'AITA for continue to wear makeup and dress in my normal style around a friend who thinks her husband has a crush on me?' UPDATED 2X
"AITA for continue to wear makeup and dress in my normal style around a friend who thinks her husband has a crush on me?"
(Author requested to remain anonymous)
My (29f) friend (31f) has told me that her husband (35m) has a crush on me and has recently told her that he fantasises over me. This already makes me feel very awkward but now she has asked if I can stop wearing makeup and wear baggy clothes around him.
We went out for dinner last night at a reasonably expensive restaurant with a few others (7 of us in total) and she text me when I got home saying she was angry at me for ‘looking hot’ after she asked me to not wear makeup.
She’s my friend and I want to do the right thing but there’s nothing I could wear that is baggy that would have suited the restaurant we were in (Michelin star). My style is very conservative and I was wearing a very average dress with heels.
I’ve written out several responses ranging from an apology to being quite rude but wanted to sense check my thoughts here before I go back to her. I don’t want to make life difficult for her but what she’s asking for feels unreasonable. AITA?
***While I was reading your responses, he just liked an old Instagram pic from way back (bikini pic!). He is now blocked.***
The OP then provided an update sharing their decision.
I responded with the following: “Sorry it’s taken me a while to reply but I wanted to consider this properly and not react emotively. I’m sorry you feel that way but I don’t think it’s fair or reasonable to ask me to change how I look because of your husband.
My advice is to speak to (husband’s name) and work on your relationship because projecting your issues onto me isn’t going to help you, but it will damage our friendship.
You have nothing to be insecure about; you’re the most beautiful person inside and out I’ve ever met. I’m here for you if you want to talk through it but ultimately I can’t help it if I’m smoking hot (just kidding). Xxx”.
5 mins after I pressed send she knocked on my door (she was already on her way) with a bunch of flowers and cried and gave me hug while apologising. She told me they were having problems and it was wrong of her to take it out on me. We had a long chat and I’m going to be there to support my friend. Thank you all for your input; you all helped so much!!
ADDITIONAL INFO: I’ve had a lot of people message me asking if they can post my story elsewhere and a couple of reporters etc. I really don’t want to exploit my friend’s marriage so I don’t mind if you use it but please keep me anonymous. Also, WTF?! I can’t believe so many people care or have an opinion about my boring issue. X
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
CoverCharacter8179
Not sure why this is marked NSFW? Anyway, total NTA. For one thing, I don't think it's possible to dress appropriately for a nice restaurant without looking "hot" to someone who already finds you attractive.
And more generally, as long as you're not hitting on the husband, or intentionally dressing provocatively to catch his attention (which it sounds like you're not), then this is a her problem, not a you problem.
Here's another point: why on earth did she tell you that her husband has the hots for you? Completely inappropriate, this is something to be handled within the marriage.
suziewoozie420 (OP)
Thank you for your response. Added the NSFW because of the fantasy bit but then chose not to elaborate on that part so I’ve removed it now. I’m not sure why she told me either, the first time she said it was ‘cute’ that he had a crush on me then she started getting a bit more detailed about it.
dryadduinath
NTA. If she thinks it’s okay to ask a friend to wear baggy clothing to dinner out with a group, she should feel more than comfortable telling her husband not to look. In fact, with her absolute audacity she could tell him to wear a blindfold.
It feels unreasonable because it is. Even telling you about this was gross, asking you to manage it for her, at your own expence, is worse. In fact, how about she leave her man at home, since apparently he can’t stop himself from being creepy about her friends. (Or she’s the one being creepy, either way it’s not yours to manage.)
StAlvis
NTA. If you're friend's so concerned, she's free to dress better than you. But this is ultimately a her-problem, and very much not a you-problem.
Dazzler3623
Her husband is an AH for telling her he has the hots for you. She's an AH for then telling you, and expecting you to completely change how you look around her husband. You're absolutely NTA for any part of this.
MoistAd9820
I went through this and it was horrible. She felt her bf was looking at me or attracted and when I took off my hoodie bc it was HOT and I was wearing a normal tank top. She stormed out of the room and wouldn’t talk to me about it until the next day when she took me to the airport and he explained it. She never apologized and she took me off social media. Weirdest shit. Friends for 10 years before that. 🙄
wheniswhy
Love that the friend was already on her way to apologize. With flowers! She knew she messed up, probably in a moment of emotion. Sounds like she has a husband problem.
Bit of a boring update, but that’s how you know it’s real. Hope their friendship stays strong and the friend and the nasty husband either get counseling or call it quits. Gross that he’s creeping on his wife’s friend’s ancient bikini pics.