'AITA for saying I would wear my mom's wedding dress under one condition?' + PICTURES AND UPDATE
"AITA for saying I would wear my mom's wedding dress under one condition?"
80sWeddingDressTA
So this came up during dinner the other night, and I am wondering if what I had requested makes me come across as an AH. My mom thinks so (or at least like a bridezilla).
When my parents got married back in the 80s, my mom wore a big, poofy white gown that was in style at the time. It's like Princess Diana's dress, but with more lace and frills. After the wedding, she had it packed up with the intention of saving it for any future daughters to use (i.e. Me).
It's 2019. We're talking about weddings at the dinner table (boyfriend has been hinting at it for a while now), when my mom says that when the time comes, she would love to see me wear her old dress.
I understand why she would want to see me in it, but I'm not keen on the idea. One of the reasons is because it's just not my taste, and the other is because when you look at the dress, you know it came from the 80s.
It is what you imagine the quintessential 80s wedding dress would look like, minus the teased hairstyle and frosted lipstick. It would look anachronistic in a setting with more modern fashions and wedding styles, as if the bride accidentally walked into a time slip and came out of it into 2019.
Here's how things went:
Me: Sure, I'll wear it.
Mom: Great!
Me: But on one condition... that the bridal party and the groomsmen wear clothes based on 80s wedding fashion, with an 80s themed wedding reception to follow.
I'm a history teacher who loves doing research into different time periods and eras, so researching wedding trends, music, tech, and fashion from the 1980s and then recreating it would be fun.
And I'm not so worried about my boyfriend and friends being opposed to the idea because they know how much I love history and historical reenactment (not to mention some of them partake it in themselves... one used to work at Williamsburg and boyfriend is a Civil War reenactor).
My mom wasn't big on the idea. She thinks that the idea of an 80's themed wedding is stupid and that I sound like a bridezilla for suggesting that the wedding party go through with the idea.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's inital post:
RockFourFour
NTA. I think that’s amazing. Especially if you have a 16 candles-ish first dance. 😂
80sWeddingDressTA (OP)
I was thinking 'Dirty Dancing'... I love that movie!
twopinkgiraffes
NTA It’s your day! You do you! Another option is to take it to a talented seamstress to de-puff the sleeves, take the bow off the ass (I’m guessing) and see what else can be done to bring the dress into this century. If that’s possible.
whathappenedwas
NTA that's very kind of you to find a way to compromise. Your mom is TA for making this about her dream of seeing the dress worn by a daughter, but the thing is, you're offering that to her! I don't see why this period-costume context is problematic either. I would hate to wear my mom's dress for that reason. Not my style. I would not be as generous as you are being.
proheath
NTA. Mom needs to gtfo with that 1980's dress. I'm an AH. My wife is an AH. If you wore her old dress for your wedding and we were in attendance, we absolutely would be cracking jokes to each other throughout the whole ceremony. Unless of course it was a whole theme. Then it magically becomes the dopest dress ever!
One month later, the OP returned with an update.
80sWeddingDressTA
Hey guys, it's that 80's Bride with an update for you. Before we begin, let me just say that is crazy how my first post blew up. I never expected this response. Thank you guys so much for weighing in with your opinions. A lot has happened since I made that post nearly a month ago. To begin with:
No, my BF still hasn't proposed. But that's okay. I know it's going to happen. Some of my friends figured out it was me behind that post. When I mentioned the kerfuffle with my mom, one of them said, "you wouldn't happen to be the one with that one AITA post, would you...?"
While we aren't engaged yet, BF and I did talk about what we want our wedding to look like. While we have a couple of ideas in mind, he was onboard with the 80s wedding idea and joked that if I was to wear my mom's dress, then he wanted to find a replica of his dad's tuxedo and grow his hair out into a mullet and 'stache.
Guys, he is a keeper if ever there was one. But seriously, 80s wedding is now in our top five list of wedding ideas. And when we brought up the idea with the people we want in our wedding party, they were all enthusiastic for the idea. So it looks like out That 80's Wedding might be a reality now. :)
That leads me to my Mom. I sat her down and we got to her dress. And some of you were right... she thought that I would just be using her dress as a prop in a tacky theme wedding, instead of treating it as her treasured possession that it is.
We did get to talking about we could pull it off. I brought over some bridal magazines and pointed out how the dress would look next to the more modern bridesmaids.
I actually did start doing my own research and made a pinterest board to show her how I envisioned this new 80's wedding would look like, and not going to lie, she was pretty impressed with the amount of research I did into a time period she lived through.
The "bridezilla comment" came from the fact she thought I was going to dictate what everyone was going to wear... turns out she was referring to a few more infamous cases including the bride who wanted orange suede, Louboutins, and soda hats at her beach wedding. Again, I had to tell her I already ran that idea with the prospective bridesmaids already and they all loved the idea.
The most important update:
I actually tried on the dress while over at my parents for Thanksgiving. It actually fits... it's a bit tight in the belly but nothing that cutting out booze and burgers for a couple of weeks can't fix. I looked a little overdone in it, but I loved it.
There is no way I am going to want to turn it into a new dress now. I want to preserve it, but this is coming from the diehard history buff. While I may go dress shopping as well, this dress is a solid contender to be my future wedding dress.
The OP later added:
80sWeddingDressTA
Stupid me forgot to take pics! GODDANGIT! I am really sorry guys.
This was the closest I could find to something that looked like my mom's dress.
For starters, her puff sleeves and skirt were more poofy and the latter would definitely be because it looks like she had on a petticoat underneath that day. But here is the closest I could find to the overall dress.
The hem of her skit had some kind of frilly detail as well. And here is approximately what the back most resembles. The butt bow is a bit smaller than the OG, but the skirt and train has a similar trim. Again, I'm really sorry guys. Kids, take note, always have photographic evidence because you never know when you're going to need it.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's update:
amp35160
I just wanted to comment and say that if you decide against wearing her dress, you can book a Bridal photo session with your photographer and wear her dress for some of the pics. I had a bride wear her mother's dress in her Second Day session with me and she surprised her mother with a canvas wrap of one of the shots.... her mother adored it!
LadyNorbert
Oh my gosh, it's Barbara's wedding dress from Beetlejuice! The one they use for the exorcism!
fleatsd
I love the spirit that OP is bringing to this- playing the idea and theme straight but in a way that has so much fun to it! She's being respectful of the dress, and also really personalizing the idea to her and her fiance's likes and hobbies. I hope they have an awesome wedding and an awesome time planning it out.