Bride bars dad's fiancée from wedding, says he is cheating on his deceased wife. AITA?
"AITAH for not attending my daughter's wedding because she will not allow me to bring my fiancee?"
Proof-Factor-5398
Please forgive me if I'm not doing this properly. I do not understand this website.
My son is trying to help me and he said that I need to hear unbiased opinions. He said to post here.
My wife was in a car accident about five years ago. My children were in the car with her. My son lost his right arm and my daughter was banged up. My wife suffered a traumatic brain injury that left her in a persistent vegetative state.
She was basically brain dead and only her brain stem was keeping her alive. After talking to doctors and her family I was ready to let her go. My daughter couldn't accept that. I took her for counseling. We went seperatly and together with her brother.
She could not let go. Thanks to my employer I have excellent insurance. I also earn enough to not really have any monetary concerns. I started attending a grief support group.
I met a woman there who had lost her husband. We connected. Maybe a year after we met we started a relationship. We weren't as careful as we should have been and she got pregnant. We discussed our options and we decided that we had a future together.
When she was seven months pregnant she was put on bedrest. I moved her into a room in my house. My daughter did not handle it well. She said I was having an affair.
She has never treated my fiancee with basic respect. I know I'm moving on very fast, but my wife and I had a strained relationship for the last few years. She had substance abuse problems and I spent six years trying to hide that from the kids.
I still loved her and wanted her to get better. She was high when she crashed her car. I was and am still very angry about that. My wife's body got pneumonia and died a year ago. That's when I got engaged. My daughter got engaged when she was eighteen.
I wasn't thrilled but I tried my best to support her. I got my invitation and it didn't include my fiancee or even a plus one. I called her to ask about it and she said that I was a guest and to be grateful I was even invited by myself considering I was having an affair.
I said that I wanted to bring my fiancee. She adamantly refused. I RSVP'd that I would not be attending. I still paid for the wedding. I took my fiancee and son to Orlando for that weekend.
My daughter has been telling everyone that I chose to go to Disney World instead of her wedding. She is saying that I'm an absolute monster for putting my replacement family ahead of her.
I just want to move forward. My son said to include that I was just a guest at the wedding and not a part of it at all. Like I wasn't going to walk her down the aisle or anything. I think my daughter is being incredibly unfair to my fiancee and her half brother. None of this is their fault.
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
Forward-Wear7913
I think where you become the AH is when you refuse to see her side at all and would not attend the wedding. Would it have been so difficult for you to attend it alone and work to rebuild your relationship with your daughter? Taking your new family to Orlando was rubbing salt in the wound.
Revolutionary_Let_39
ESH.
Yes, your daughter is acting selfishly, but she is a teenager that experienced a traumatic loss.
With time and maturity, I would hope she will realize that she made a mistake in treating your fiancé this way. I know that I made plenty of mistakes as a teenager that I now regret, and I didn’t even have the amount of emotional baggage your daughter does.
However, you’re an adult and her father. Even though you were disappointed in her, you should have been there for your daughter regardless. Two wrongs don’t make a right, and she will never forget that you chose to go on vacation rather than attend her wedding. You will never be able to make that up to her.
Hot_mess4ever
Did I see a post recently from the daughters perspective?
Also NTA.
mogwai-92
NTA. I read your daughters post too. You didn't just move some woman in, your timeline is unclear but from her comments you met your girlfriend in a grief support group 2 years after your wife's accident.
You also still paid for her wedding. I think you should have included that even your wife's family agree that your daughter is being unfair and should be treating you and your girlfriend and son better. Your daughter is redirecting her grief at you and its sad for you both. Hope you all get the help you need.
Healthy-Magician-502
YTA. Why couldn’t you attend the wedding without your fiancée? Why did you feel the need to rub her in your daughter’s face, considering the circumstances?
LeaJadis
YTA. your daughter has every right to act upset. she was a young teen when her mom died and you moved on incredibly quickly to a new woman and new family. Your wife was still alive and you are moving in your new girlfriend. She is acting from what she sees. How hard is it for you to attend your daughters wedding without your new squeeze?
Bitter_Animator2514
You put your new redo life above your daughter. You purposely left her behind whilst you moved forward with your life. You made a choice that will forever effect her and your relationship.
You did choose a holiday over your daughters wedding you wanted to bring a fiancé to her wedding that she isn’t comfortable with. You did the damage you made a new family without making sure your first kids where comfortable or dealing with there life.