we bought it...one of the worst decisions I made in regard to the house and my relationship with my ex. I would live in the house for a year plus before letting someone move in...unless its to help YOU financially.
kitchen_picture_2983 wrote:
Going back to school is a choice: if he and his wife cannot afford rent while he goes back to school, then he can’t afford to go back to school. Just tell them no - no reason needed, but if you feel you have to give one, then make it a permanent excuse like “my husband and I need our private space."
Mindless-Effect-1745 wrote:
You have to say no. This is a special time for you and your spouse and you wish to experience it together...alone. Don't feel like an AH. They are the assholes for asking and being ok with taking this special time away from you.
jpiz27 wrote:
NTA. It's your new house and you're all excited and they wanna crash? I let a friend crash at my place when I bought it trying to be nice and regretted it--- I think a lot of people have horrible roommate stories. It's your new home, don't let being kind and avoiding confrontation ruin this awesome thing. Find a polite way to decline.
maidmarian wrote:
According to Miss Manners, you are never TA for saying NO. It is a perfectly acceptable answer. She suggests something like “I’m so terribly sorry but we just can’t.” Repeat for as many times as needed. Period. Worst thing to do after saying NO is to give your reasons why, because then pushy people will use your excuses to try to bargain with you.
And these are supremely pushy and clueless people for such a huge ask. You do not have to explain yourselves, or give reasons why, it’s not their business if you want to christen every inch of your house with loud funny horsey sex when you first move in, whatever! No means no. It’s okay to set boundaries, and it’s okay to just say no.
scalpel_dice wrote:
NTA. Say No. No is a full sentence. Don't give explanations. Moving and having a home for the first time is stressful AF -congrats on the house btw- and adding people to the mix is a horrible idea. Not only are you unpacking but any issue the home had that pops out or any changes you wanna do will have to be worked on. You do not have time to host. Say No, trust your gut!!!