'AITA for wearing a skirt that makes my BF feel uncomfortable?' UPDATED 2X

"AITA for wearing a skirt that makes my bf feel uncomfortable?"

So, I've 22F got this nice thick pipy knee long skirt I like to wear when I can outside of work. The only downside of the skirt is that when I completely bend over you can see a bit of underwear.

We were going for a walk and I wore the skirt. At the point of leaving bf 24M says "I don't want you to wear that skirt, it makes me uncomfortable. Change pls." I asked him why I can't wear it and how does it make you uncomfortable? He got mad I asked and told me it just does. Then he said we're not going unless you change...

I felt bad but I changed into jeans. He had a comment about the jeans as well. (Every time he sees chloe from the show Lucifer in her Jeans he cringes because it makes him feel uncomfortable because it is so tight) this was my 1 day off this week so I really wanted to do things together as he always says we don't get much time because of work.

I had a fight about it with him that it came across as controlling for me. He told me I didn't validate his feeling and that I could've been a good partner and think "hmm this might make him feel uncomfortable, I'll just change for him" as a gesture and that I was selfish for not considering his feelings. AITA for wanting to wear my skirt even though it makes my bf uncomfortable?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

twirlingpink said:

NTA. He's being controlling and gaslighting you. Big red flags.

JuicyPluot said:

NTA. Wear what you want & don’t feel guilty for it. Don’t let him dictate your wardrobe. That’s classic controlling behavior.

Sam4891 said:

NTA. You changed into jeans, and he still had an issue. Your skirt wasn’t even a mini skirt. What are the odds you’ll bend over that much and is it the end of the world if someone sees half an inch of your underwear for a third of a second?

Even if it had been a mini skirt, you’d be 100% right and he would have no right to tell you to change. But I’d believe in that case it might be coming from a place of immature jealousy and sexism.

But in this case, I think he is mad in general that you don’t do what he says without question. He just wants to control you and thinks getting you to do little things will make you more compliant.

rikerismycopilot said:

NTA because he sounds way too controlling over your wardrobe choices. Jeans make him uncomfortable? They're JEANS. But I'm curious, what kind of clothes does he want you to wear? Because if you can't wear a skirt and you can't wear jeans, you're left with what? Dockers and maxi skirts? There's nothing wrong with either unless it's not your style.

A week later, she shared this first update:

This was last weekend and a few other things happened that day too. I broke up with him. He came to me in the night crying (he never cries) and told me he was sorry and he acted out of insecurity and appreciates I changed for him. He suggested couples counselling. He made an appointment for Friday.

Apart from the relationship stuff it was more me asking myself if I didn't validate his feelings. I was a bit like you can talk about how you feel and Express, but not act on it! I also had a bit of a it's not my problem attitude, that's why I'm asking

Then, two months later, she shared a second update:

So.. It's been +2 months and I figured some of you might want to see an update on the whole situation. First of all, a big thank you to all those people that gave me advise and were the lovely judging people of the internet. Without a doubt that AITA made a difference for me, so thank you.

Long story short : we broke up, I moved out and am so happy now. I know it's normal to read and it will always go this way but ignorant me always read these posts thinking nah that ain't gonna be me. Here we are single and all and never felt better.

Now the longer version :

After the skirt thing he made a few other comments and I had it. I broke up with him at the end of May With no idea what to do next (just emigrated to this country) while living together.

We went to therapy where he got told in his face that he was an abusive and controlling a$$hole and if he truly didnt see any of that he can be diagnosed since they thought it might be autism or high functioning aspergers.

It was bad. I cried a lot during therapy and tried to open up to her about the situations and not knowing to go on because he didnt mean it, right? When she was out of the room he called me a crybaby (again as a joke) Later that night he also told me he knew about all of my posts and that he could see etc everything. So most likely also this one. (Yeey)

After the second sessions where they told me (2 individual therapists) he will not change and I do not want to sign up for a life like this with kids etc. They see it so much and if I had a way of preventing this future I should for my emotional wellbeing.

I moved out 1.5 month ago on my own, made some new friends and started looking for new jobs. He tried to contact me several times and we did talk sometimes. It would always go that he told me he had changed and can see it now but my love was long gone. I told him I didn't love him anymore but he kept pushing until I blocked him.

He told me he was having panick attacks, was suicidal and what not. He needed someone to talk to, but that someone wasn't me. Just having normal people around me while I'm wearing my skirt and doing my things without negativity is just a big breath of fresh air. It's so relieving I can't tell you how much I feel like myself again and most of all, not crazy!

I'm doing hobbies, sports, therapy and what not but I'm happy. On the few moments this month I did feel lonely did I sometimes text him back but ended that completely too and just re read all of my situation with him (32) within a year and a bit.

Apparently he also cheated on me with his ex telling her that he wanted to marry her instead of me, her ass was way better than mine (I had to work out more to earn a compliment according to him) So that was that. No more Mr I'm sorry I didn't mean it that way.

Thanks for anyone reading this. If you are in a situation with a partner and you doubt yourself or question yourself all the time by things he says or does please listen to that gut feeling because you aren't wrong or a bad person for thinking it and it tells you more than enough. In the end I was NTA. Thanks everyone for your input and opinions.