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'WIBTA for missing my cousin's wedding because she didn't send me my own invitation?'

'WIBTA for missing my cousin's wedding because she didn't send me my own invitation?'


"WIBTA for missing my cousin's wedding because she didn't send me my own invitation?"

This is petty, to be honest, but I'll give some backstory, so maybe it will make a little more sense. So I (26F) have a large extended family, like 10 cousins, most of whom have multiple kids now large. Despite being one of the oldest (3rd), I'm still kind of treated like a child.

I believe this is because my family has a habit of having kids pretty young (e.i., Lots of teen moms and even those who plan for children have had them in their early twenties) and I'm child-free. It irks me since I've always been pretty independent, and now that I'm approaching my late 20s and have been living on my own for nearly 6 years, you'd think I'd get a little respect as an adult. But apparently not.

So I live about 3 hours away from where the rest of my family does, and I have been planning for months to visit for the Pride Parade held there. I live in a big city and the one they do here is just too hectic, so I prefer to go to that one. Well, I messaged my mom today asking when she's free so I can figure out a good time to visit with her and my siblings.

She tells me not to worry about seeing just them, that we'll be able to spend plenty of time together at Cousin's(F22) wedding on Saturday. Cue confusion. I didn't know Cousin was getting married this weekend, but I didn't get any kind of invitation. I tell her that, and she's also confused because there's no reason Cousin wouldn't have invited me.

I tell her it's no big deal anyways because I already have plans for that day. Well, I guess she mentioned something to Aunt (Cousin's mom) because she messaged me a few hours ago to tell me that I WAS invited, that I was on my mom's invitation as "and Kids."

I tell her that that's too bad, because I already have plans for that night and that if they had really wanted me to go, they should have sent me my own invitation. I am an adult and live 3 hours away, so, of course, my mom isn't going to think I'm included in her "and kids" invitation.

I wasn't going to change my plans on a dime because of their shortsightedness. Well, apparently, that makes me an ahole. I've been getting messages from family left and right telling me I should skip the parade, that Cousin's wedding is more important because it's a one-time thing, but they do the parade every year.

I haven't prepared to go to a wedding at all and I'mnot very close to that part of the family (they are ultra religious). I'm pretty sure Cousin, herself, doesn't even care if I'm there or not. So, WIBTA if I didn't go?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Own_Lack_4526 said:

NTA. That's ridiculous - you don't live at home, you're a fully functioning adult, if your cousin wanted you at the wedding she should have invited you. Even your mom didn't realize she meant to include you as "and kids." If you already have plans, you already have plans - she should have sent an invitation. No need for you to go.

Artistic_Tough5005 said:

NTA You’re not a kid. Your mom didn’t invite or even tell you about it. You have your own plans (that sound way more fun than a huge family wedding) in no way you should cancel.

Curious_Raise8771 said:

You know. This is why I come here. I like to judge based on the title and you know what, when you toss me a curve ball like this one...I love the human experience...and yes, this makes me the ahole. But you? NTA.

Dittoheadforever said:

You're NTA. That's just ridiculous. Your relatives are either disrespectful or just plain forgot to invite you and are now pretending you were included on your mom's invitation. At least your mom knows you aren't a kid, or she would have told you quite a while ago about that invitation. She obviously assumed that you had received your own.

Winter_Dragonfly_452 said:

NTA. I do have a question. How often do you speak to your mom? Because your cousin‘s wedding never came up one time in conversation? Like she didn’t tell her, she was shopping for a dress, or present or anything like that? There was nothing posted on social media? Not everybody’s on social media.

Kids does not include adults kids that do not live in the house let alone live in their own house three hours away with their own address. Your aunt is either trying to save face because they forgot to invite you and/or it’s a gift grab. Don’t give it another thought and enjoy the parade.

actualchristmastree said:

NTA. If cousin didnt have the wherewithal to even text you and say “hey I included you on your parents invitation to save postage,” then they definitely don’t care if you’re there or not. Do they even know where you live?

analyst19 said:

NTA. Ignore these wacky family members.

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