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'WIBTA if I miss my GF's father's funeral to attend my BFF's wedding?' UPDATED

'WIBTA if I miss my GF's father's funeral to attend my BFF's wedding?' UPDATED


"WIBTA if is miss my GF's father's funeral to attend my best friend's wedding?"

So my best friend since childhood is getting married on Saturday. The wedding will be in our hometown, about 4.5 hours from where I currently live. I have tomorrow off and was planning on leaving early in the morning with my GF of 2 years to be home for the rehearsal dinner. I am the best man.

My GF's father had a sudden heart attack on Tuesday and unfortunately passed away early yesterday morning. I was upset because I had become somewhat close with him. My GF is obviously devastated. I have barely slept the last 2 days, doing my best to be there for her. My boss luckily allowed me to take the rest of the week off to be with her and her family.

Here is the issue: her mother just came back from the funeral home and let us know that the funeral will take place on Saturday (showing from 1 to 5, services and burial directly afterwards). I went pale as soon as I heard this and started sweating. I had almost forgotten about the wedding but this sparked my memory.

I turned to my GF and said "that's the day of best friend's wedding". She immediately started crying harder than I've ever seen her. She could barely talk, and her mother and sister started asking if I was really going to leave and go to the wedding. I kinda went blank and didn't know how to answer.

My GF finally was able to get out a "please don't leave me." before she started crying again. I just sat there for a few minutes before getting up to use the restroom (where I currently am). This wedding has been in the works for nearly 2 years and is something I have been looking forward to. I really feel like I will be the a$$hole if I go but I wanted another outside opinion.

What do you think of this sticky situation? AITA if he skips his GF's father's funeral to attend his BFF's funeral?

This is what top commenters had to say:


NAH - this is an immensely sh!tty predicament. If it were me, I’d call the best friend and see what his opinion is before making a decision, because he may say “go take care of your girlfriend”, making your decision a lot easier.

Best man is a serious obligation, as is supporting your girlfriend. If you must attend the wedding, I would let her know you will go to the ceremony and come straight back after the obligatory best man speech.


From personal experience, when my father died my ex wasn’t really there and it definitely ruined our relationship.


If you're serious about this girl, YWBTA. I know it sucks, I can't blame you for wanting to go to the wedding, but you'll have the rest of your life to celebrate the love between that couple. And if he's really your best friend, he'll understand.

Edit: saw the update. Yikes. It makes sense why the situation would give you pause, and you don't deserve nasty messages. If the gf doesn't answer and doesn't understand in the slightest why you paused, then I'm tempted to say wedding? Because she's acting like she doesn't want you there now


Oh jeez. This is a nightmare. You are so screwed. I think you need to go to the funeral. I would try to do both. What time is wedding? Can you go to ceremony and then leave? Can you go to only party afterwards? Can you go to last part of funeral viewing and burial? Ie go to wedding then be there for last two hours of viewing and funeral?


YTA - first a question - he passed away YESTERDAY and the funeral is already planned for THIS Saturday? That seems unusual...but I haven't planned a lot of funerals.

My judgment is based on who will need you more that day. Your best friend's wedding, he will be focused on his new bride and be surrounded by loved ones. Your girlfriend doesn't have another boyfriend to come step in and take your place at her side during this difficult time. Seems like a no brainer.

I would have a hard time enjoying the wedding anyway, knowing my SO is alone and miserable, dealing with one of the toughest losses of her life.


If this is the woman you want to be with for the rest of your life, then YTA. I would never forgive my partner if he left me to go party while I was grieving my father.


NAH. You can't win here. You go to the wedding you end up devastating your GF and disappointing your best friend. You go to the funeral, your best friend pays the price. But that said, I'd probably prioritize going to the funeral. Tough situation.


YWBTA. You go to funerals to support the living. Your GF has point blank begged you to be with her. Tell your buddy why you can't make it. Unless he's garbage he's going to understand.

I sympathize with looking forward to the wedding but if you abandon her she will never forget you weren't there for her when she begged you to be.

If you are on the fence, these updates from OP may sway you.

Update #1:

So I was just basically kicked out of her house. We were sitting in the living room and her mom asked again what I would be doing Saturday. I made a decision and said "I'll come to the funeral." Apparently she didn't like the way I replied and said "Wow don't sound too excited." very sarcastically.

I replied, "I didn't think this is really something I should sound excited for". She said that it's obvious I want to go to the wedding. My GF started balling again and I tried to calm her down. I stood up and grabbed my phone, saying I was stepping outside to call best friend to let him know I wouldn't make it.

Before I even made it out of the room GF yelled and said how can I even think about that right now. I tried to explain that I had to let him know so he could adjust plans, and she said "Just go. We all know you want to." I couldn't even reply and tried to sit back down but she told me to leave so I did.

I am really trying to give the the benefit of the doubt because she is an emotional wreck but I'm not sure where to even go from here. I'm sitting in a McDonald's parking lot typing this.

Update #2:

I am currently home. I tried calling her a few times and she didn't answer. I went and knocked on her door and they didn't answer but I know they are there. I'm going to give her a bit and call again. I texted her letting her know that I am committed to being there for her at the funeral. I'm going to call my friend when he gets off at 7 and let him know that I will not be able to make the wedding.

Please stop sending nasty messages. I did not ask for this and hardly think I should be treated like shit for not immediately saying I'm going to the funeral. I would honestly say the wedding was in the top 3 things in my life I've ever been looking forward to.

The fact that I was going to celebrate the best day of my best friend's life has been something I've thought about everyday since he asked me to be his best man a year ago. I've lost weight to look good in pictures and spent hours making sure the speech is perfect. I love him like a brother and it is going to kill me not to be there Saturday.

What do you think?

Sources: Reddit
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