'WIBTA if I asked my best friend’s BF to delay his proposal?' 'I didn't sign up to be a background extra.' MINI UPDATE

"WIBTA if I asked my best friend’s boyfriend to delay his surprise proposal during our girls’ trip?"

I (25F) planned a short 4-night trip to Goa with my childhood best friend (also 25F). We’ve both been working for a while, but this is our first proper trip together. I’ve been having a rough few months emotionally, haven’t taken any real time off, and I’ve been counting down to this trip as a chance to decompress and reconnect.

It was supposed to be a girls’ trip, something I really needed. I’m kinda broke, but I still committed to going because anyway I had booked my tickets a few months back and I knew it was gonna be hella fun.

Yesterday, her boyfriend messaged me saying he plans to surprise her by flying in on Friday (we arrive Wednesday night, trip runs Thursday to Monday) to propose to her. At first, I was genuinely happy for them. But then I realized…that means he’ll be there for 3 out of the 4 full days, so basically 75% of the trip.

I casually asked if they’d be flying back together on Monday since they live in the same city, and he said “I’ll see about that,” which only confirmed my fear that he’s staying for the rest of the trip.

Now I feel like I’m about to third-wheel the majority of my trip - one that I planned and was emotionally counting on (it was initially going to be a solo trip to Varkala for surf lessons but u was asking her for a trip as well so she said let’s go to Goa and ofc I was v excited to go w her). Now I can’t even talk to my friend about it because it’s supposed to be a surprise.

I don’t resent the proposal. I love her and I’ll be happy for her. But it sucks that this trip - which was supposed to be a shared, much-needed escape - is now being reshaped into something else without any regard for how I might feel.

So here’s where I might be the ahole: Would I be wrong to message him and ask (politely) if he could delay joining by a day or two so that I can still have a little bit of one-on-one time with her before he arrives? I don’t want to ruin his plans, but I also didn’t sign up to be a background extra on my own trip. AITA?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

jrm1102 said:

NTA - he's hijacking your plans so he can propose. This is odd. If he wants a special trip to propose he should plan his own.

theautisticcookbook said:

NTA - I’m just curious how you think she would react to him showing up on the second night of a girls trip. I would just tell him that while you love the idea of proposing, the fact is the two of you have been planning this for the TWO of you...

And if he comes the second night you’re there then he’s basically taking over your entire vacation and there’s no point of you staying longer than that. So he should come up with his own plan separate from the vacation he wasn’t even invited on.

Moonface3 said:

NTA - he should plan his own trip for that. I don’t know the girl obviously but if my boyfriend did that to me when I was on a girls trip, I’d find it super awkward for the people around me. Just be honest with him about what the trip means to you and if he’s worth his dime, he will recognize he should back off. Maybe suggest working with him to plan the proposal when you guys get back.

bIondiebaddie said:

NTA. You planned this trip for a specific reason: to decompress and reconnect with your best friend. You committed to it even when you were broke because of how much it meant to you. A surprise proposal is awesome and exciting, but it completely changes the dynamic of what was supposed to be your trip together.

Careless-Run-3815 said:

NTA I think he's being an insecure ahole.

No_Appearance4463 said:

NTA. It would end up being a couple's trip with you being the third wheel.

MINI UPDATE:

I did call him and asked him to do it on Sunday and like they can extend the trip if needed. There’s another friend of hers who is visiting w her boyfriend. My friend made it very clear that we won’t be meeting them because why would she hang out w a couple.

Anyway, he made it sound very- like almost like he was offended. Because he said “I’ll have to come before Sunday because I need to plan and stuff” so I said sure do it by all means.

But the twist- he has called her other friend as well. So basically this trip is now an engagement party that I’m spending money to attend. And he said it like “why would I have a problem with proposing on Sunday?” Like dude?