'WIBTA for taking my friend's wedding as a vacation and not attending the wedding?'
"WIBTA for taking my friend's wedding as a vacation and not attending the wedding?"
I 27F have been friends with Ava 28F, since college. She got engaged last year to Max and took me to brunch with 5 other girls, to announce we were all bridesmaids for her wedding. Max wanted Ava to include his sister Mia, 25F, as a bridesmaid, which Ava agreed to. Ava has met Mia a couple of times and complained in the past that Mia is difficult.
We all went on a bachelorette holiday together, and Mia accused me of taking her earrings, as I was the last one to head out of the apartment after going to the bathroom at the other end of the Airbnb.
I didn't take the earrings, and Mia made digs at me the whole 3 day trip about her earrings, even when I tried to explain. I was super upset that Ava didn't say anything to Mia, but told me that she believed me, and Ava's other friends were on my side.
Mia found the earrings when we came back and didn't even reach out to apologize to me. After the trip, I sent Ava a message saying I was super upset she didn't stand up for me or say anything after Mia had found her earrings.
Ava didn't reply, and a few days later, I told her that I was going to drop out of the bridal party. She replied instantly to say that myc and that it's too close to the wedding to make a drastic change.
She is having a destination wedding and has covered flights and a hotel for the wedding for me and my boyfriend bought his ticket and my boyfriend said that we could make it a holiday for us instead, since we've already taken the time off work and can't change it.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Lola-the-showgirl said:
YTA. You're literally planning on stealing from your "friend." She bought your flights and hotel so you could attend her wedding, not f around with your boyfriend.
KingdomKey10 said:
YTA. please be so for real right now. You got your feelings hurt by someone who isn't even your friend, and she didn't "stand up" for you because she is trying to not create drama during her wedding AND with her fiancé's family. Who cares if her new sister in law is rude, you are an adult and you can stand up for yourself.
But honestly, the real issue here is that you and your BF think its ok for you to just essentially take your friends money to partially fund your own vacation and skip her whole wedding because you are mad at her over someone else's actions? That is INSANE.
Put yourself in her shoes. You are threatening to throw a wrench into her entire wedding plan because she didn't derail her own bachelorette party to defend your honor from someone she has already told you she wasn't a fan of and was difficult. its just self centered tbh.
Popular_Phase9267 said:
Wait, you still want to use the flights and hotel she paid for?? That's where you lost me. YTA. (Mia is also, but that's neither here nor there). I would also say that what Ava did is not awful enough to really warrant you dropping out, though she should have stood up for you more.
Considering that Mia is her future SIL, and she seems like a nightmare, I get why she was hesitant to make herself Mia's enemy. Instead of going off on Ava, you could commiserate together how awful Mia is.
Fullback70 said:
YTA. An adult would have asked Mia for an apology face to face once Mia had found the earrings. An adult doesn’t need others to fight their own battles. An adult doesn’t drop out of commitments to their friends because they got their feelings hurt by a third party.
Uubilicious_The_Wise said:
If you don't want to go to the wedding then you don't have to. Totally your choice. You can go on holiday anywhere in the world you would like. However, using the ticket and room which was paid for for a bridesmaid would be rude if you're not a bridesmaid and no longer part of the wedding.
Have to say YWBTA as the ticket and room were not a gift to you. They were intended for a bridesmaid to attend the wedding, not for a "friend" to take a holiday.
TornadoCat4 said:
YTA. She already paid for your trip, so taking advantage of her money while not attending the wedding is basically theft. And here you are complaining about being accused of theft. Oh, the irony.