'AITA for what I said to my pregnant sister during an argument?'
"AITA for what I said to my pregnant sister during an argument?"
I honestly don’t even know where to start and I’m still kind of shaking so sorry if this is all over the place. I’m 26F, live alone, work full time. I don’t make crazy money but I’m stable and I budget a lot. I finally bought a car last year after saving for YEARS. I grew up sharing everything and I wanted one thing that was mine.
My sister is 32 and pregnant with her 4th kid. Yes fourth. Before anyone asks, no they are not doing great financially. They never really have been. Her husband jumps between jobs and she hasn’t worked in a long time. My parents constantly help them out with rent, groceries, bills, everything.
Last week she calls me crying saying they’re getting evicted. I felt horrible. I really did. I spent like an hour on the phone trying to calm her down and I even looked up assistance programs and places that might help temporarily. Then she said she needs my car. At first I thought she meant like borrowing it. Nope. She meant give it to her.
Like permanently. She said she needs it more than me because she has kids and I don’t, and that public transport is fine for someone like me. I said no. Calmly at first. Then she started saying stuff like I don’t understand real responsibility and that if anything happens to her baby because she can’t get around that’s on me.
That really messed with my head. She kept crying and saying family wouldn’t do this to her. Then my parents called. Apparently she called them right after. They said I should help since I’m financially stable and I can always get another car later. My mom literally said I only go to work and back so what do I even need it for. I snapped. I know I did.
I said her poor planning and her baby are not my responsibility and I’m tired of being expected to sacrifice because she keeps making bad choices. Now everyone is furious at me. Like nuclear furious. My sister is posting vague stuff on Facebook about toxic people and fake family and everyone knows it’s about me. Relatives I barely talk to are messaging me telling me I’ll regret this one day.
I feel awful but also angry and honestly really hurt. I worked hard for my life and it feels like I’m being punished for it. I don’t think I should lose my car because she keeps having kids she can’t afford but maybe I shouldn’t have said it like that. I don’t know. Am I actually TA here?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
TMNTerps wrote:
Your sister is being completely unreasonable. NTA. You have a pretty toxic family if they all think you should give up your car. It's good that they are all giving up their cars to her... right..? Oh, they aren't doing that?
It's weird that it falls on you to give up yours. You probably need to start going low/no contact with these people if that's how they act. Family members that expect you to give up everything for them when they screw up, but offer nothing in return are just leeches you need to pull off.
duchess5788 wrote:
NTA. Lol the nerve to call you irresponsible while she's the one popping out babies with not a single stable income between the two adults. How is it responsible to give birth to a whole human being when you can't even feed the existing one? Whoever calls you, take note and give your sister a list of people willing to loan her car and give her money fir rent n grocery.
danceORbox wrote:
NTA. You're sister is delusional. The only help she needs is a pack of birth control. Cut her off, she seems toxic and vindictive. You'll miss out on nothing except multiple demands for your hard earned resources, which I assure you, will never stop coming.
We have a family member like that (I steer clear). Also disappointed that your mother sided with her as well. Set clear boundaries with your family, or live to regret that you didn't. I'm sorry for the ordeal. You're justified to be furious.
Pleasant_Detail5697 wrote:
NTA. I wouldn’t even believe this if I hadn’t read A Framework for Understanding Poverty, but apparently this is really a thing in very poor families where anyone that has money or assets is expected to share. It’s a different mindset than I was raised with for sure, but it sounds like you’ve worked hard to get out, and your family still expects you to function like they always have.
R4eth wrote:
NTA. Your sister needs birth control, not a car. She wants one so badly, she can save, just like you did. Oh, wait. She can't. Because her deadbeat husband can't hold down a job, and neither of them know how to keep it in their pants. Their dumb choices in birth control aren't your damn problem. Let them blow up. They made that fire all on their own.
traditional_dig_1857 wrote:
NTA. Remove everyone from social media and take a break from everyone. Don't answer calls, don't read the texts, don't engage. What you said was right, I don't know how you said it, but at this point it doesn't even matter.
It's always very easy to spend other people's money. If anyone else in the family wants to give her their car they are welcome to do so. Keep living you life and moving forward. That is the whole point. Just turn the noise off. Including the voice of guilt in your head.
jazzhandsfan65 wrote:
NTA who is she to talk about responsibility when your parents are the ones funding her entire life and her kids life 🙄 Tell anyone harassing you that they’re free to give their cars to her and then block them.