So my fiancée and I have been together for 2.5 years and we got engaged 2 months ago, she’s absolutely amazing and I don’t want to spend a minute away from her. She’s everything that I’ve wanted and needed.
She comes from a middle class family and both my parents come from wealthy families and we’ve had a comfortable life growing up. I’ve spent the last 12 years after junior college to become a doctor like my parents and of course my parents have quite a bit of money and property which my younger sister and I will inherit.
My mother brought up the prenup first and I thought it was fine and I would talk to my fiancée first but we had lunch 3 weeks ago at my parents' house and while we were relaxing in the den, my family lawyer walks in and pretty much just hands over the papers to my father and they start talking to her.
I stop my father and tell him that I need to talk to her by myself and this is not the right time or way to do this. My mother starts acting passive aggressive and it’s turning into an argument.
My sweet fiancée interrupts us and says she’ll sign it, she also thinks with how society is currently, my parents are just watching out for me and I was anyways going to ask her to sign one eventually.
Yes, I was but not this way. She has never shown interest in my money, she doesn’t make as much as I do, but she’s good at her job and enjoys it. When I gift her something expensive, which is usually on her birthdays, I’ve seen her act like it’s some sort of burden almost? I got her a designer bag which she has still kept in the box at the back of her closet, she only wears the jewellery when it’s a special occasion.
When it’s simple stuff, I think she a bit more overjoyed. She puts in a lot of work for my gifts and all of them are so thoughtful, I really love her. But ever since we came back from my parents place she’s been quiet, I have apologized continuously but she says there’s nothing to apologize for.
There’s still breakfast and packed lunch for me in the morning, I come home to a hot meal, and she’s usually up waiting since I come back pretty late. When we’re in bed, I tell her about my day just to have a conversation with her and if I tell her I was standing 6 hours during a surgery she’ll immediately start massaging my feet. I can’t see that beautiful glow on her face anymore.
I thought it was best if we had a talk last night, so I told her not to cook, I’d leave work early, get takeout and come home. When we were eating I started apologizing again for how things came about, how my parents were wrong to do so, and that I’ve been speaking to my mom and how I think she should apologize to her.
She starts tearing up and asks me if she’s ever made me feel like she’s wanted me only for my money, I tell her absolutely not, I know she loves me with the way she cares and treats me. I told her nothing would happen to us, we’re meant for each other, I’m nothing without her and the prenup is just a piece of paper.
She still looked sad and asked if we could have a long engagement, we were to get married in Feb ’24 but she wants to push for another year or year and a half. I want to marry her right now and I don’t know what to do to make things better.
OP. Logically you and your parents are protecting money / assets but you literally broke your fiancées spirit. You need to set boundaries for your parents and their treatment of your fiancé. You also need to make sure you are defending her from their passive aggressive comments.
She’s taking care of you but are you taking care of her? Would it be terrible for her to have a safety net after you’re married? You are going to have a prenup but can she afford her own lawyer to make sure SHE is protected in the prenup? Just some thoughts….
Just so you know, from a legal perspective, that prenup probably isn’t worth the paper its written on. For it to stand up in court she will have had to have consulted a lawyer of her own. She could easily show that she had been coerced into signing it. If you love her, and it sounds like you do, rip it up and start a new one - and make sure that she gets to see a lawyer of her own to go over it from her perspective.
I'm worried that fiance signed a contract without having her own legal advisor looking at it. She's not in any way protected. You are an utter TA for not stopping or pausing the proceeding. She got ambushed. If she didn't sign, your parents would have called her a gold digger. Poor girl was practically bullied into signing.
Yeah, I'm getting why she is quiet now. That's a heck of sledgehammer blow to your relationship. I'm wondering whether it can recover. How comfortable do you think she's going to feel going to your parents home knowing they think she's after their/your money.
Good luck getting a foot rub, unless you are paying for it at a professional place. Why did you not stop your parents? Why did you not stand up for her? It was your parents, the family lawyer and you against her. Do you really think four against one was fair?
You either work damn hard to fix this or be kind and let her go find someone who will love her and have her back, and yes, even with his parents. What other decisions will your parents push onto your fiancee? Don't waste her time!!!
She's probably rethinking if she wants to marry a mummy's boy who lets his parents rule his relationship with his wife. And who can blame her. Demand the prenup off your parents, tear it up, and tell her that you'll address it again later, this time with her own lawyer involved (at your expense). Or just do what your parents tell you for the rest of your life, whatever.
Stand up for your future Wife. Your Parents have to stay out of your Family. She will be your family. Prenups are not a bad Idea, BUT both parties have to come to an agreement and it can't only benefit one side.
YTA because you have to get your Parents under controll and consult a layer for both you and your future wife to figure something out that doesnt make your future wife look like a stranger in the family.
I hope part of your inheritance is a spine. I imagine part of the reasoning of a longer engagement is to see how much of a mummies boy you are and whether or not you will put your fiance/wife first at any point. You are nothing without her? I get the feeling you better get used to being nothing Course YTA.