'WIBTA if I tell my sister-in-law I prefer to look after my own kids, not hers?'
"WIBTA if I tell my sister-in-law I prefer to look after my own kids, not hers?"
I'm (40m) a father of 3. My SIL (27f) and her husband (27m) had their first kid 2 years ago. She's my wife's sister and we tend to see each other at least once a month for family events. For my wife and I, we manage our kids ourselves.
If we go somewhere, one of us is always keeping an eye on them, making sure they're not getting into trouble - especially making sure the youngest (a toddler) is safe - changing her if necessary, refilling her sippy cup, stuff like that. Its our job. If something happens, one of us pops up and takes care of it.
SIL and her husband take a different approach and are frequently asking for help. If we're all eating dinner and their kid has a poopy diaper, they'll sometimes get it, sometimes turn to one of us and ask "would you mind?"
The other day, I'm at a party and just came back inside after getting something for my kids, ready to sit down to eat and SIL asks "[Baby] left her sippy cup upstairs - would you mind getting it?"
Her and her husband both sitting down and perfectly capable. It's not like they've asked a few times when they're overwhelmed or there's only one of them - there's been times one of them is lying on a couch reaching a book and ask me for something.
It's not like what they ask for anything I'd consider a huge inconvenience, so I feel petty saying something - but part of me just wants to say "Look, my wife and I are responsible for our kids - you're responsible for yours. I don't ask you to change our kids' diapers or grab their sippy cups from the next room, don't ask me." WIBTA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Salty-Initiative-242 said:
NTA in my family, we'd be asking "are your legs broke?"
Fickle-Cabinet3956 said:
NTA. People like that get very comfortable allowing others to do for them and then it becomes an expectation and a bad habit down the line. Little things start to become very big things with entitled behavior.
It would be one thing if she reciprocated that energy when it came to your children, but clearly that's not the issue. I would've said "no sorry, I'm actually getting ready to eat." I might have told the BIL, "hey, your wife needs you to go grab the sippy cup" or not said anything at all and went and ate. Nip that behavior in the bud now, so they can actually parent their children even when they around other people.
Thegetupkids678 said:
NTA. I cannot imagine asking someone to change my child or get something for him when his dad and I are both present and available.
o2low said:
Your wife should be the one pushing back in her sibling because she can be ruder without the same level of consequences. Because she can say "are your legs broken?" And she won’t get the same reaction as you saying it.
I have no problem being viewed as petty and I have a well known hard rule about dirty diapers. Nope. I don’t do that. I’d never ask someone to do stuff I can do for myself but clearly she thinks she’s a manager, not a parent. Push back, who cares if they don’t like it.
No-Performance5432 said:
NTA. When you’re a parent, you know taking care of your own kids is just part of the job. You’re not your SIL’s or her husband’s personal assistant or babysitter. Asking you to grab stuff or change diapers when they’re perfectly capable is over the line. Setting boundaries might be what they need to start stepping up.
RoyallyOakie said:
YWNBTA...if you don't set a boundary now, they'll continue behaving like this until their child (or children by then) are adults. How it's received will depend on the tone used. Try saying it in a more jovial way and hope they take the hint.
Admirable-Koala-1715 said:
NTA - they’re being totally obnoxious. How does your wife feel? She should handle it with her sister if possible. You can always respond “sorry but our 3 kids used up all our energy already - you’re on your own”