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'WIBTA for ghosting my fiancee without saying anything after I found out she cheated?'

'WIBTA for ghosting my fiancee without saying anything after I found out she cheated?'


"WIBTAH for straight up leaving and ghosting my fiancee after I found out she cheated?"

I (28M) have found out that my fiancee (30F) of 2 years cheated on me. We have been together for 6 years and in-love with each other. At least that's how it was for me. She has been acting more distant and became more protective of her phone for the last 2 months.

At first, I was not suspicious of anything but the doubt grew more and more inside me as the time passed. Especially after asking her if there was a problem since she felt distant. She said there is no problem and that was it.

I gave in and snooped on her phone to discover she has been s^%ting a guy for the last 2 months. I was devastated. At the beginning of our relationship I clearly told her lying and cheating in any form are the two unforgivable actions for me.

Yet, she decided to cheat on me after 5 years of relationship and we had been planning the wedding for this summer. I am not proud of that but I checked the old messages as well but there was no case of cheating other than this.

I have been thinking about it for the last few days. I tried to rationalize it and told myself I cannot be leaving a 6 years relationship because of a single mistake but after having a long talk with my oldest sister, I realized that I should respect myself and leave. She was the one who betrayed the relationship, not me.

We do not have any shared assets and lease is on my fiancee's name. I have an inherited house but it's in another city. Tomorrow, I am planning to just get important things from the house, block her from everywhere and just leave. I do not want a closure to be honest. I just want to grieve the relationship.

I thought maybe I did not love her given that I want to leave her right away but it's not like that. It hurts a lot. I tend to stress eat, doom scroll, and spiral into depression in these kinds of situations. I have that experience from my early 20s. By going no contact and returning back to the city where my family lives will give me a circle that can support me.

WIBTAH if I straight up left and ghosted her without saying anything?

Here's what people had to say to OP after the original post:

Fuzzy-Bike-8813 says:

YWBNTA, OP i did the almost exact thing to my ex-fiancee as well. Almost 6 years later i'm married with 2 kids and i have never looked back.

butterlytea says:

NTA sure an explanation would be “nice” but who cares about being nice at this point. Also I’m sure you don’t want to hear her excuses/lies. Leaving this way might be for the best if you guys need closure that can be done in the future. You can only go from here! Good luck

RiverSong_777 says:

I think you‘d have a much better chance of not being pestered by her if you left a short note stating you found out.

bushiboy1973 says:

Did you screenshot the texts? If so, print them out and leave them for her to find the day you leave. Block her number and all socials, tell family and friends to do the same.

RainGirl11 says:

NTA but if she doesn't know you've left her she may report you as a missing person.

Update from OP the next day:

Firstly, I will not spread screenshots on social media or anywhere. That's a low-blow even if it does not contain s%$#al parts. It's a private thing and I am not planning to use these unless she plays dirty.

One of my sisters came early in the morning to take me after my fiancee left for the work and we packed some small things. As the lease is on her name, I do not have furnitures and stuff. We packed clothes, accessories and other small and personal things. Her car is an SUV type so we were able to fit most of the required things thankfully. I could not take the ring though.

I left the keys under the flower pot and put a sticky on the refrigerator saying "I know, bye". Drive took about 7 hours and we safely arrived to the inherited house. On the ride I received countless messages and calls from unknown numbers but did not answer. Once we arrived at the home, eldest sister called me asking if we arrived.

She told me fiancee called her crying around 3pm and my sister told her not to contact me, we know everything and if she tries to paint me bad in anyway we would not use only words but do not back away from showing solid proofs to people. Fiancee requested to know where I am and speak to me.

My sister said I am fine and she should not contact me in any form. When fiancee said we at least deserve a closure, my sister replied "too bad, suck it up"(not exactly that but that's how I would translate that idiom) and ended the call. I still get calls and messages from unknown numbers.

In the end her father and mother called me. Surprisingly, my fiancee came clean to them and while they hoped me to give a chance to her, they respected my decision. I thanked them and wished best of luck. Her father told me he will be sending the ring's money and asked me for my bank account. He actually sent it by adjusting to inflation so I got a pretty decent money.

The house is in an almost perfect condition as we renovated it before mom passed away. It's just incredibly dusty and dirty after not being used since then. My 3 sisters will come this weekend and we'll clean it together.

Eldest broke up with her girlfriend recently so she plans to live with me after her lease ends in few months. She has been complaining about the rent prices for a while. My sisters are pretty much my only family so I only informed them with some really close friends.

I am planning on going to therapy after settling here. It may sound weird how close I am with my sisters but we grew up like that. We grew up with a mean father. We bonded with each other through trauma and they tend to be a bit protective with me.

I think that history is one of the reasons I just did not want to face my ex-fiancee. I thought I got over that considering nothing happened since family therapy we took but it seems to be there. I'll get into therapy as soon as possible to understand everything and resolve the problems.

I will post if there are any updates but I just hope there will not be any. I just want to have peace and grieve right now.

Here's what people had to say to OP after the update:

Seeker_ofLight said:

It sounds as if you are on the right path and have a good support system. Yay sisters for having your back!! Good luck!

Academic-Wallaby669 OP responded:

Thank you! I did not know what I would do if my sisters weren't there.

_Sneaky_Peaky_ said:

Sisters the goat , I can't imagine you dealing this situation without them. as for cheater , she is for streets. Have a nice time OP

Function_East said:

Not usually the type to comment, but just dropped by to say that i’m really proud of you. Thank God for your sisters, her parents, but also your sanity and maturity. I hope that only good things come your way in the future.

blablablablaparrot said:

NTA. You are simply taking care of yourself after leaving a depressing situation.

Suspicious-Vanilla12 said:

Whoa! Things will just keep getting better for you! You and your sisters are awesome! Also, the father of your ex was really nice. Thats what a man does! Best of lucks dude!

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