'Wealthy aunt' refuses to pay for niece's 'emergency' wedding dress, 'she ruined the first one.' AITA?
"AITA for refusing to pay for my niece’s 'emergency' wedding dress after she ruined her first one?"
So, my niece, Tessa (24F), is getting married in two weeks. She’s very particular about her wedding, and we’ve all heard her talk about her “dream dress” for over a year now. It’s this big, expensive designer gown that my sister (her mom) took out a small loan to pay for.
Last weekend, Tessa threw a bridal brunch with her friends and decided it would be “fun” to wear the dress for a little photo shoot at the park. This was a terrible idea because (1) it had rained the night before, and the ground was still muddy, and (2) they brought champagne to “toast” during the shoot.
You can guess what happened. Tessa tripped while posing, fell face-first into the mud, and spilled champagne all over herself. To make it worse, her maid of honor accidentally stepped on the train while trying to help her up, ripping part of the skirt.
The dress is now completely trashed. My sister sent it to a cleaner, but they said it’s beyond repair. Tessa freaked out and started blaming her friends for “not being careful enough” around the dress. Then, she turned to me.
Why me? Because I (37F) am the “wealthy aunt.” I own a small business, and while I’m doing well, I’m not rolling in money. But Tessa and my sister think I should foot the bill for a replacement dress since “I can afford it.” Their reasoning? It’s “an emergency” and “family helps family.”
I refused. I told them I wouldn’t be rewarding Tessa for her poor decision to wear her wedding dress to a park. My sister got angry and said I was “punishing” Tessa for “making a mistake” on what’s supposed to be the happiest day of her life. Tessa has been crying to anyone who will listen about how I’m “ruining her wedding.”
Now my family is split. Some say I should just pay because weddings are stressful, and Tessa is young. Others agree that it’s not my responsibility. My husband thinks I should stand my ground, but my mom called me yesterday, begging me to “fix this for the sake of peace.” AITA for refusing to pay for the replacement dress? Or should I just suck it up to keep the family from imploding?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
AlwaysHelpful22 said:
Why on earth is it your responsibility to buy your niece an expensive wedding dress? This is absurd. How entitled must you be to demand an aunt buy you a wedding dress, and then trash her when she declines. Your family is brimming with AHs. Yikes!
atmasabr said:
Why are you even entertaining this conversation a moment longer? You made your decision already. Your personality and ethics are what they are. The matter is closed. NTA. They asked. You said NO.
FloMoJoeBlow said:
NTA, not your circus, not your monkeys. Everyone who is saying that you need to pay, should be putting their money where their mouth is. Starting with your sister and niece.
Human_Style_9148 said:
You're not responsible for her bad decisions. If she thought her "dream dress" was so sacred, she wouldn’t have taken it to a muddy park. Let her face the consequences like an adult.
Angelgirl1517 said:
NTA. But the family’s logic of your niece being too young and too irresponsible to be expected to properly care for a dress - but let’s all get on board with her getting MARRIED…is absolutely wild.
Agoraphobe961 said:
NTA. Tell every flying monkey the cost of the dress (plus rush fee and alterations) and ask how much they will be contributing.
Ravens-Mind said:
NTA. She FAFO'ed. Shut this down immediately. It won't be the last time she'll "have an emergency," and need aunt to help her out. Tell those people who want you to pay for it, that since they think thoughtless (idiocy) behavior should be rewarded, you're wanting to hear how much they'll be giving her? Stand your ground. You're good.