Woman tells her cousin at a wedding that her marriage 'sound miserable.' AITA? UPDATED 2X
"AITA for telling a married woman her marriage sounds miserable? (USA)?"
I (45F) attended a wedding a few weeks ago when a cousin (55F) was talking about how she wishes I would marry. I’ve heard the struggles of her marriage (she cheated he took her back, they do everything he wants, she’s given up her hobbies and learned to enjoy his, he controls the money, and she works PT and she could never afford to live on her own, etc) and for 20 years I’ve heard how I should get married. I’ve always said it’s not a priority and if it happens it happens.
I’ve repeatedly said throughout the years I enjoy being single, I’ve been proposed to multiple times and I like living life on my terms. I can embrace my hobbies (which are expensive), have a great job, live on my own, have great friends, I travel, and I’ve had great LTRs.
My life is full. I’ve been financially independent since I was 22 (she has never been financially independent). The entire family knows I’m generous with my time and money (whether it’s a gift or helping somebody out financially without expecting repayment - electricity, groceries, school expenses, etc). Marriage has NEVER been a priority to me.
I finally had it with the comments and her not respecting my life. I finally told her I respect her opinions, but I felt like her marriage was that of convenience and sounds absolutely miserable to me. I would die a slow death if I was in a marriage like hers - all of which is true. I like being able to make my own decisions and if the right person comes along it’s fine but that it’s not a goal of mine (never has been). The look of shock on her face said it all.
She didn’t care for that and is painting me out to be mean. After 20 years of comments and pressure I finally said what needed to be said to get the comments to stop. She couldn’t fathom that somebody wouldn’t want to have her life and to me it sounds like a prison sentence. She also can’t fathom somebody could be happy living my life. So AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
whatsmypassword73 said:
NTA, definitely the energy we need in 2024. If you insist on harassing a friend or family member about not marrying or not having children, I’m more than happy to put your life under a microscope as exhibit A for why you should stfu. Every time we take the opportunity to make someone that pushy feel a trickle of fear, we all win.
Fromasha said:
NTA. She had it coming, not many people would have had the balls to say the truth like that. Be prepared from some frosty future family events though. I don't think she'll forget/forgive somehow...
SushiGuacDNA said:
NTA. She poked, poked, poked, poked — for years — but when you poke back once, you are the mean one? That's not how it works. The problem is, people expect more from you because you are obviously the mentally healthy one.
PlayfulJob8767 said:
NTA. She is projecting and she wants you to be miserable too. She is telling you that because you should suffer from the same ife she does. She knows how free you are in regards of time, money and having a free spirit. She is envious of that.
MayaMarshmello said:
NTA, and honestly, it's about time you dropped some truth bombs on your cousin. You've endured two decades of unsolicited opinions about your love life, and you finally served her a reality check on a silver platter. Your cousin needs to realize that not everyone dreams of being married. Keep living your best life girl!
Adventurous-Bet9747 said:
NTA, she was harassing with her comments and you had made your position clear on the matter repeatedly.
Plastic-Abroc67a8282 said:
NTA - It's not mean, it's accurate. Her marriage is abusive and there's nothing wrong with pointing that out. Especially if she won't drop it.
FIRST UPDATE:
More on her audacity. She called me an hour ago bitching me out because I offered to give my 2nd car to my brother’s daughter for her 16th birthday since I never drive it (my niece posted on social media thanking me for being so generous).
She wanted to know why I wouldn’t offer it to her kid who is in college and “needs it more” than my niece. I simply told her it’s my decision what I do with my car and that my niece and I are close. She went on for 20 minutes before I bluntly said “it’s my car and my choice of what to do with it. Deal with it.” Then I hung up.
SECOND UPDATE:
I had a zoom tonight with my family and we read through this. Unbeknownst to me, my parents and her parents have talked to her about this inappropriate behavior for years (going back to my 20s) even saying “we don’t talk about your choices so stop pushing marriage on her.”
She’s also made comments to my siblings trying to bring them down as well. Parents had no idea because we try not to make it a bigger deal. It’s all jealousy. Well my mild-mannered parents are pissed and have stated that next family get together, they are going to ask her how her and her husband got past the cheating and make comments to her about her life choices and bullying.
I think that’s going too far but given that the “adults” spoke to her several times and she keeps doing it, I’ll allow them put her in her place. Petty but now that I know they spoke to her several times the gloves are off. I’m NTA.