Wealthy woman transfers assets to bio daughter, refuses to split with step children. AITA?
"AITAH for transferring my assets to my daughter before my marriage?"
I (F28) had my daughter (F9) while still in college. I am ashamed to admit I dont know who the dad is. It was a drunken party mishap. My parents disowned me and sympathizing with my plight, my grandpa took me in. He had a bad relationship with my dad. Grandpa died two years ago leaving me his entire estate. He was kind of rich.
I started dating my fiance Max (M35) around 4 years back. He has two kids (F6, M10) he has full time custody of as well. Their mom married someone else and moved across the country. She pays child support but makes no effort to contact them or visit them.
We have lived together for over a year now and everyone gets along pretty well. We stay at the house my grandfather left me and split all bills and expenses 50:50, but keep rest of the finances separate. He popped the question 2 months ago and I said yes.
Few weeks ago we had a minor fight. My daughter's birthday is coming up and I wanted to gift her a pony. She has been learning to ride for a few years now and really wants one.
When I mentioned this to Max, in a passing conversation, he got mad at me for wasting our money on stupid gifts like this. I told him I am not taking anything out of our budget and just buying it out of my money.
He said then I should buy his kids ponies too to make it fair. I said sure, let's split the expense. He told me I should buy it myself since I am rich, and it is my decision to buy my daughter a pony in the first place. That he is trying to make it equal for all kids in the household and don't have money to waste like this.
I got his point. But I also felt that he would want me to make everything equal with his kids too. I get they will be my kids too and I should not treat them different.
But I also felt like my daughter should not have to split her generational wealth. Its not mine, its my grandpa's. And he loved her. He left it to me believing I would pass it on to her.
So I made a trust fund transferring 50% of assets I inherited into that. It has rules regarding reasons I can make withdrawal out of, like education and separate living allowance based on age, money for marriage, for house and entire balance made available at 30.
I set up another trust fund for myself putting 30% assets into it with yearly allowance and then to dissolve after 50 (hoping to retire then). Balance 20% is mostly the house, land and emergency funds.
I did it so whatever income I earn, I will be able to make it equally split within kids. But inheritance will stay intact for my or my daughter's future without having to be split or used for my step kids.
My fiance found out about this a couple of days ago. Saw some related papers in my drawer. He was really mad at me for cutting him and his kids out. He said if I was marrying him, we would be sharing all assets and finances.
That it's not fair for me to keep 90% of my wealth just to myself and my kid when he is sharing all of his with us. I said I was sharing everything I make too, just the inheritance is kept aside. He is not bringing any inheritance into the union either.
He said thats because he has none and its incredibly selfish of me to not share. To lock it away. That with this, my daughter will have a luxurious life while his kids have average life only since there is no way we can afford all that for them with our income only.
I said generational wealth is separate and it should go to bio family. He called me a AH for discriminating and depriving his kids of a equally good life. AITAH?
Here's what the top commenters had to say about this one:
Alarming_Paper_8357 said:
NTA - smart move, and easier than a prenup agreement -- which I suspect he would have resisted signing. I guess the question is: Is he marrying you? Or your money? Right now, he's got a pretty sweet deal -- he doesn't pay rent for himself and his two kids, and has a self-sufficient girlfriend who doesn't need him to pay for anything. He is so jealous he can't see straight. Think about this one long and hard.
Kmia55 said:
You do realize because of his attitude you’ve already protected your child’s assets once he brought up marriage. You did this IMO because you know his intentions aren’t honorable. NTA, but follow your instincts.
Hitchhiker2Galaxy said:
NTA but consider not marrying this person if he can’t accept your decision. He might have wanted to marry your for your money if he is so bothered by this.
Savings_Summer2608 said:
NTA- he’s giving gold digger vibes. I’d 100% get a prenup at this point. It’s one thing to have an adult conversation about finances. It’s another to stop your foot and throw a tantrum about it.
OldKindheartedness73 said:
Nta, but he truly seems like a gold digger. Ask for a prenup. Make it iron clad. If he refuses to sign it, refuse to marry him. Also, make sure you control the bc.
facinationstreet said:
He said if I was marrying him, we would be sharing all assets and finances. As you know, inheritance is not a shared asset nor is he entitled to any of it, even if you divorce, unless YOU co-mingle those assets in a household account.
NTA and I would give him back the ring, give him time to find somewhere to move, ensure ALL of your personal financial paperwork is no where he can access it, ensure he has no access to your bank accounts (obviously he doesn't have access to the trusts) and move on.
slappy_da_squirrel3 said:
NTA but is he marrying you or your money. I'm not saying completely end the relationship but there should definitely be more conversations had, couples counseling, and an iron clad pre-nup before you jump the broom.
cryssylee90 said:
NTA. He’s not marrying you because he loves you. He’s marrying you because you have money and he feels entitled to it.