Wealthy sister organizes 'surprise' luxury trip for parents, 'I REFUSE to contribute.' AITA?

"AITA for refusing to contribute to a 'surprise' luxury vacation for my parents, organized by my wealthy sibling?"

My (33F) older sister, "Karen" (40F), is very financially successful. I'm doing okay, I'm a teacher, comfortable but not wealthy by any means. Our parents' 40th wedding anniversary is coming up.

Last week, Karen announced to me and our other brother, "Tom" (36M, also comfortably middle class), that she's planning a surprise luxury cruise for them to celebrate. She then said she'd "generously" cover half, and Tom and I could split the other half. My share would be around $3,000.

I was shocked. That's a huge amount of money for me, especially with no warning. I told Karen that while it's a lovely idea, I simply can't afford to contribute that much right now. I suggested we could all chip in for a nice dinner, a weekend getaway closer to home, or I could contribute a smaller amount towards her bigger plan.

Karen got really offended. She said I was being "cheap" and "unappreciative" of everything our parents have done for us. She said it's "embarrassing" that I wouldn't want to give them the best. She also implied that if I "managed my money better" (like her), I could afford it. Tom is siding with her, saying I should "find a way" because "it's for Mom and Dad."

I feel guilty, but also resentful. It feels like she decided on this extravagant gift without consulting us and then just expected us to cough up thousands. I love my parents and want to celebrate them, but this feels out of reach and unfair. AITA for refusing to pay for a share of a luxury vacation I can't realistically afford, even if it's for my parents' anniversary?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Cheap_Application295 said:

NTA. Your money. Your choice. She’s flaunting her wealth in your face and basically establishing herself as the dominant sibling because she has more money and is utilizing this to show your parents how much better she is then you.

lapsteelguitar said:

Your sister is spending your money, without your permission. No. That's all you need to say: No. Let the chips fall where they may. NTA.

administrativenothin said:

NTA. If your parents are anything like mine, they would be upset to know that you spent that kind of money on them knowing you couldn’t afford it. And your siblings are assholes for trying to guilt you into it. When my sibs and I do a group gift for my parents, it is usually my idea. I tell them what I’m doing and to contribute what they can. I cover the rest.

Sharp_Emergency_3004 said:

NTA. I think if you have a good relationship with your parents, consider stretching a bit to do something nice. For you that might be $500 or $1500 or $5. In my family I am the wealthy sibling and I just cover 100% of everything, ESPECIALLY if I come up with the idea.

Coming up with ideas like a super luxury cruise is something someone with money does. If you had been coming up with the idea, or if your sister had less money, then you might do something less expensive but just as (or more) meaningful.

I know for my mother, I bought her a very expensive birthday gift one year, but my sister threw her an amazing party on almost no budget. My mother 100% remembers that party more than anything, and for good reason.

RandiLynn1982 said:

NTA: what she is doing isn’t fair. 1 she didn’t talk to you about it. 2 she doesn’t understand that as a teacher our pay is low.

ScholarSista said:

NTA. It's unfair to spring an expense like that on someone without consulting them first. Love isn't measured in dollars, it's measured in actions.