'AITA for wearing a ring on my left ring finger because my partner’s ex won’t stop wearing hers?'

"AITA for wearing a ring on my left ring finger because my partner’s ex won’t stop wearing hers?"

My partner and I have been together for 4 years now. He let me know when I met his ex for the first time that she is obsessed with the wedding ring set he got her and she will not stop wearing it. This was over 3 years ago. She still wears it religiously. Which I get, I love my last wedding ring as well but out of respect for my partner and my ex’s partner I don’t wear it.

I realize that’s a personal preference and that doesn’t make it for everyone. However, she also refuses to divorce him. We were both separated when we met and we made eachother aware of our marital statuses. He’s been actively trying to divorce her for 2 years now and for whatever reason she just will not let him finalized it.

They’ve signed everything, agreed to everything, she just will not do the court ordered parenting class so that everything can be wrapped up. The court won’t schedule a hearing to finalize the divorce until she’s done with everything, the court also isn’t forcing her to finish it for whatever reason. Anyway, my partner got me a promise ring for my last birthday.

I don’t see my partners ex much, at first I didn’t wear it because I didn’t want to draw any attention. But, I’ve been wearing it religiously recently and his ex just saw it. Needless to say, it’s causing issues. She noticed it and did not say anything directly to me but she did argue with my partner about it. She said me wearing a ring is giving their child the “wrong impression.”

As if her wearing a ring isn’t doing the same. My partner has told her that it’s honestly none of her business and has asked her to stay in her lane, but it’s been an ongoing issue with them for a few weeks. Coincidently at the same time she’s now deciding that maybe she wants to retract their parenting plan and start the process over. AITA?

Not long after posting, OP shared a clarifying edit.

Edit for some elaboration. I understand a lot of people have their opinions about being married and moving on which you’re all entitled to. However you may feel about it, we have blended our families and have an entire life together. We have a house, cars, and our kids refer to eachother as siblings and have for a few years now.

My partner refers to his ex as his ex, so that’s what I’m referring to her as. His ex who we can just call Emily also refers to my partner (who we can refer to as Jason) as her ex. What makes me upset about the ring situation is that from what I understand from some of her friends and family that have actually brought this up, is that she makes it a point to wear it around my partner and me.

It also bothers me that she is making this about their child which it absolutely is not. Their child went through divorce counseling like 5 years ago before I even met my partner, because Jason and Emily separated about 6 years ago and they had discussed divorcing for a time before that.

Jason and Emily’s child started calling me his bonus mom on his own accord a few years ago, and also refers to my children as his siblings. I referred to the promise ring as a promise ring because I’m mot sure what to call it.

Jason’s family (I’m not sure if it’s cultural, but it’s at the very least his immediate and extended family) wear rings if they have long term partners regardless if they are married or not. Jason refers to me as his wife, all of our friends and coworkers think we are married and the only people who quite honestly don’t know the situation is you, internet.

I don’t lose sleep over this situation, I’m not obsessed with his ex, but it does absolutely bother me that Emily is coming across as trying to bother me because I truly cannot understand why she would. Our kids are completely fine, they aren’t in a bad environment, and their child is not negatively impacted which is why this bothers me on how this is being spun on her end.

I’m truly not trying to be an AH, I’m just in a hard place and I’m not sure what to do but I’m not trying to make Jason’s life harder. There are lawyers involved however nothing can be done until the parenting plan is completed and that’s per the state we live in. I didn’t know it was a thing either, but I did read the email the court sent and it was legitimate.

Also, Jason is 100% not involved with her romantically. We share locations, I have complete access to his phone, and this is the first relationship I’ve felt secure in. I don’t normally say someone isn’t the type to cheat, but he genuinely does not believe in cheating nor am I worried about him participating in that with her.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

ExhaustedMommaB wrote:

If you're already bothered by the ex's behavior, just leave now.

Aside from the absurdity of a still married man giving his girlfriend a promise ring (or even an engagement ring if that's what you're trying to say), stop looking at your bf's ex's ring finger.

nothtatcousingreg wrote:

My ex wouldnt divorce his ex either. "For tax reasons." They truly hated each other so i didnt think anything of it. When we broke up (4 years later) he visciously admitted he never divorced her because he was never going to marry me. So theres way more to tjis than you think, OP. hed get a divorce if he wanted one.

Thistime232 wrote:

"We were both separated when we met and we made eachother aware of our marital statuses. He’s been actively trying to divorce her for 2 years now and for whatever reason she just will not let him finalized it."

"They’ve signed everything, agreed to everything, she just will not do the court ordered parenting class so that everything can be wrapped up. The court won’t schedule a hearing to finalize the divorce until she’s done with everything, the court also isn’t forcing her to finish it for whatever reason."

Something about this just isn't adding up. Are there lawyers involved? Because its hard to imagine one person could just stop a divorce from proceeding. I don't know the intricacies of divorce law, so is there someone out there that can help determine if this is how things can actually happen or not?

Fantastic_List2039 wrote:

The post kinda reeks of blaming the woman. My mom has been with her bf for 22 years and still wears her engagement ring from my father (on her left hand). She just loves it, no other reason. I can't argue that I wouldn't also feel a certain way if i were in your position but the baggage that comes with dating someone who

A. Hasnt finalized their divorce and B. has children with their unofficial ex. The "rules" are different than dating a single unattached partner. And it seems like youre projecting your values onto her and making a judgement call on her behavior based on something that has nothing to do with her.

Stop blaming the ex. The ex is not the problem. Its incredibly convenient for your bf that you feel this way. You're looking in a direction that masks what actually needs consideration. Not taking parenting classes doesn't stop filing, my mom was also a divorce attorney. Your story is 1 of thousands.

Talk. To. Your. Man. And don't tell me you didn't start wearing the "promise ring" (what, are we 13 years old?) in response to the ex wearing her wedding rings- and don't tell me bf didn't get you a ring in response to your feelings.

Girl, you're playing yourself. ESH

EDIT: I just read your post/comment history, BREAK UP ALREADY