'AITA for "ruining" my friend's relationship by refusing to bake her wedding cake?' UPDATED

"AITA for rescinding my offer to bake cakes for my friends wedding and potentially ruining their relationship?"

Those involved are me [22F], the bride/friend Cassie [24F] and her fiancé Adam [25M] Cassie has always loved my cakes and asked me to make 8 for her wedding late last year. We agreed they’d be one tier cakes to be used as table centerpieces, I loved the idea! We agreed that they’d be decorated a particular way that wasn’t too elaborate. I was happy with the arrangement and super excited by the prospect!

Early January she decided she wanted three tier cakes instead and wanted them decorated much more intricately, the intricacy wanted is nowhere near my ability. I don’t really have the free time to learn how to do it either, I have a lot on my plate in my day to day life and I knew even doing the one tier cakes would be a little tricky but absolutely manageable!

I politely said I couldn’t do that and tried to offer a compromise. I offered to find a way to do three tier cakes, but more simplistic than she’d have liked. I also offered to get her in contact with a skilled friend of mine who I knew could do what she wanted, she’d have to pay but the price would’ve been extremely good and they’d be beautiful cakes. Worth every penny!

She got very angry at this compromise effort. She called me selfish and told me I was sabotaging her big day. Then demanded I do it for her while getting a few of her friends to send me rude and disheartening messages. This was heartbreaking for me but I told her I could no longer do the cakes and she got angrier. We haven’t talked since that until yesterday.

I received a message yesterday, acting like nothing happened, asking me to do the cakes again because I owed her. She said I’d be a useless friend if I didn’t. I declined and she chewed me out again saying things that were unnecessary and I’d rather not repeat. I’d had enough, this had already been stressful for me and I hated being dragged into it.

I messaged Adam sending him some screenshots asking if he’d please make her stop lashing out. She was hurting but I didn’t deserve the things said.

I didn’t get a reply until today where he apologized profusely. He told me she’d done this to another friend before me and this was “the straw that broke the camel's back” for him and he was going to call off the wedding until they’d been to counselling together. I thanked him for being understanding but a few hours later Cassie and her friends started harassing and threatening me. It's been horrible.

My boyfriend is urging me to cut out Cassie but I can’t help feeling like an a$$hole. If I made time to learn this whole situation wouldn’t be happening, so does that make me the a$$hole? Am I being selfish? He’s reassured me that I’m not but I could really do with an outside perspective.

What do you think? AITA? Is she being selfish? This is what top commenters had to say:

Dszquphsbnt said:

I've seen a lot of wtf wedding drama on here, but this one takes the...nevermind. NTA

italy2986 said:

This is exactly wtf drama and OP needs to send one text “ Stop harassing me or I will call the police for harassment” that needs to be the end of it. If she or her friends doesn’t stop call the police you have all the texts to back it up.

WritPositWrit said:

NTA. Block her. Block all her minions. You do not need this kind of harassment in your life.

mikey_weasel said:

NTA. You are in no way the asshole here. You offered a fair pleasant compromise and I think she is clearly the asshole for how she's been acting. And Adam was already looking for reasons to slow this wedding down, that was not your fault at all.

FunOnAita said:

NTA. Your boyfriend is right. Cassie is not your friend. And honestly, Adam is making the right call by postponing the wedding at all.

Drasils said:

It was but a matter of time if she's doing this to other friends, you're just the unlucky person who got to deal with her. NTA.

Puzzleheaded-Hurry26 said:

I cannot emphasize how much NTA you are. You agreed to make cakes as a favor to Cassie. She wanted more than you had the skills to provide. You even tried to compromise with her and say you’d make three-tier cakes that were simpler. Instead of being grateful, she and her friends sent you rude messages.

Your actions didn’t cause her fiancé to call off the wedding; her own actions did that. Adam is seeing a pattern of behavior from her that shows a very unflattering side, and he’s totally justified in questioning their relationship. And in response, Cassie and her friends start threatening you.

You have consistently been a far better friend to Cassie than she deserves. I think your boyfriend is right about cutting her out of your life. For the sake of your physical and mental health, block her number.

EDIT/UPDATE:

Oh my gosh, I fell asleep last night after posting this and didn't expect to wake up to a response anything like this. Thank you so much everyone for taking the time to respond! I'll try and find time to respond to some comments later. To touch on a few things I've seen mentioned:

- Cassie is now cut out. As are her friends. People saying I was being a doormat were completely right and those few saying I need therapy also were. I've been actively looking for a therapist I click with. I used to be good at recognizing behaviour akin to this but lockdowns have taken a toll on my mental health

- A few people mentioned a contract style situation with a "friend discount"! I'll definitely do some thinking on that idea to try and help avoid situations like this happening again

- For those saying I shouldn't have contacted Adam, I did on the sole basis that this was his wedding as well. I stand by my choice to contact him.

- For those mentioning getting the police involved, if any further threats happen I will. I've documented everything that's happened so far just in case.

Thank you again for taking the time to hear me out, support me and give judgement! I really appreciate it!