'AITA for wearing white to my cousin's wedding when it was in the dress code?' UPDATED

"AITAH for wearing white to my cousin's wedding when it was on the dress code?"

I've been listening to this podcast for a while and this seemed like the best place to talk about this, please help a girl out. A little background, I got invited to my cousin's wedding a few months ago. My cousin and I were super close when we were younger but drifted apart as time went by.

However, since we are family, I still snagged an invite to her beach wedding in the Hamptons. My cousin was marrying a rich man who had generational wealth and hung around the "snobby" crowd. I never really met her friends/bridesmaids, but they were very lively on all social media.

Here's where the problems started... As I mentioned this was a beach wedding and the invitation gave us a Pinterest board so we could feel the "vibe". The invitation clearly stated the attire was "Whites, blues, and natural hues".

I glanced at the Pinterest board and as you could expect, a very beachy Hamptons wedding. I was looking for dresses online and found a beautiful, beachy, flowy white chiffon maxi dress. I decided to treat myself and buy the dress ($120) because I thought it looked great on me, fit the theme, and I could re-wear.

It's the day of the wedding and I show up with my family who stuck with blue (they didn't go to buy a new outfit). Once we show up to the ceremony, we are the last few and sit in the back of the pews.

The ceremony was beautiful and all the guests went to an outdoor cocktail hour and mingled. This is when I notice I'm the only one wearing white. There were a few people wearing white backgrounds with florals, but I was the only all-white. I felt self-conscious the entire night and felt like everyone was looking at me weirdly.

And then... the bridesmaids came up to me. Her maid of honor was telling me how it was disrespectful I wore all white and to "read the room". I told her I "read the invite" and clearly stated that the theme was "whites, blues, and natural hues."

Apparently I should have known to not wear all white since it's a wedding. Even after the wedding, I saw an insta story from the bridesmaid dissing me for taking a mirror selfie saying "Every wedding has that one guest haha". bruh.

So please help me out, was it so obvious that I shouldn't have worn all white? The bride hasn't talked to me about it yet, should I apologize to her? AITA for wearing white to a wedding when it was on the dress code?

[The dress in question: dress.]

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

fulcrum_ct-7567 said:

Girl, the website suggests a veil to complete the look. This seems to be more like a simple wedding dress vs. a guest dress. Yes you messed up, just apologize and learn from this.

Famous-Upstairs998 said:

From the dress website: "Ready to ride off into the sunset

"Gliding down the aisle is effortless in this chiffon dress with tying straps that rest above the square neckline and figure-fitting bodice. The full A-line skirt sways with every step you take as a thigh-high side slit lends effortless movement along the sweeping maxi hem. Hidden back zipper/clasp."

GLIDING DOWN THE AISLE!!! You bought a freaking wedding dress to wear to a wedding. The website even suggests a veil to go with the dress. come on. I hope this is rage bait cause no one is that dumb.

pigandpom said:

You wore a long, flowy, chiffon dress, and all white dress, not white background to florals, but solid white. What on earth made you think solid white was ever OK to wear. Apologize to your cousin.

MerlinSmurf said:

White. Long. Chiffon. Flowy. Every thing about it screams bridal gown. Common sense should have told you this. Did you bother getting your family's or friend's opinions? YTA.

And notbetterthanthat said:

It sounds like it was a confusing invite, but I think the bride and co assumed that most people understood not to wear all white. But, that could have been made explicit so as not to confuse when naming “whites” as an acceptable color.

Still, a maxi all white dress is a bold choice. I wouldn’t have gone that route - I would have probably gone blues or a pattern with blues / neutrals and maybe a hint of white mixed in. It’s probably hard for people to believe that you didn’t know your dress choice isn’t considered okay for a wedding.

She later shared this edit to her original post:

Ok wow a lot of responses I feel like the @$$hole. I’m going to comment this edit to answer a few questions I’m seeing. I cant find the original board because I threw the invite away… (I don’t like putting them on my fridge. sue me) but I swear i remember seeing at least one full white dress on the board.

I will admit, most were blue or beige. I honestly didn’t think to check in with family since it clearly said white on the invite. I’ll admit, I should have triple checked, I just thought it was some new trend how like how sometimes couples have guests wear all black or bridesmaids wear all white.

Two days later, she shared this update:

Wow I got a lot more responses than I thought, and I want to thank everyone for responding. I saw mixed reviews but mostly people saying I am the asshole. I truly thought it was okay to wear white to a wedding when it was in the dress code. To answer more questions: this is my second wedding ever (I was 8 the first time).

I wish my parents would have said something but maybe we were on the same page. I didn’t read the description of the dress. I didn’t think a cheap ish dress from lulus was bridal.

I ended up texting my cousin (the bride) because I want to let her know there was no bad intention at all. I let her know why I wore white and apologized for not understanding the dress code better. She told me she can understand how the code was misleading but she didn’t think anyone would take it literal. Oops.

Luckily she said she didn’t really notice until her bridesmaids made a big deal of it to her since I still kinda blended in. I really feel bad and like an @$$hole, I guess I’m just a little clueless. I told my cousin she’s more than welcome to wear white as revenge if she wants lol. Should I wear THE WHITE DRESS to my future wedding? I most likely won’t make any more updates and will try to fight the embarrassment. Thank you.