ibleedaudio writes:
I've been married for six years, and I love my wife dearly. However, there’s been a disconnect between us. I feel like I’m more invested in our relationship than she is. I’m always the first to apologize when we argue, the one to push for conversations so we can resolve things, and the one who usually compromises so we can find balance.
Today is my birthday, and so far, it feels like she has no idea. We went through the usual routine this morning, talked about our day, and she asked if we could grab takeout tonight from her favorite place. So clearly, she forgot.
I’m not someone who makes a big deal about birthdays, but I guess I’d still like it to be acknowledged. I want that reassurance that I matter to the people in my life. Sometimes I feel invisible in my own world, and it would mean a lot just to know that someone cares.
I guess I want to know if I’m a priority to her. I want to see if she would even acknowledge my birthday if I don’t prompt her. I mean, I took her out for her birthday, got her gifts she really loved, and made it special. I’m just curious if I would even hear those two words if I didn’t say anything first. Would I be the bad guy if I go through the day without reminding her?
frostedDragonRider says:
NTA, may seem weird but I suggest not saying anything to see if she really forgot. Has this happened before or anything similar?
OP responded:
No, not really. She has a history of hating her own birthday and tries to avoid it so I kind of have to dance around that to show that I care. Maybe she downplays mine because she hates her own?
gottahavemysay says:
No you wouldn't ... but what are you going to do if she doesn't remember? Are you going to remind her tomorrow? Or next week? Or next time you have a fight? Think about the repercussions how you will feel if she doesn't remember...
Single_Employment_98 says:
This is very unfortunate. I do not believe you are the AH in this scenario. I encourage you to not treat this as some test or "gotcha" moment with your wife. If she does not acknowledge your birthday, it's time for a serious conversation. And if that's not possible, perhaps some counseling to make her not just hear you, but really listen.
So yesterday was my birthday, and I was under the impression that my wife had forgotten. I got all up in my head, questioning a lot of things about our marriage. She had mentioned earlier that we could get fast food from one of her favorite places, and it made me think my birthday wasn’t even on her radar.
Following the advice I got, I didn’t say anything. I went to pick her up from work to give her her keys. We’re down to one car right now since mine is in the shop. Everything felt normal. But instead of going to Crushed Red, like she had mentioned, we pulled up at my favorite Mexican restaurant which is the one we only go to for special occasions.
Over the course of one massive burrito and some strong margaritas, we had a real conversation. She told me it was hard not to say anything but that she wanted to surprise me. I told her how I had felt, and she was immediately apologetic. She blamed herself, but I told her she had nothing to be sorry for. She had been trying to make it special, and I could have cleared everything up by just communicating with her.
We talked about our relationship and had a really nice night. She asked what I wanted to do, and I said I just wanted a simple evening. So we went home and watched a movie I’d been trying to get her to see for ages (The Raid: Redemption), and she actually really liked it.
All in all, it was a good night, and a lot of my fears turned out to be misguided. I felt like I owed you all an update after so many of you reached out yesterday. Thanks again, and I hope you all have a good day.