Wedding guest refuses bouquet toss for 'feminist reasons.' AITA?
"AITA for not taking part in the bouquet toss at my friend's wedding?"
A couple of weekends ago I was at the wedding of my good college friend, Amy. For context, I am in a longterm relationship but do not plan on getting married, for various reasons including the fact I don't want a wedding as I hate a lot of the traditions involved for feminist reasons, and don't really care about having one anyway.
My friends know all of this. I could not care less if other people do these traditions, and have never judged anyone for doing so. I have had a great time at all of my friend's weddings.
At Amy's wedding, we get to the bouquet toss. I don't like this tradition, so in general I opt not to take part, and given I don't even plan on getting married, it makes sense for me to sit it out. When I saw it was happening, I went to go to the bathroom.
The maid of honor (my friend too) saw me leaving and told me that I should wait until after the toss. I said I needed to go, and she then said she'd make them wait. I insisted they go ahead, and this friend gives me a very long stare, a sigh, and then went over to take part in the toss.
A few days later the bride and this friend got in touch and expressed how disappointed they were that I didn't take part in this tradition for Amy's sake. Every other unmarried woman took part, and they said that making a clear political statement at Amy's wedding was cruel as they know about my thoughts around all of it.
Amy said her bouquet toss memories are now tarnished knowing how much I'm judging it from a feminist perspective. They said I can decide to not do things at my own weddings, but it's only polite to take part in the activities at other people's.
I want to make it clear I barely talk about my opinions on this stuff, only when asked and with so many disclaimers that I do not judge people for doing any of it. I am not that person. AITA for not taking part?
Here's what the top commenters had to say:
SoCentralRainImSorry said:
NTA. Good grief. If that’s the worst thing that happened at Amy’s wedding, she had a really good wedding.
Pressnspeak said:
NTA. Your Amy friend and MoH need to evolve into this century. Also, who takes attendance at a bouquet toss...
trinabillibob said:
NTA they are being ridiculous. You didn't tarnish a thing she is just being dramatic. You shouldn't be forced to do anything that makes you uncomfortable or goes against your beliefs for the sake of someone elses moment.
ColdButCool33 said:
NTA. You are absolutely not required to take part in something that makes you uncomfortable regardless of what it is. You have previously stated your beliefs on traditional expectations regarding women and marriage etc.
It was certainly no big deal to skip it and you even were going to the bathroom so it's not like you were staring defiantly at and judging the other women. No one would have even noticed you were gone but when the MOH runs over to make a big deal out of it everyone noticed then which made her look bad, not you. Is she in charge of wrangling the guests to make sure they all participate?
Good grief. You don't care if they do it, you just don't want to. No big deal. The fact that your friend and another friend decided it would be a good idea to get in touch with you afterwards to express their disappointment is beyond immature.
For what reason? Did they hope you'd apologize? Change your mind? Do they actually think you ruined the moment? This is the most ridiculous thing ever.
venusinsomniac said:
You're NTA here...your friends should've respected your choice, knowing your feelings about wedding traditions.
reggiesnap said:
NTA. You'd be a jerk if you had longwinded conversations about how stupid the tradition is at her wedding, but it sounds like you tried to discretely opt out. Why do they want to force you to do something?